in some religion … (hinduism is it, or jainism?) they say that a woman can not attain nirvana. so if a woman has .. potential, post-death, she gets born again as a man and only then becomes eligible to attain nirvana. i have an argument in favor … :)

it’s cos, it’s rare to find a woman whose mind goes truly and completely blank, which i think, and as i hear everywhere, is a first for reaching oh so close to God/almighty/the Force. a woman, adept at multitasking as she is, finds it hard to “let go” of everything and everyone, and stop to think, to care, to love, to hate, to get angry. so she does, what nature does … she .. does; she cares, she loves, she “lets it out” when she gets angry, she cries when it hurts …

a man, on the other hand (could be sitting on the same hand also though), finds it easy to … let go. rather, that’s what he does best. it’s easy, almost natural for him to not give a … shit, or even do .. shit, even when it comes to cleaning his own shit. no really, a man, if it could be done, would rather have his ass washed/wiped by someone else while he is fiddling with the remote watching the telly, or doing something equally inane .. to keep his mind … “free of thoughts” of course …

one keeps hearing (has grown up hearing) that change is good. change is the only constant and more words to that effect.

but, is it?

in this world, in nature, nothing changes–days and nights, lives and deaths, blossoming and withering. everything happens the way it is supposed to happen, the way it is “meant” to happen. gradual change comes as a consequence. very gradual, very measured, very … predictable (if one is looking in the right places).

accepting change, is the recent human’s endeavor, to accept his (yes, his) shortcomings. his lack of forethought, planning, and smooth execution. or his lack of acceptance of a lack of plan and hence the need to just let go and flow with the universe’s rhythm. that leads to “constant (sometimes consistent) change” hence making him say (sometimes to a more intelligent, but momentarily vulnerable ’she’) … “change is good, accept it.”

today, change is good. because it’s taking you to a place of .. no change. so if something is changing, let it. not because “change is good”, but because it’s taking you closer to changelessness ..

need to be careful
where i leave my heart behind
foolishly
my faith
like love
in love
is blind

the sand dunes of your thighs
i could ski up and down
on the sands, your skin
sink in the wet quicksand
lose myself for ever

it scares me
when i look down
and i
look at my own breasts
cos then i think
of you
a possession
of possessing
and i know
that it’s a key

but then
it scares me
when i look down
i feel
i am looking down
on myself
of course i am
but that is not
what i mean
it is not
a key

it is
nothing
nothing that can
bring us close
not our bodies
but us
“connect”
our souls
our thoughts
and minds

it saddens me
that
that’s what you want
that’s one thing you want
that
you are happy
fiddling with the key
a key.

heavens lie
beyond this door
if only
you’d push enough

:)

let me close
keep away
this key
it’s pointless
redundant
why unlock
a door
that we both
don’t mean to pass

********************************************************************************************

my anger
my regrets
my smiles
my victories
my thoughts
my headaches
my second thoughts
my weaknesses
my decisions
my prides
my indecisions
my shortcomings
my musings
my expressions
my cries
my tries
i try
and forget
i do
some, i don’t
some i keep
some i let go
some
i don’t know
what to do with them
they hang
listless
my emotions
my gems

i am feeling very restless today. i wanna do something .. do something big. be a huge success, go places, earn money .. all in this one day. and tomorrow life can return to “normal”. :)

like all addicts
i stutter and stammer
and in my stuttered, stammered speech
i insist i don’t need you

like all addicts
i smile, i pretend
i laugh, i pretend
i live, i pretend
and i insist i don’t know you

like all addicts
i sit and stare
at the walls,
at the horizon
and then i crave
till i cave in
and i insist i don’t care .. about you

like all addicts
i say, no, never
i don’t need you
but i know that i am lying
i say, i know it’s killing me
that i won’t even think about you, ever
and i know that i am lying

i tell everyone
everyone who does love me
that i’ve had enough of this strife
but the truth is
i’ll never give it up
i don’t think i can
give you up
you are the cocaine of my life …