My dear friend, Mukta, and I, we talk a lot…we love to talk, and discuss, and sometimes argue, in a…controlled, very grown-up fashion. Now some may just feel that we are so full of just hot air, it’s ok, go ahead, make mazaak, make mucho mazaak, and once you’ve had a belly-full of laugh, take a deep breath, and read on.
My dear friend, Mukta, and I, of late have been talking a lot about Anger. We’ve both had anger issue; I..ahem…not so much…ahem…of course. And I tend to attract people, in my life, with anger issues. It means I need to deal with such issues within myself first…which of course I never get to, cos’ I honestly believe that I am perfect. Oh well…
So, my dear friend, Mukta, and I, we were talking, and thinking about Anger…where does it emanate from? What generates it? What gives it shape? What color it may be? Does it have a smell? What makes it erupt in a person, like a volcano, scorching everything in its blast radius. People get affected deeply by anger; the one that is angry, and the ones that are in the blast range of the bursting, raging, anger.
First up, let’s chalk out, erase, the reasons related to health, physical or mental, that may cause anger. Certain diseases, or mental imbalances. That is (more/somewhat) understandable. We will not discuss those here. Then there are some good, very valid reasons of getting angry; for example, someone slaps me real hard, for no reason, or call my mother names, for which there is never a good reason. It’s completely uncalled for. It had happened to me once. I got slapped. I had recently made friends with this person, who was friends with no one in class, in college; I think it was 2nd year. So this one time, we were sitting on the bus stand, waiting for the bus, and I noticed that she looked upset. I asked her what was wrong, she didn’t say anything, but just looked away. I asked her a couple of times more, and then suddenly, she turned towards me, and slapped me real hard, without uttering a word. That didn’t make me angry though; I was shocked, at first, I then felt very hurt. I never spoke to her again. She remained friendless for the entire time she was in college, at least in college, from what I could see.
A lot of times anger is genetical, or in the spiritual sense, baggage of the lineage. Many angry people have angry backgrounds, or backgrounds that make ripe grounds for anger and such related emotions to form and erupt. Fear is a reigning ingredient. It could be anything, fear of rejection (by the society or an individual), fear of falling short of expectations, fear of being found-out who one really is…sometimes, well, most-times it is not just one fear. As is the case with fears, they brings along to the party, a rather large entourage. A lot of fears get together to form a conglomerate of dense anger. Fear of not being in control (of a situation, or person) makes many people very angry. And sometimes it’s just a technique to keep things in control. I know someone who loses it like it’s no one’s business, and snaps, and shouts, and scares people. People listen to him. I don’t know if they respect him, or love him, maybe they do; but I know for sure that they fear him, and then behave. He gets things done, each time, every time. I tried talking to that person about it, and very calmly he explained that he does it purely to stay…well…above everyone. And to my surprise, it worked, it works. I am really nice to people, polite, sweet…but a lot times I am not able to get things done; to get some work done in offices, for example, or in shops if I feel I had been cheated and I wish to return something. But him, he walks in, and people…straighten up, and seem so ready to serve him. He’s got this violent, aggressive, ‘I-am-your-daddy-and-I-own-you-bitch’ aura that I so admire.
Sometimes, anger exuberates authority. Many fathers I know are like that. Who use anger to stay in complete control. Instilling fear in the subjects becomes a way to establish authoritarian rule. Kids run away from such fathers, listen to them, shiver when the mother threatens to tell on them. Which, I don’t think is a good thing at all. A father, I believe, should be loving and supportive, and a child should never fear to approach a father, for anything.
Or, many a times, it’s a response to shattered expectations, a broken heart maybe (another form of shattered expectations). You broke my heart, I am going to break everyone else’s; I am going to break this world. And thus a life is spent in bitter anger and sometimes hate. Or a broken arm, or leg, a broken, hurt ego most of all. That could leave one very angry.
It’s important to understand where the anger is coming from, and it’s very important to objectify it, and then place it correctly. If need be, take it out, on whom you need to take it out, sparing others around you, who don’t deserve it, sparing your own, precious self. Anger is an intense, dense, rotting emotion. If you allow it to rule you, it’d rule you life, your relationships, and most of all, your mental, physical, and spiritual health. It could affect your next life too if you believe in one. Don’t let it.
Understand the alchemy of your anger, and you will be better able to control it, and steer it in the right direction.