it’s hell. i have already taken 2 nimesulid (banned in some countries, but the doc who prescribed them long back says they are ok) 100 mg tabs, and a muscle relaxant which also has pain killer. and it’s still hurting … like crazy. why, why, why. why don’t the doctors understand that it’s not ok … that it’s not “some” pain that i will have to bear it. i have a problem, a huge problem, and i need a solution. right now i am so desperate that i am thinking of flying to delhi, or mumbai and just collapse on the doors of some good hospital. the place i had gone to first in delhi, en route to my mountain holiday around new years’, there was a time i used to swear by them .. the dr max clinic. but the last time i was there, along with billing me for the cleaning and all i got done, the guy was insisting that he bill me for that treatment that they were recommending too, which the doc was saying that i should get done the moment i am back from McLeod Ganj. i didn’t like that, so i don’t know if i can trust them.

the doc here at care hospital says that he can’t do anything unless my jaw un-jam itself, so he’s asked me to wait, try and stay off the pain killers (WHAT??? IS HE NUTTTTTTSSSS!!!!!), and go see him tue-wed. what if, what if … whatever’s causing me this intense pain is spreading in my body, in my face in the meantime. what if, what if … i just drop dead one of these days. ahhhh!!! isn’t there anyone who can give me a satisfying answer … and take away this pain …. ahhhhhhh!!!!

a quick recall. last wednesday 21st night, as fate will have it, i went to this new tooth clinic (Chinni Tooth Care; actually Chinni Tooth DOES NOT Care) that had opened up in the neighborhood (KPHB Colony, Kukatpally, Hyderabad), honestly, to just check it out.

this guy, the owner, “Dr” ashok kumar chinni, who mistakenly calls himself a dentist, insisted that my wisdom tooth extraction will take only 15 mins and i will be good as new after that. note, that he hadn’t even taken and looked at an x-ray to see how my tooth was placed and what it’d take to actually dig it out. that’s the sign of inexperience that i failed to detect.

i did tell him that i have a trip coming up on the weekend and that i will return Tuesday (27th) morning the following week. so i suggested that maybe it’ll be a good idea if i return to his clinic on tuesday evening. but he insisted that it’s no big deal and that his “very experienced surgeon”, a dr kiran kumar takes the tooth out like a hair strand from butter (not these words exactly). i agreed, as i had been putting this off for a good six years now, and thought what the hell, everyone gets it done, everyone’s fine. he called dr kiran kumar who promised to be there by 9, after shutting his own shop, i think somewhere in mehndipatnam.

dr kiran too did not care to take an x-ray either and started drilling and hammering. it was only after a lot of pain and suffering on my part that he turned to the inexperienced dr ashok kumar chinni and i gathered that they are discussing in telugu that my tooth is at a crooked angle. which is when i realized that they should’ve taken an x-ray at least before they started.

i did mention in my last post that it was my decision to stop my upper wisdom tooth extraction after he took a good 50 mins to drill and hammer out my lower one. after 3 failed attempts of putting his entire weight into the pulling, at the fourth one, i did feel that my ear is going to be pulled in along with my entire lower jaw, so i asked him to stop. i was anyways exhausted like crazy as i was told everything will be done in 15 mins and it took forever. he did stop, not saying anything, not warning me about anything. maybe he was tired too. bad decision on his part. he had manage to loosen up the upper tooth and then left it like that. after being promised that i will be good as new after the extraction, and it won’t affect my pune/mumbai trip over the weekend, i spent the entire thursday and friday with a HUGE swelling on my lower right side of the face.

i traveled all the way to pune in that condition, the swelling, the pain, the intense discomfort and did all the chores i needed to there. saturday, when in pune, the swelling did come down a bit. i reached mumbai saturday evening, hoping that the swelling will further go down sunday. sunday started out … dizzy. i slept, in pain, sometime after breakfast. when i woke up, my entire right side of the face had swollen up, all over again. my eye had puffed up, slightly bluish red, and so had the side of the forehead, scaring me. i called up a local thane hospital and went to see the doc in the evening. of course, my jaw had jammed and the sweet doctor there (dr laxmi in lok hospital) couldn’t peer much inside. she did manage to find out that apparently the tooth that dr kiran had managed to loosen up is getting infected now and hence the swelling all over my that side of the face. she prescribed more anti-biotics and adviced that i get the upper one removed the moment i land in hyderabad.

