yeyyyyy!!!! Dear God. Please look over us … :)

for all the girls saif ali khan has … not been able to work things out with … he’s been a very (un)saif ali khan … :)

last evening cy and i had gone to a christmas show, invited by my boss. somewhere in the middle of the show cy expressed a desire to relieve her bladder. i took her to the surprisingly clean “ladies” toilets of the auditorium. she took one peep in (she is very particular about using only clean toilets) and saw that they were the old indian styled toilets where you need to sit on your haunches. her one previous experience of using one of those a couple of years back hadn’t been pleasant.

cy: forget it. i’ll hold.

me: why sweetie. you wanted to go so bad.

cy: no, they don’t have indian toilets.

i laughed, and laughed, and laughed. as a matter of fact, i called veer right then and there and laughed even more, though i am not sure if he understood what i was talking about.

______________________________________________________________________________________

so, in the morning today, we were practising the mool mantar, and i was explaining the meaning of each word to her. when we came to the mention of God, i said, God means Babaji. (most sikhs refer to God as Babaji, i think referring to Guru Nanak. the word baba literally means a sadhu, or an ascetic.) she opened her eyes, put her arms around my neck and said, “you are my babaji”.

i think she will grow up to be a romantic little devil… :)

This is the Mool Mantar that I am planning to, rather I want to recite to/with Cyra, so hopefully she too learns it. My mom taught it to me, her mom taught it to her, and so on and so forth…

It is the very basic of the concept/chant, and I think the first composition of our guru, Guru Nanak.

Ik Onkar ————– [There's only one God]
Sat Naam ————- [His/her name is truth]
Karta Purakh ———- [The creater]
Nir Bhau ————– [without fear]
Nir Vair ————— [without enmity/hate]
Akaal Murat ———– [timeless form]
Ajooni —————- [beyond births]
Saibham ————– [i think this means 'without origin']
Gur Prasad ———— [by God's grace, or simply God's grace]

…and no, i am not going to be imposing any religious beliefs on her little mind, mainly because i myself don’t have any. this is just an effort to take her closer to (my/our) roots. i think it’s a great source of comfort and security for an individual, and i want her to have that. i feel bad sometimes (now), for not having brought her up where i grew up myself. strangely enough, i have started feeling this only here in hyd. we were both pretty content in pune, and mumbai before that. so i guess the taste of “roots” is most reminiscent when one is not very happy with one’s environment … :)

______________________________________________________________________________________

cy’s exams start from tomorrow. tomorrow’s english. as it is she writes a bit slow, rather very slow, on top of that they are made to write in the “cursive” style (running hand). poor thing, she tries hard, but it slows her down further. anytime we pray and you ask her what she prayed for, she says, “i prayed to God to make me the fastest girl in the universe so that i finish my work before everyone else in class.” currently, she is never able to finish her work sheets in the given time, though she knows all the answers and all. and i don’t appreciate her teacher pressurizing her about it. she is 6 for heaven’s sake. and to top it all, her school conducts extra (maths) classes on weekends (yes, for 6-7 yrs olds. and no, she DOES NOT go for those.) i hope they get some sense at least some time in the near future. how the hell can we have a “better” India, with all the schools running the way they do currently. and some schools that are a little better (read, the way should be in the first place) are so !@#$%^ expensive it’s laughable.

it’s not that i don’t believe in god … uh .. ok God. but i am not able to just assume that s/he is there and that s/he will take care of everything. i know, that i am responsible for the decisions i take, of which the good lord made me capable, or not, any which ways, once made, those decisions are mine, and i need to be ready for the consequences, whatever they might be. and i think geography makes a lot of difference also. like, when i was in pune, pre may 08, i was living exactly the way i am living now, but apart from a bit of negativity here and there, overall i was happy and content. at peace. but here, in hyderabad, i am not able to find any - peace, contentment, or happiness - not at least without cy in close physical proximity at least, but that’s illusory, more like the effects of a happy drug, she being the drug in this case. and hence every now and then, the thought of god. how ridiculously selfish of me. when will i ever grow up. i will die crying mommy, sucking my thumb … hopefully in my late 90s. dear God …

___________________________________________________________

my heart yearns for another baby, but in a different environment definitely. plus i can’t afford one right now, i don’t know when i will be able to, or if. a boy, because i have such a beautiful name in mind. :)

i am not an expert on sikhism. rather, i am pretty clueless about the entire history and the teachings of the gurus etc. all the gathered information or knowledge is thanks to having been born into a sikh world and thereafter grown up in it. one can’t really escape much having made to visit the gurudwara every few days and hearing mom and almost all other elders chanting the gurbani on a daily basis. :) i am rather glad that they did. it’s a sweet, soft, very tender religion. though can’t say the same about a lot of people who (claim to) follow it. punjab is choking stuffed with wife beaters and drug addicts, and female infanticide is rampant. but today i saw something that made me smile, suddenly made me feel at home, at peace. part of my vacation plan this new years’ involves spending some time in delhi, and i decided that i will go visit the much visited when we were kids and much loved gurudwara bangla sahib. so today in the morning, i was showing videos of the gurudwara to cy, telling her we will visit this awesome place. she’s been there before, but i don’t think she remembers it; maybe she will once we are there. i saw this one video where they showed the gurudwara kitchen. for the uninitiated, all gurudwaras serve food to one and all, without prejudice, with love and affection and all the warmth of the bright, happy sun. smaller gurudwaras do it weekly, or maybe monthly, but bigger gurudwaras serve the guru’s langar daily. and i realized, one huge element of being a sikh is community service. and it made me feel so good, nice. :) not that i have realized the entire gist of all that the gurus taught, but i felt … closer … :)

we come in this world alone. we leave this world alone (not sure about mass tragedies, like if all souls leave together or some such). then why do we need that “someone” to spend our lives with? a little entertainment, indulgence on the way …

_________________

for people who enjoy some …. self-indulgence every now and then …

aao mehnat ko apna imaan banaye
apney haathon ko apna bhagwan banaye

:)

it’s 1:05 am. there’s a “party” going on in an apartment right across mine, in the building across the street. the construction of these buildings is so pathetic that any sound they make is clearly audible here, even in my bedroom at the other far end of our house. and those monkeys are standing in the balcony, all doors and windows wide open, shouting at the top of their lungs, singing ‘hotel california’. i can’t think of any other word than ‘losers’ for them, and their sorts which are abundant here in Indian metros, for (and it’s a general rule), they have to get drunk and sing ‘hotel california’, or ’summer of …’ whateva year that was, or one of those queen’s songs. the poor, sad, sods don’t know any other. you’ll never catch them dead singing a hindi tune. never. poor, stupid, ……

… and there i go again. i need to do something about it fast, change myself, download an updated version and install it or something …

the other day, i was sitting with some .. people i know in a plush bar of a swanky hotel sipping drinks i’d rather make at home (no, i’ve never made the much loved mojito at home but it’s very doable) and not pay my hard earned rupees for them. and then i noticed this couple of people laughing about something. actually, they were laughing at someone. they were heartily laughing at someone else they know who had at some earlier occasion pronounced champagne with a ch sound, ch as in chair.

person sitting in front of me laughing: hahahahaha!! only an indian would pronounce champagne like that.

i, thinking: hmmm … only an indian will make fun of, rather laugh at, someone who pronounces a word exactly the way it is written.

i think i am becoming overtly critical of things/people around me. maybe hyderabad is getting into me, taking my smiles away.