i was watching this movie, hancock, sometime back, and something hit my mind and i thought that i should write about it. and now i am sitting in front on my computer and i have no idea what it was. between then, and now, i put the coffee mug in the kitchen sink, filled Cy’s glass with water (my little puppy :)), brushed my teeth, thought of washing my face and decided against it, and put in the mosquito mat. that’s how my brain has become aajkal. thoughts, things, names, are now there, and now they’re not. people i have awesome times with, and i meet them again after some days, and i can’t remember their names. i am beginning to feel this detachment. maybe even annoyed sometimes. most times, it’s just a wait, which i look forward to ending in 2010, whatever that might bring. or maybe it’ll bring nothing and i will just start looking forward to 2011. and then so many years will be gone … and then maybe it will all stop to matter, where i am, how i am, how i feel, how i .. not feel.
here’s something else i was thinking about posting sometime back; earlier in the day i think. that how some people (very few) think that maybe i have .. “walled” myself in. some kind of an emotional protection that does not allow me to .. to .. look for, or want a … “mate” .. for lack of a better word. that i am faking it, or maybe falsely feeling it, this contentment with myself, with no one (my size :)) actually there with me, in my life, day-in, day-out. what i feel is, that i know that i am not faking it. i mean if i feel good with just me in my life, then i feel good, and that’s just how it is. i honestly wouldn’t know how to explain it, make sense of it, or that even if i want to explain it. i do love to analyze, but of late i think i have misplaced that piece of my brain. i am zombieing around most of the time now. some mornings i feel great, and i thank the universe, and i sing songs, and smile at strangers, and some mornings i feel terrible, i think of pune (yes, i still do, sometimes), and i just wanna run back home (from on my way to work) and sink my head into the pillows and go back to sleep. and that’s just how it is, and i go through the day, however best i can .. that day.
hmmm … it was something very interesting, what i was thinking about when i was watching hancock, and now i just can’t remember what it was. all i remember was, that it was very interesting. :)
on an altogether different note, i had a very interesting dream last night. i, my mother, and Cy, are in lajpat nagar (the place where i was born and lived till i was 8), looking at this place/house that my mom is planning to buy, for about 20-22 lacs i think. it is the typical ‘double-storey’* house, just that this one has been re-modeled and is now looking pretty swank. it was all very vivid, and real.
* ‘double-storey’ is a style of housing in some parts of delhi that was developed to accommodate the thousands (or was it millions?) that crossed over from pakistan during the divide (independence). it’s a 25 gaj (i don’t how much a gaj is, it’s a measure of land) plot with two rooms, a kitchen and bathroom built within a narrow rectangular strip of space. there’s one above the other, hence ‘double-storey’. there’s two such rows, one above another. four columns each (one column containing 2 houses one above the other) on both sides of a staircase in the middle. four of these double-storey rows made a square, or what is called a block. we were in I block, though i am not sure now, my memory being the way it is. :) we were on the first floor, the house owned by my distant bua (aunt of dad’s side, my dad’s first cousin), who lived in the house right below with her family. they’d rented it out to us ..