i am in hyderabad now, and of course i will not to back to ‘chinni tooth DOES NOT care’. i reached yesterday morning and went to care hospital. i’ve heard its pretty good. again, of course, the doc couldn’t do anything as my mouth is not opening. he’s prescribed the highest dose of anti-biotics possible and also a muscle relaxant and asked that i exercise my jaw. actually pull my jaw with my fingers. it pains like hell, and last night i broke down and started to cry, just to find out i couldn’t. it’s been so long, maybe i’ve forgotten how to. i called mom, and asked her if she could (fly down). of course she will. but today morning, i felt better and when dad asked about mom flying down, i asked them to hold on, and wait and see what the doctor at the care hospital has to say. i’ll be going there again tomorrow evening again to see if my mouth will open some. afterall, the 2 stitches that dr kiran had put in there on my lower gums are still there. when will this nightmare end. i am so, so tired of this constant pain in my jaw … it’s been a week now. it’s making my tummy churn …

last night i got my (wisdom) tooth extracted. and now i am .. traumatized, scarred, and depressed. :( extraction is a very wrong, misleading term for what that guy did to my poo jaw. brute, forceful drilling, hammering like crazy like he’s breaking stones, more drilling, more hammering for a good 45-50 mins. it was horrible. he left my right jaw devastated … raped. sometime during all the drilling and hammering, the whole body started shivering like crazy and my jaw trembled, violently. i just wasn’t able to take all that pressure and force on my face .. i was terribly tired. i felt really awful and very sad after that when i returned home. like .. like i have been wronged. i wanted this guy (won’t say from where) come hold me from behind, lying on the bed, enveloping me in his arms. that thought was very comforting.

after completing shattering my lower wisdom tooth, he started at the upper one. my eyes popped out. but he said this one was simpler and will only take some mins. i said ok. he pulled; nothing. he pulled; i felt the crunch of the metal and tooth, but yet nothing. he pulled; more crunching, but no tooth budging. the fourth time he put all his weight on it (i think he’s a good 6 ft, not a lean guy), i felt a streak of a weird pain from inside my jaw joint till my skull, and another streak till my ear, felt like my ear’s going to get pulled from inside. i asked him to stop, sternly, and told him to not go ahead with the ‘procedure’. and then he did something i didn’t like. he said “ok ma” and then turned and talked in telugu to the young, seemingly inexperienced dentist who owns the new clinic. he was the one i had initiated talks with earlier in the evening, and who’d assured me that the surgeon he’s calling is pretty good and will finish the job in max 15 mins. after listening to the “surgeon” he turned to me and said in english that the tooth is moving, it’ll only take 5 secs to pull it out completely. but my mind was made up, it didn’t feel right, so i told him i didn’t wanna go any further. plus, they took an x-ray to see if all of my half-still-inside-the-gum (wisdom) tooth was extracted, and never showed it to me. and on top of that, this morning, a friend who’s got the same procedure done told me that i need to be on anti-biotics 3 days prior to the extraction. the fact that i didn’t is why i have this huge swelling now. i don’t feel good at all right now. :(

the more and more “professionals” i interact with here in hyderabad. i feel that everyone is very .. task centric and not person-centric. professions like medicine etc., you need to be people-centric.

some years back, i think 2005-06, a pub/disc called bed in mumbai, barred entry to a girl, or a couple of girls as they were dressed in a salwar kamiz. the news became public only because those girls, or that girl was a journalist/reporter and the incident was reported the very next day. so one wonders if it really is “India” that one is shouting for when they started with all these marches and all post 26/11. i mean if just the dress of this place embarrasses the junta to actually bar it from a place, i wonder if they even know what it means to belong to a country. is it India, or just themselves they are scared for? of course, just themselves. otherwise you wouldn’t have an abundance of people born and brought up in hindi speaking areas unabashedly, (or bashfully?) claiming, “oh, mera hindi itna achha nahi hai.” :)

…
thank god tu mera bachcha nahi hai
teri bum pe wo dhari-daar kachha nahi hai
nahi to wohi kachha utar ke
mein karti teri dhulai
do sataa ke lagati, phir poochhati
saaley, ab hindi yaad ayee??

DISCLAIMER: this here is just a desperate attempt at rhyming, and not a … lashing out, or even a reflection of my feelings. honestly.

*************************************************************************

thought for the day:

“ummm … that’s a good question.” is a much abused phrase in meetings and conference calls.

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just now, watching barack obama’s inauguration’s live telecast on tv:

me: there .. that’s barack obama

cyra: oh … ummm … but he’s .. not all white

:-)

here’s vasu, my niece, singing .. :)

