the last past week was weird. i went through so many upheavels, downturns, emotional roller-coaster rides (i used to love roller coasters, but now they make me sick and leave me with a headache) that i should feel washed off, de-toxified right now. but i don’t. i feel .. tired .. physically. there are so many things that are so easily capable of clasping your heart, and wrenching it dry of all blood, life, in a very literal and physical sense, do just that. and you can’t really do much but cringe, cry, whine … so on and so forth. and then you just practice deep breathing so as not to let it affect your circulatory system. but somehow, somewhere in time, those hard controlled breaths turn into sobs again, first softer, then harder, and then so violent, that you don’t know anymore if you are really crying or just laughing hysterically.
asking yourself ‘why?’ always helps. and then aswering that its pointless almost always makes you (me) stop .. for a while. after that if you (I) still go on sobbing, its purely for pleasure .. no specific reason at all.
i killed a mosquito today in the morning, sitting on the pot. actually the thoughlessness of the act moved me. it was so instinctive .. a reflex ..
singing me a song
with a thwat
without a thought
i killed it
and let it fall to the ground
i was going through john abraham’s site, and saw this line, “at a party, a woman was pleasantly lewd enough to metion that I filled up my jeans quite nicely.” in the 2nd paragraph.
i have said that to a lot of guys (ok, just a couple). but its not lewd of a woman to say that. when a woman says it, its only out of genuine appreciation and/or affection. it should be taken as a kind compliment. its lewd and vulgar only if a guy says it. cos (most) guys have nothing but dirty sex in mind (most of the times). i say dirty sex as there is a good, divine form of sex also.