nothing much to write. i had a good, very tiring weekend. mon and tue have been both pretty crazy. i look forward to … my days … more days … :)

sat evening, i’d accompanied a recent acquaintance i made to something called oktoberfest at taj krishna. though i enjoyed myself thoroughly, it was a disappointment as far as return for money (rs 1500 per couple) goes. the food was especially disappointing. they did have a separate german “food fest” in one of the restaurants i think, but for this li’l event too they’d mentioned german chefs et all. i didn’t see anything different from what i’d see as part of any regular buffet menu. very sad, as i was looking forward to dig in to some authentic german food. beer was all i had all night, the regular kingfisher, again something i’d have any given day. what was funny was that initially they tried serving it out of a keg, but the person who was handling the tap, couldn’t handle it very well, and each time he tried to fill a jug with beer, it got filled with foam. hehehe!!! :) … so then eventually they just started handing out kingfisher bottles. silly! …i was looking forward to some original german sausages, i know i can’t handle any other meat dish. a little trip later to the club ‘ahala’ was not too great either. for one, it’s a tiny, tiny place, which is ok … it could be made cozy … but the moment we entered, the dj started playing house music. thank God i had good company … :)

and then mama asked cy, “will you leave me and go?”
cy hugged her mama and said, “no.”

for the past two days, i haven’t been able to get this song out of my head from the movie ‘jab we met’, the song ‘tum se hee’. he’s sung it in a nice soothing way. and i have been feeling this floating-like feeling, and i’ve been smiling for no reason every now and then. or maybe its just this song in my head .. :)

i look forward to the mum trip, i hope it materializes. i look forward to meeting M, and maybe take a short trip in bandra. :)

how i am feeling today. if i had paints with me, and a huge canvas, i’d create something beautiful.
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yes, i am a wannabe
i wannabe close to you .. :)

sometimes i feel scared. that i’ll get fired and i won’t have any money. i’v always had this fear every now-and-then. even at times when i’ve known in my head that i am doing good in a particular position. and then the thoughts about living on roads terrifies me. it didn’t earlier, i never even thought about it earlier, but now since i’ve had cy, it terrifies me. i know that i am feeling it now only cos i am MSing, but still i feel it … deeply. and it scares me. like that movie, pursuit of happiness, watching it … and just thinking about it terrified me … greatly.

and so i was thinking about it in the afternoon earlier. that a woman’s decisions can greatly get affected by her thoughts, her emotions, just because she is PMS, or SMing during a particular time. that is so not … right … there should be ways to curb it. society as a whole should work towards following measures to help women know and understand the times that they should avoid making decisions, esp the important ones, or at least …

M had a tooth ache. (hope it’s better now.) nothing writable has been happening in my life .. ** sigh ** though please God don’t give me a toothache or a fracture just so i could write about it. thank you God.

i had the most beautiful time with cy last evening. dad had wanted me to check something out from a local gurudwara here in hyd. we left very early in the evening, late afternoon rather. we took a local train to the place. that was one fun event. mostly, as it gets crowded in the local trains, i pick cy up and get on the train. and we normally just try and guess which coaches will be emptier and go stand there, instead of going for the ladies coach. so we went and stood a little away where there was less crowd on the platform. when the train came and finally stopped, loads of people came out from the shades in the back and started crowding the already crowded train. (this particular train was esp crowded as on sundays no trains run in the afternoons till 3:30, and so the 3:30 train, which we took, is quite full.) so i asked cy quickly if we should try and make it to the ladies compartment, that looked somewhat emptier when the train had just pulled in; the coach had stopped a little ahead from where we were standing. i had picked her up in my arms by then. she said a cheery yes, and i ran, with her in my arms, and she laughed and cheered me on. we did make it to the ladies compartment in time (the train stops for about 5-10 seconds on each station). we thankfully got a seat when a sweet girl moved a little inwards, smiling at cy, making enough space for me to fit my bum in. cy sat in my lap.