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=Eth4DV2C3rI

veer, her dad, my brother, is a singer himself. he’s got a beautiful, touching voice. he’d sung the song ‘phulon ka taron ka …’ once and made me cry … :)

the early morning of the day of the trek to triund, i woke up with an unsure mind. i did want to reach the top and view the awesome view that i had last viewed a good ten years back, but my mind, and my body also remembered the treacherous trek very well. something i wasn’t much looking forward to. so i closed my eyes again, trying not to stir too much. all four of us (i, cy, M, and Hir) were huddled under three heavy quilts in the same bed, pretty comfortably. i wanted to see what the next couple of hours will bring, without any dis/encouragement from me. i could go on sleeping till 9 and then wake up for a beautiful walk to a beautiful cafe and a beautiful breakfast, followed by shopping in some beautiful shops. or, i could wake up in sometime and start on the trek to triund. our cab guy had told me last evening that he will call first and then come over, and that was another reason i urged my mind to relax and sleep some more under the cozy, warm quilt, waiting for his call. but suddenly i heard the hotel/inn keeper knock on the door announcing the arrival of the cab guy. we had decided to drive up 2 KMs up of the total 9 KMs of trek, knowing that Cy might give up anytime, anywhere on the trek. hence, we had also hired the services of a “guide”, which turned out to be a boon later, i will reach that part soon. now this “guide” sansar chand, is actually a coolie (luggage bearer) who accompanies trekking groups going with licensed guides. our cab guy had told us that licensed guides charge rs 1200 (sansar was costing us rs 500) and do not even carry your bags, if need be. we made up our minds fast. :) i phoned praveen, our cab guy who was waiting down the stairs, and requested him to give us another half hour to get ready as we hadn’t woken up in time.

it was 9 by the time we started out. after a beautiful and a bit scary drive up a winding, narrow, and a very broken, quite dug up mountain road we reached the “base camp” dharamkot. we were awed, and quite fascinated to see a solid sheet of ice on the small, cemented pond right in front of the little shack that sold limited breakfast and chai to trekkers going up triund. rubbing our frozen hands, and talking excitedly about anticipated more cold as we go up, we finished maggie, a hard sandwich Cy didn’t touch, and lots of chai. that was our … lag. we spent more time than we should’ve, but we were having fun and after all that’s why we were doing everything that we were doing on this holiday. by the end of that day we had realized that having fun and doing things for fun also needs some thought beyond a point.

as we stepped on the trek trail, old memories flooded in. and i started remembering turns, and mountain bends, and stones, telling M and Cy (Hir had decided to skip the trek and went shopping instead) that here was where we had rested, and that is where there was a little rivulet the last time i was there (in 1998 me thinks). Cy happily hopped and jumped up one stone, then another. sansar looked at us pitiably mumbling that guys don’t take that long. apparently it was about a 2-2.5 hrs trek and we were taking just too long. we had started at 10:15 from the breakfast, cold ice-sheet place. soon our sweaters came off, and we were down to our t-shirts. the sun was awesome; bright, warm, and oh so loving. before we knew, three hours had passed, and we’d find sansar waiting for us at a mountain bend, sitting serenely on one big stone or the other .. just looking at us. he did volunteer picking Cy on his shoulders, but she resisted aggressively. forget being picked, she doesn’t even like being touched by someone she doesn’t know well. she gave up that resistance around the end of the fourth hour. the valleys beyond, the distant mountains and hills in the distant mist on the far-off horizon, the clear blue sky, just the thrill of being on what seemed like the top of the world made us forget the misery the stones, the jagged, pointy rocks might be causing our feet, and we kept moving forward, upward.

it was 2:15 pm by the time we reached up. Cy readily hopped on to sansar’s shoulder for the remaining 10 mins of the trek, declaring loudly that “it’s a very bad plan”. but all that changed when she reached the top, when we reached the top. the beauty of the nearness of the snow-capped himalayan peaks took our breaths away. though i felt bad a bit as the very green meadows that i remembered and had described to M weren’t there. the grass had turned yellow for the winter. but i just couldn’t take my eyes off those mountains. so big, so strong, still, and silent. i wanted to turn stone, still, and just gaze for at least an eternity. both M and i thought that it’ll be nice to stay the night there. of couse we weren’t prepared. there was a forest lodge there, but one needed to book in advance. the guy in another little shack that we had lunch (maggie and omelets) in got us in touch with the forest lodge guard/keeper. he said if we wished we could wait and “see”. if no one turned up till the evening, we could get a room. we were very, very ill-prepared to spend a night in case we didn’t get a room. and when we talked to a couple of people around we realized that waiting for to know if we will get a room was a dodgy matter. and then everyone, everyone strongly suggested that if we are planning to reach back to McLeod Ganj, we better make it before sunset. we took the advice and started down at about 3:30 pm. this time Cy readily agreed to travel on sansar’s shoulders and they both soon disappeared down the track. we too, M and i, were more relaxed and took pictures and all, and breathed in the beautiful views coming down.

