for past 2 nights (this, along with the potato dream), i have been with the same person (a mr cute guy) in my dreams (recurrent “dream” :)). how … just wow is that. the guy of my dreams … literally … hahahaha!! :) last night, in my dream of course, we were (both) getting ready to meet someone (can’t remember who), and i am just not able to shower, as in first i don’t have my shirt, then there’s something wrong with my inner wear, and then i can’t find the towel, and i am panicking that he’s going to (or he might) leave without me. and i quietly (i am undressed) open the bathroom door and step out looking for something (towel? shirt?) and just then a door at the left opens up and he steps into the room. and i quickly jump back in (so unlike me) and half-close the bathroom door, explaining. he smiles (he’s all dressed and ready to go), settles his bum on the bed and starts to show me this dark purple feathered long wrap-around-the-neck kinda thing. (i know now where that came from, from my consciousness. over the weekend i had bought a christmas, shiny, decoration strip thing just like that for cy’s school.) anyways, he was showing me that and saying that he’ll gift it to the girl who’s house he was taking me to .. and i woke up. ** sigh ** :) we didn’t hold hands, or kiss, or squeeze .. tonight .. maybe .. ** sigh ** :)

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my tummy has been feeling very weird for past some days, many days maybe. might be all those mirchi bajjis (it’s like a mirchi bada, but without the potato) i had been consuming. just love those things. who would’ve thought that i’ll ever put a live, grenade of a green chillie in my mouth. but to be honest, these are those thick, fat ones, not very pungent, but just flavorful green chillies … and they out of this world. :)

so today i am trying to avoid food. ravaging a crunchy, juicy apple … and i think i am hungry .. hmmm …

and my back is hurting today .. lower back

in my dream last night, i saw a potato, peeled and cut in half, grumbling about how now it’ll be boiled over and over again, and maybe even fried. i wonder if the dream has a significance, or a message.

it’s going bad again .. all bad .. everything. i have been feeling so .. shitty. sometimes i feel i’d rather just kill myself .. than go to the dentist .. again. ** sigh ** how depressing it is .. again. all over again .. those injections in the gums, the thin needles in your teeth, a sudden burst of this .. excruciating pain after having been assured by the doc that you won’t feel anything. ahhh!!! … i can’t … i can’t … oh ma .. i so wanna cry ..

if bad goes to worse, i will go see cyra’s dentist here in hyd. i liked him, and only pedodontists check teeth the way every dentist should, with some respect to the person lying, with a gaping mouth, underneath their sharp, potentially fatal tools.

.. and my eye-sights going. i wear glasses for clear vision of distant objects and tv/computer/cinema. a couple of nights back the book i was reading (half lying) suddenly came closer to the eyes while i maneuvered a turn trying to remain withing the sheet limits, and voila, the words turned hazy. that left me very sad indeed, ** sigh **

on a different note, i thoroughly enjoyed chetan bhagat’s new book ‘2 states’ (not of being silly), and i’d got it for only rs 95, or rs 195. one of those, but so bloody worth it. on the other hand, this other book i am reading now ‘past continuous’, by neel mukherjee, doesn’t seem worth it. his writing’s not bad, but it’s not worth it for rs 500. would have enjoyed it if i’d bought it for rs 250 or some such. but still, might think differently once i have finished it. will update this space in case i do change my opinion after finishing it.

Aries - Dunno
Taurus - Not sure; maybe
Gemini - No
Cancer - No
Leo - No
Virgo - No
Libra - NO
Scorpio - Might
Sagittarius - Might (..though most saggi guys i’ve met have problems staying loyal to their partner)
Capricorn - No
Aquarius - Dunno
Pisces - Think not

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it’ll make an interesting read .. a write on my days here in Hyd; not that they have come to an end–nowhere near it. if only i can make myself sit down and do it. here, in this transitory place; this abode that relaxes, but lets not rest. the way i am relaxed in this unrest. this knowledge that i am not home, but yet my heart is here, with me, tucked in safely. it would definitely make an interesting read, if i can write, what in this moment, i cannot. i feel not .. hmmm …

i don’t want to remain a half, or 1/3rd, or some such. and i don’t want an equally incomplete someone to come and “click” and voila .. we have an illusion of completeness. i want to be complete. a complete .. whatever. and i want to meet another complete .. whatever; and live happily :) even if for a few moments.

put this up as a comment on FB in response to a friend’s status message; liked it, hence putting it up here:

i stand where i find myself.
i find that i don’t bind myself.
but when i do, i don’t mind myself.
i follow the universe; i am blind myself … :)