the whole gurudwara business took about 10-15 mins. i knew that wall-e was playing in a theater not too far off, and that we could make it for the 5 pm show. it was 4:10 pm when we came out of the gurudwara. it was getting dark, the cool breeze evidently moist, and i was thinking that it was dumb of me not to have put cy’s raincoat and my umbrella in my bag. and the moment we stepped into an auto, it started pouring like the heavens were flooded. we huddled together, giggling like li’l girls, catching drops of lashing water in our hands. me, mock-shouting at her cos she just wouldn’t stop putting her hand out in the rain, and she laughing back in return. there was some disappointment for a while there cos as we approached the theater, there was a huge jam and we felt that maybe we won’t be able to get tickets. but we both had loudly and happily preyed to god on our way that “may we please get tickets”. we did reach, before 5, and jumped off the auto, ignoring the auto guy’s request to give him rs 10 extra (i was already paying him “extra” by saying ok to rs 70 as against rs 50, which is what it comes to normally). there was a huge puddle right in front of the gates, which we just couldn’t avoid, as it was raining like crazy and there was no other option but to run straight into the theater. so we hopped into the ankle deep water, much to cy’s happy squeals, and then ran up the stairs towards the ticket counters. thankfully, (thank you God! :)), there were three seats left and i got two. we rushed in, both of ours hands full of steamed corn cups, hot dog, fries, and potato wedges. it really was a happy, happy day. :)

I just saw ratatouille. This one scene towards the end, i felt, is the perfect blend of creativity, visualization, and perfect direction. When Egor puts the spoon full of the dish in his mouth and is taken back to his childhood … and then when his pen falls down to the floor. That was a beautiful rendering of the scriptwriter’s expression. I regret not having seen the film on big screen. Last year, thrice I tried to get tickets and couldn’t as it was house-full. I am glad Cy woke me up in the morning shouting, “ratatouille is showing”.

Yesterday, I and Cy went for Zohan. Good entertainment. Though I almost walked-out in the middle there, as I realized that it was certified A, and very aptly so, but I stuck on. For one, Cy didn’t get half the things, thankfully, and the ones which were obviously A-grade, were done … humorously. She just laughed, heartily. And mixed with that her restless-in-a-theater persona, she was running about the aisle most of the times … I relaxed. And I did enjoy the movie. Though many scenes, are a bit much, and end up being not-funny. like when he raps at his heart first, and then at his “peepee”, when saying good-bye. doing it more than once in the movie … well, i didn’t enjoy watching it post the first time. But like I mentioned, it’s nice entertainment, for a nice, lazy Saturday afternoon, when one just wants to sit back and relax. i’d say, go watch it.

10:30 pm
we went for wall-e in the evening. wow! :) …it’s damn cute.

The scene opens in a pretty, cozy, house which is built more like a cottage. It is full of plants and open on most sides making it very airy and full of light. Ruhia and Dadima are sitting at the old looking dining table (six seater), in the wide balcony, one side of which has wooden criss-cross jaali on which are hanging thick green vines of a plant with tiny flowers in bloom. The wooden doors of the kitchen can be seen right behind. An old fellow, a servant, in pyjama kurta is shuffling about setting things on the table, snacks (pakodey maybe) and some such. There’s a teakettle and two teacups on the table.

Ruhiya:
Dadima, aaj fir akeley chai pee rahi hoon.

Dadima:
Akeley kahan, main hoon na saath. Aur agar mein kaafi nahi to Rameshwar to bhi bitha le saath mein. Kyun rameshwar, chai piyogey? Aao lo thodey pakodey bhi kha lo.

Rameshwar smiles and goes into the kitchen.

Ruhiya:
Dadima, maloom hai, ye mera favorite time hai din ka. I wish Nakul 5 bajey ghar aa jaye aur fir hum dono shaam kee chai ikathhey piyen … [she pauses, and has a dreamy look in her eyes] aur fir [pauses] aur fir, samay ruk jaye … fir kabhi 6 na bajein.

Dadima:
And I wish mein abhi bhi solah kee hoon.

Both laugh for a while and stop and start sipping from their cups.

Ruhiya:
Aaj subah Nakul ne kaha thaa kee wo koshish karega, aaney kee, shaam kee chai ke samay. Aur fir wo bola kee nahi aa paya to ussey ja ke Mall mein miloon. Wo ayega wahan 6:30 bajey.

Dadima:
Achha ja, lekin fir mat phone karna 7 bajey saara gussa mujh pe utartey huye.

Ruhiya:
Nahi Dadima, aaj mein bahut khush hoon. Kuchh bhi ho jaye gussa mujhsey 100 meel door rahega.

Ruhiya quickly finishes her tea and runs out saying, “Achha mein jaldi se change kar loon, 5:30 ho gaye hein.”