it was only after some time that i started to panic. sansar and cy had been out of view for quite some time now. i wished i had told sansar to not go far from us. but we soon found them both sitting and waiting for us. they seemed to have established a deep bond; they were chatting and laughing so merrily my 6 yrs old that sweet guide in his late teens. when i reached them, i gave sansar an ok to go ahead and go all the way to dharamkot, the base camp, and wait there for us; a decision i’m glad i made. M and i sat some more and then started again. we started worrying after some time though, as it was taking us more time than we had anticipated to trek down. there was a tea-shop midway. it just wasn’t appearing, we crossed so many mountain bends. also on our way down i was constantly trying to reach our cab guy, to tell him to be there at dharamkot for us, exactly where he’d dropped us. there was no network in the mountains, though i did manage to get through once and inform him that we were on our way down. i believe it was a helping hand from God. one small help.

we did reach that tea-shop eventually. the guy manning it informed us that sansar and Cy waited for us a long time and then made their way down. he asked us if we’d like to stay; he had a weirdly worried look on his face. there was no way we could’ve stayed. my child was down there, waiting for me with a virtual stranger. the tea-shop guy asked us if we had a torch, he said ominously, “you won’t make it”. by then we had been walking for what seemed like forever. we were dying to reach “home” … or at least civilization and besides i thought that he’s just trying to sell us just another thing from his little shop and said a loud no. i did have a small torch with me in my bag. but soon i understood that concerned look on his face. soon, one minute the sun was just going beyond the horizon and i was photographing the sunset and M in the twilight, and the next minute we were having difficulty seeing the track. now the track, at any random place, is about a meter wide, rocky, jagged, and God only knows where we will land we happen to step over the edge. soon both i and M were cursing the government and M was telling me how well the trail in the grand canyon is constructed and that they have loos in the little nooks and corners, and of course our tiny little torch (though thank God i had it with me) wasn’t much help.

and so we were fearfully keeping one step after another clutching each other, trying to keep our feet on the ground that was visible in the small yellow circle of the torch light, when the spookiest of things happened. it had grown completely dark and we reached a place where M said let’s go this way, and i said no silly, look, here’s the track. and there it was, to our left, going sharply down, an apparent track, flat stone slabs the only things shining (spookily now that i think) grey in the night. i tried to peer to our right, nothing but a dark, black wall, which i thought to be the mountain wall. i hopped on to the first stone and tried to assure M that that was the right way, though she kept mumbling that she didn’t remember a track that steep. i ignored her and kept on hopping down one stone after another. soon i realized that M was sitting on a stone. “i can’t go on, my foot is hurting terribly”, she said making herself comfortable on a stone. apart from the fact that her shoes were killing her, the overgrown toe nail had started digging back into the big toe. she suggested that i go on down and then send sansar back for her. i thought for a moment and then kind of agreed. i had to keep the torch with me, and my phone too was very low on battery so i couldn’t give her that to use for light. but as soon as i hopped down some more, i noticed that she had risen and was following me down the path. but by that time i had started having my doubts, as yes, though it was a steep climb, even i didn’t remember going up something so continuously steep. but i was glad that she had decided against sitting there in that thick, scary, spooky black mountain dark. as soon as she was closer she told me that she had heard something ruffling in the bushes nearby. we both got scared as that place was known for big cats and sometimes bears, and besides, we both believed in spirits. just then we heard human sounds and noticed two lights way above us, torch lights, and i knew we were on the wrong path and were going down towards the jungle. i shouted “hello” twice. the shouted “hello” back, and told us that yes they were coming from dharamkot, the base camp, night trekkers. the fear was confirmed, we both rushed up the rocks we had just climbed down. it was only after we reached up and caught the right path that we realized that both the voices and the lights had just as suddenly disappeared, which was odd as voices travel far in the mountains. we thanked the wood spirits from saving us going into the dark woods to God knows what eventuality. by this time M was in immense pain and had started cursing sansar for abandoning us. i was thanking him and God that Cy wasn’t with us. it was so dark that i can’t put it in words. it was black, pitch black, is what we could make of our immediate surroundings. i felt fear creeping in, but kept telling myself and M that as long as we kept putting one foot in front of another, irrespective of however long it takes, we will reach dharamkot. and suddenly we saw another light, ahead of us on the track. i wanted to beg for help if it was a trekker and beg for help. to our immense relief, it was praveen, our cab guy. he got worried when he saw only sansar and cy, and that it had grown dark and there was no sign of the two madams. so he had come looking for us, with a big torch that lit up the entire track in front of us. we eventually did reach his car, sansar and cy happily chatting and playing inside. wow! i don’t think i will ever forget that evening. though we later agreed that it was nothing but darkness … like we believe that .. ha ha ha ha … :)

i thought of this very nice dialog while brushing my hair in the office loo just now.

“hamarey pyar ke baalon ke guchhey par samaj kee kanghi phir gayee”

ahhhh!!! so much to share … so li’l time. i will be back … so said arnie. :)

Triund

My favorite foto .. :)