as far as full time jobs are concerned, i think it shud be good enough to average out about 6 hrs a day 4.5 days a week. people who want to put in more can volunteer to do so, but that shud not be a cause to put any such pressure on people who chose not to.

a healthy work-life balance means having a full-fledged life apart from work. not a life where after hrs spent working, the majority of ‘personal-time’ hrs are allotted to sleep. no. there shud be enough time left for other activities too ..

of course i am not talking about people whose “passions” are their work. that now is a different story. :)

i know, i know, i need to be more regular here. ok, so the stuff i had half composed on sunday, i decided against putting it up here. it was about my (latest) thoughts on sex, and also some dwellings on the plain ol’ desire to f***. veer had advised that i take caution in putting “sensitive” stuff up here as our kids might read it when they grow up, or when they are able to read my blog, which might be sooner than when they grow up. i agree with veer (i mostly do) and paid his words heed. though i don’t know if i’d mind cy reading it if/when she can. she has seen enough for her age (almost 8) on the discovery channel already. :) and now there’s emotional atyachar … hahahahahahahahaha!!! oh well .. anyways, i wouldn’t mind one of these days, when she’s in her teens, which will happen sooner than i anticipate :) showing her the actual act on you tube or some such. i’d rather that she sees it under my more academically inclined and sensible guidance than with her friends and their completely uncooked thoughts on the subject.

the crux of the thought that had been simmering in my head this past sunday was that if there is anything/something wrong (of course not morally wrong if both “parties” are consenting, and or not legally bound or otherwise committed to a third “party”) with having sex with someone just cos they have been asking for it. even if you don’t wanna do it with them, cos maybe they just don’t do anything for you .. as in not make your juices flow so to speak. and they are not just asking for it, but craving for it, like real bad, for a long, long time … a decade, 15 yrs maybe. i mean it seems ridiculous, at some level, for someone to crave something so badly and not get it .. it’s not like nirvana or something right … and if it’s in my hands to give it and just be done with it, then why not ..

in this world that is packed full of people who don’t give a fuck … it’ll be nice to .. give one, once in a while ..

:-)

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

on a different note, it was this … matter, that some time back had made me feel … small, and petty. the thought that what about this person is making me hesitate, when hesitation is rare in my behavioral patterns, not for things/acts i find nothing at all wrong with, like no physical danger, or no legal issues or some such. so do i think he is not worthy somehow? something about his behavior that maybe irks me? why am i being judgmental now when i rarely am. that would mean that subconsciously i am judgmental, that i do create personal impressions of people i meet and then act accordingly. if that is the truth, then it is a major setback for me in the progress of my personal development. i thought i had stopped doing that–judging. this apart from the fact that we are good friends and that it would/could … or rather had the potential to kill all friendliness.

but no. i don’t think so. maybe sometimes one can’t help but react to a personality type in a certain way. i need to work on that i guess. i need to .. be able to help it.

if only i could ctrl+C, ctrl+V
you, from your life to mine
i’ll wrap you in my arms
and hit ctrl+S
wow, that’ll truly be, divine

it’s 12:00 am (0000Hrs)
and i am not sleepy
why?
ah yes!!
i’d napped earlier
in the early evening
maybe late afternoon

just finished watching
emotional A
a tv program (on UTV bindaas)
that speaks of the times
these times
sad times
when like my verse
nothing rhymes
… she whines .. :-)
(see? i try ..) :)

and even in my writing
(i mean that literally, writing, as in on paper, with a pen)
i jot down tilted smileys
horizontal
and while scribbling, i wonder
what to do next
log on maybe, watch gay porn
drool on guy on guy(s)
and full frontal (this with hori”zontal”)

and just like this dialog
in an old fav (movie–pakizah)
“subah hoti hai, shaam hoti hai
zindagi yoonhee tamaam hoti hai” (i think these are some famous urdu poets’ lines)
i let moments pass me by
(not that i can hold them anyways)
i sit, and i stare at (gawk maybe)
days come, and days go
and try not to wonder
(but in saying that i guess i admit that i did)
why ghumginiyan, so much more than khushiyan
aam hoti hein …

i pray to God
my darling
i pray all day
and all night through
i pray to God
my sweetheart
i pray to God
for you

i say Dear God
Please give me all the pain
all suffering
any hurt
that might come to you
i hope and i pray
that i suffer
your sufferings
may there never be
on your face
a shade of blue

it’s my only ever true prayer
to God
to leave me,
leave this world
leave all that there is
God, just be with my darling
my sweetheart, my child
love just her,
protect her,
please make sure
in her happiness and joy
nothing goes amiss

so last evening, when on my way to meet a friend, i was thinking about this new theory i have been kind of formulating. it starts with the not much pondered over cliche, ’sex is overrated’. just that, it’s not only a cliche, but a universal truth. in life, i have lost (or rather lost touch with) a lot of guys, with whom there was a big potential of it (whatever that is that existed between us) turning into a beautiful … well, for the lack of a better expression, friendship. but they were (always) in so much .. intense hurry, to have sex, that we just did it, and the thing just popped and interests were lost, alternative paths to walk were chosen, long night “deep”, “meaningful” talks, and fun movies were forgotten and then suddenly it’s been six months and we haven’t even talked, we stop calling, stop talking, stop sharing, and that’s the close of that chapter then. whereas, if we hadn’t had sex, we could’ve gone on discussing the meaning of life, and this existence, and how beautiful it felt to open the heart and just pour all contents out into this huge bowl kept on the table.

i have tried explaining this (and provided real-life examples too) to many, but at the end of it all, all discussions, all debates, it all ends with “come to me now” and then we don’t even see each other any more. human civilization, our evolution, our current ‘intelligent’ existence has to mean more than that. has to …

so, last evening, when on my way to meet a friend, i had this thought. let me put it down here, just as it occurred to me, “OH MY GOD! it wasn’t eve who did it .. the whole temptation thing. for all we know, poor eve was just sitting there under the apple tree, merrily eating an apple, and then she saw a snake, and got curious, and bended over to see which hole the snake slithered into. and then without losing a moment, adam–who might’ve been lingering about, aimlessly (and of course not knowing what he was doing) staring at eve’s breast–just jumped and mounted eve. and that was that. and when asked blamed it all on some poor lost snake, and eve.”

generally speaking (of course exceptions are always there) when in a “heavenly garden”, when both adam and eve are having fun, exploring the green lawns, plucking fruits, running about, sitting under the cool shade of some tree, talking about how wonderful the sky looked, and how beautifully the birds sang, who is it who suddenly gets a hard-on and wants to fuck, plainly speaking. not eve. think about it …

history has been wronged. it might have been herstory after all … her tragic story …

And yes I’ve been bad
Doctor won’t you do with me what you can
You see i think about it all the time
Twenty four seven
.
.
there’s nothing here but flesh and bone
there’s nothing more
nothing more
.
.
~Outside, GM