Dadima keeps sipping her tea. She then looks around conspiratorially and quietly picks up a pakoda and puts it in her mouth.
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Near the entrance of a Mall, Ruhiya is standing wearing hip huggig jeans and a very smart top with a pretty rucksack style bag hanging over her shoulder. She looks disgruntled and is continously looking at her watch, and then at the entrance of the mall. It is 7 pm and Nakul has not shown up yet. Nearby a pretty looking girl, about 16-17 is buying ice-cream and a couple of guys pass some nasty comments. Ruhiya is looking at her watch and then at the entrance and then at those guys and the girl. The young girl seems very uncomfortable, gets her ice-cream, pays quickly and is trying to get out. When she passes the boys, one of them puts a hand out and rubs the young girs’s thigh. The girl turns and has tears in her eyes. Ruhiya, like a thundering cloud rushes towards them at lightning speed and gives a tight slap on the guy’s face. His friend comes forward and grabs her hair. Her knee jabs into his groin and he reels backwards and she punches the other one who is coming towards her bang on the nose.

Ruhiya:
Mein bahut gussey mein hoon. Trust me, right now, I can kill.

Guy 1:
Bhaag yaar, apney boy friend ka gussa hamarey pe nikalegee.

Ruhiya (grabbing the guy’s collar):
Boy friend nahi, pati.

Guy 2:
Maaf karo sister. Hum to bus time pass karney aaye they. Ab dobara yahan moonh nahi dikhayengey. Ye (pointing at the young girl) to hamari chhoti behen jaisee hai. Hello sister! (waving at the little girl.)

Both the guys run off.

Young girl:
Thanks. I wish mein bhi aap kee tarah dhunaii kar sakti ladko kee. How do you do that?

Ruhiya (in anger):
Merey jaisa pati dhoond lo. Sab ladkon kee dhunaii karne ka munn karega.
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Ruhiya sitting in a restaurant, crying. She’s about to call Dadima (Dadima’s name is flashing on her mobile’s screen), but doesn’t. The name Nisha is on her mobile screen now, she presses the ‘call’ button.

Nisha:
Hey! Kahan hai tu. Kitney din ho gaye tujhsey baat kiye.

Ruhiya (Trying not to sob):
Hi!

Nisha:
Tu ro rahi hai? Ruhiya? Ruh, what happened baby? Ro mat. Where are you, tell me. Mein abhi pahunchati hoon.

Ruhiya:
Yum! Yum! Cafeteria mein. Terey liye kuchh order karoon kya? Mera kuchh khaney ko mun nahi hai, but I think, mujhey kuchh order karna chahiye. Pichhley dus minutes sey baithee hoon yahan.

Nisha:
No problem re. Motu jaanta hai na hum sab ko achhey se. Koi tujhey kuchh nahi kahega. Baithee reh aaram se. I ‘ll see you in 20 mins ok. Achha, and order me a chicken burger. And …

Ruhiya:
Extra fries I know. Theek hai … jaldi kar.

20-25 mins pass.

Nisha enters, looks around, spots Ruhiya and smiles.

Ruhiya looks at the waiter and nods. He brings the chicken burger to the table, with an extra plate of fries.

Nisha:
Yum! Yum!

Waiter:
Yes, that’s what we are called.

Ruhiya and Nisha look at each other quizzically and laugh.

Nisha (chomping on her fries):
Fir nahi aaya na wo promise kar ke. Arrey ab tak to aadat pard jani chahiye tujhey, and you still cry like he is your loving boy friend. I really don’t understand why you’re still with this guy?

Ruhiya (looking idhar-udhar, not caring types):
Message aya thaa uska, 7 baje, kee meeting mein busy hai.

Nisha (opening her mouth wide to take a bite of her big chicken burger):
Hmmm … aur milney ka waqt kya thaa?

Ruhiya:
6:30.

Nisha:
Bahut jaldi yaad aaya usko, kee tumhey message karde. Socha hoga kee ghar se nikalney doon, mall pahunchaney doon, fir karunga message. Issi bahaney shopping bhi kar legi.

Ruhiya (Giggling between her tears)

Nisha (stuffing her face with fries):
What?

Ruhiya (giggling):
Bola thaa usney … in the message … uskey liye socks aur ek tie pick karne ko.

Nisha:
The bloody cheek of this guy. Himmat to dekho uski.

Ruhiya:
You know, that’s what I find cute. Khoon kar ke, kitney pyar se dekhta hai tumhari aur, and uski wo pyari see baby eyes.

Nisha:
You know, tumhari jaisee patniyon kee meherbani hai kee Nakul jaisey husbands manmani kartey hein. They use you every way they can, and tum uff tak nahi karti.

