it’s been so, so long
no words come out
there’s nothing to say
i guess
my muse has passed on
passed away

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

hanstey - hansteyyyyyyy
jo nikal jatey hein.
wo ansooooooooooo
.. kaminey

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

zillions of years
no touch, no feel
my senses
have all been lulled

so there’s nothing to say
or to write
my heart strings sing
only when pulled

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

saw this awesome movie over the weekend, ’sita sings the blues’. one can download it from here:

http://www.sitasingstheblues.com/watch.html

commendable .. :)

as usual, started with the last line, and tried to build it upwards, till line 1. not good, not satisfied, needs a lot of work … but i guess i have grown old, just too lazy .. :)

among the myriad emotions
the endless bursts of joy
those happy moments, kisses used to bloom
wow, i have forgotten so many things
and thankful to forget also some moments of gloom

it seems strange now, that long gone world,
stranger you, stranger still was i, myself
like someone in my mind, went crazy with a broom
but it’s amazing how i still remember well, so intimately
those sky-blue walls of your room

it’s raining, it’s beautiful, a perfect weather to stay home .. :)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

something (unfinished) i found in an old file ..

It was dusk. The twilight had all but disappeared beyond the horizon, and now just a faint grey-blue streak was there, setting the horizon aglow, threatning to disappear any moment. The dry, cold breeze had as if set itself on everything around; even her mood. She stood there wondering, what went wrong. She tried to examine, analyze each and every turn that their relationship had taken, and recall each word, each laugh, and each tear that had flowed flawless when they were together. She couldn’t see anything, gauge when was it that it started dying this slow death—this love, the connection they had once shared. And if it was dead, what was it that she felt now. That soft, but hard pressure that suddenly made its presence felt on her chest every now-and-then. Her brows came together, lips slacked down, forehead crinkled and she slumped on the chair in the patio, not wanting to move, not able to move. If it was dead, why did she still feel it within herself, this weight…

They had last talked last week. She was so used to talking to him everyday that each day passed in agony waiting for his call, hoping for his call, which didn’t come anymore. So many times she forcfully restrained herself from dialing his number. She used to look for things to do just so that time would pass, end a day, one day after another.

He had mentioned last week that he would come over today, around 9, he wanted to pick some things up. His secretory had called earlier and “confirmed availability”. Yes, of course she was available. Why wouldn’t she be available for the one thing that her life revolved around. She had showered, but that was that. She didn’t apply any makeup, or wore nice clothes. She didn’t want him to think that it was a special occasion.

the first time i had trekked up till triund (up Dharamsala), it was lush green, dotted with flocks of woolly sheep here and there. and this guy, the shepherd, was carrying this bag like cloth over his shoulder, in the folds of which there were about half a dozen sheep babies. he let me hold a couple of them, and they felt like living, breathing, warm soft toys. i so wanna curl up in the folds of a bag like that right now .. and sink into sweet sleep .. :)

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

me: don’t eat so much, tummy will hurt, and look, you just burped.

cy: i burped means the food went down, not that my tummy is full.

________________________________________________________________________________________

long, long time back when time didn’t exist, and everything was beautiful in it’s own timelessness, there lived a girl. a timeless girl, forever young, forever beautiful. beautiful in her heart, beautiful in her mind, and so (hence?) beautiful in her body. in that world of time, every being that existed had it’s own world; they liked it like that way. their own little cocoon sort of, where they lived with all the things that they ever needed to live and be happy. so beings that needed other beings around them, had other beings around them, and like a family they lived happily ever after, in their own little world. and beings who liked to be with themselves, lived with themselves, surrounded by their own little luxuries. and so this girl lived on, in her little hut by the sea, at the edge of a rain forest. every evening she used to walk down the beautiful sandy beach and then sit to watch the sun go down, in her little corner, or just walk on to gaze at the tip of the mountain that was visible from where she lived.

she had a vague recollection of her appearance .. birth, here on this place. she, let’s call her tia maria, remembered some beings hovering around her, moving about, fussing over her. it was some other land, and if tia had a sense of time like we do, she’d say, another time. another time, another place. maybe, if she tried, she’d remember. but she never did try, she didn’t bother. she just went on, with her life. and this was how a day in the life of tia maria typically unfolded. though there was no time, the sun did come up the mountain, and went down the sea. a fact she often used to wonder at, in awe; why does the sun always, always go down the sea? why couldn’t it do something different for a change? and then she used to remember herself, her life, and that always made her smile. tia used to wake up the moment the sun was up and about. she had no choice; the birds and animals, her neighbors in the rain forest made so much noise that they woke her up, even on days when the previous night she slept very, very late into the night due to her long walks on the beach or general musings on the diamond studded night sky. on most days she used to walk into the forest after waking up, collect some fruits on the way, and go sit in this little water nook by the fall and have her fruity breakfast. the rest of the day a lot like that .. wandering around in the forest, maybe catching a nap in the cool roots of some tree, or on the sand of the beach, fish for sea-shells, gaze into the horizon for long.

she once spent a large part of the day (6 hrs by our standard) just staring at the horizon, looking for dolphins. it was a long time she hadn’t sighted them and was beginning to wonder what happened of them. but the dolphins didn’t appear and tia went back to her hut when it got too dark to see anything. that night was the first time that she had that strange dream. she was in this strange place, very weird place. it didn’t make any sense to her. there were no plants, no animals, no trees, no sea, but just .. just these .. she had no idea what they were. huts, just that, they weren’t huts. they were huge, some shiny, most dull, rising tall into the sky. and pathways, black pathways, on which ran these things .. she couldn’t comprehend those too. but it was so clear, everything, not at all dream-like, like she was there.

i am back; in hyd, and here. :) so many myriad of emotions i went through these pats weeks. mostly pain, and relief on realization that it will not pain. :)

the only mania i am capable of is, clickomania. :) it was solitaire, long, long back .. hehehe :)