Ruhiya looks out the cafeteria glass walls.

Nisha:
Dekh Ruhiya. Mein kuchh bahut out of the ordinary baat nahi kar rahee hoon. Ek saal ho gaya hai tumhari shaadi ko. Honeymoon ke baad kabhi, kahin gaye ho? Even for an evening out?

Ruhiya:
Arrey, gaye to they … wo tumharey birthday par.

Nisha:
Ma’am, for your kind information, merey birthday ko aath mahiney ho chukey hein.

Ruhiya:
Chhod in baaton ko, look what I bought for him today.

there have been four bomb blasts in delhi yesterday, killing 30, maybe more people, and injuring many, many more. its high time that the muslim community, all over the world, did something about it. in their family, some brats, spoilt rotten have gone so out of hand that they are endangering the entire neighborhood. they need to take care of their kids, since the neighborhood elders too are too scared, or maybe uncaring to do something about it. please, please all get together, unite in this one cause for the peace of the world. i feel you (my muslim brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters) all should threaten these terror monger kids that you will convert. if you are against all religions, then convert to nothing, as long as you are giving up the islam that these terrorists are preaching. make them outcasts, boycott them. why are we taking this shit.

like veer, even i am looking forward to (ok, so maybe he’s not really “looking forward” to it) the huge LHC experiment happening at CERN. at least something is happening, wherever it is. something to look forward to … :)

i have a bad, bad cold. so i have logged on from home and trying to work towards getting myself some work.

ex husband had come a visiting. and i know with all the more surety what i would like in a person if i ever feel like “settling down”. though i think that even if i do settle down, i’d like to move out and move away in a couple of years. a couple of years is what i give to anything. if “it” sustains itself beyond that timeframe then … well good for it .. :)

i am not saying that its true for everyone, but in today’s day and age, and i think i have mentioned this before, it might not be reasonable to expect someone to spend their entire life with you, one person. maybe i will meet someone who i’d like to trap and cage forever, but i will know in my heart that i am not doing the right thing … and not feel bad about it … :)

irony. when in college, we were assigned a paper on it. i don’t remember if i did; write the paper. i know that now i can. and yes, succumbing to the much, much used phrase, please allow me to say that, ‘life is so full of it; irony’.

i have been trying to “write” for some time now. but am just not able to. rather, i just sulk and close the window. there’s this huge cement block, standing tall and strong, completely blocking the view of my mind’s eye. and my mind’s eye too doesn’t much want to see anything. it just wants to close itself and sleep. i am bored. i didn’t even think that it was possible. but i am bored. its because i am not doing things i want to do, but there’s nothing else i can do, not right now. and hence i am going on, not doing anything.

the ganesh utsav committee have put the bhajans/songs etc so loud that i can’t even hear cy properly sitting next to me. and if i complain to the police, i will be the bad guy. last evening at a point i was so irritated that i wanted to go down and break their speakers. no, we “indians” are not tolerant as it is very conveniently boasted, we are plain insensitive and uncaring.

i went to see the dark knight last evening, at prasads imax. really liked the theater, though the movie … i dunno, its not bad, but i don’t know what the brouhaha was about. m feeling very sleepy today. so obviously will not conquer the world as i had planned to last night.

a woman swirling a (heavily) used tampon and whirling it towards the sky shouting, “hum iss khoon se aasman pe iquilab likh dengey; KRANTI LIKH DENGEY”.

here’s one:
when in bollywood, where do you go when you desperately need a screw.
you go looking for ronnie screwvala
hohohohohoho
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though full-time employed, i have some time with me currently. so if there is something i can do for you, i would be glad to. and if it does not involve too much time and/or effort, or provides me with some good experience, i will do it free of charge. hail “free”dom … :)

i don’t know what i want to do. but right now i feel … not so good. last evening, i was missing pune. how easily we had started calling it ‘home’. against all my beliefs of not needing “roots” as we are not trees and are not meant to dig in roots and stay stationary. but somehow, now, i wanna go back home. pune, delhi, anywhere … somewhere. just that i don’t have one … home … nowhere. it’s supposed to be a good thing. be happy gurl…

just read this. scary, very, very scary …

it’s hard to believe somehow. but if it is happening, just think what might happen if all they preach does become the practice. shittt!!! (sorry cy) very, very, very scary … i will go into tapasya, forcibly gain moksha and thankfully never come to this world again. yes, i’d rather put my tail between my legs and run off, away.