last night i was pleasantly woken with the SMS tone of M’s msg saying that Rock On is awesome. i smiled; i too had seen the movie earlier in the evening and had left the hall in a rather cheery mood. it does rock, the music, esp the bit in the end. its very well done, and heavenly to listen to … and at least to my musically illiterate ears sounded pretty good. and for the first time i truly noticed arjun rampal, and wow, does he look good; like a god up there with that guitar and long hair. just awesome … now that rocked. he would look so good as shiva and/or jesus. :) apart from that, i wasn’t impressed much in the beginning/first half of the movie. the flow lacks smoothness and you wonder where its going. though that’s exactly how i like my sex; don’t know where it’s going in the beginning and ending with a huge bang. and there are places where the acting looks staged, not natural. for instance when sakshi and her friend are shopping and talking about her husband’s b’day and KD overhears and turns. arjun rampal, though looking good, looks very obviously older than the rest of the bunch, much older; casting problems. debbie, again as an “acting illiterate” person i felt did a good job. she shows potential, not bollywood potential, but acting potential.

excerpt:
me: hehe .. :)
they have the latest songs though …

M: ok…

me: you know .. in all the songs they have tried to do that high .. tenor thingie ..
and it hasn’t really sounded well everywhere

M: really..i thought that brought out the essence of rock so well

me: but they couldn’t do it …

M: what are u saying?! I think they did it beautifully!
it was awesome!

me: like now that i m listening to phir dekhiye
her voice ..
for one .. it doesn’t sound that awesome .. or MAYBE … its not meant for ‘’soft”
like when she says “zindageeeee mein koi …” … that eeeeee

M: i love that song…everytime i listen to it, a part of me goes tender and soft

me: cos u r tender and soft awedy … HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

M: in fact it brings tears to my eyes…

me: :)
i m in this funny mood today

after the movie we went to chutneys for our night meal; cy’s suggestion. it was out of this world. i wouldn’t say that they have the best dosas, but everytime i eat there, i feel superbly satisfied, esp after their steamed dosa. its diagonally opposite to the nagarjuna circle, i think that’s what’s the intersection’s called. and i think this is the address: Shilpa Arcade, Road No. 3, Banjara Hills, Hyderabad.

i am in a good mood today. happy … for no reason at all. but i don’t mind … its most welcome. :)

i just crushed a slab of chocolate between my teeth and am slowly sucking on its pieces. that should add to the happiness. though i would’ve really loved it if it was hot and gooyee. its my all time favorite: half a cup of milk and a big bar of pure milk chocolate, bring to boil and … slurpppp!!! yumm!! :) ..with just a sprinkle of cinnamon on top. hmm .. :)

i lost my roots
but then when was i ever a tree
i don’t have wings
of course i can’t fly
the process of civilization
has taken the strength from my legs
i can’t jump and climb trees
hell where are the trees though …

…and there goes
my mission in life
fun, frolic, jumping and …
teerathyatra,
lost its meaning
when we took a different road
forgot where we were heading
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

since my return from the holiday with parents, i haven’t had a yummy donut, or cake, or some such. i’m getting this strong urge today to bite into a soft sugary donut.

the other day i was talking with someone on fone about “free”dom. where if not everything, then at least some things are available for free. for example if i had some land somewhere on the outskirts of the city, i wouldn’t mind giving it for free for shooting films, videos etc. or if i write a book, i’ll make it available for free, in case i have another source of income. so you know, things like that. if you can just give it away, please do. i do that with my books. once read, i move them on to my friends.

the other day, actually the other month, an acquaintance met us outside when i and cy were shopping. she shoved her hands in my shopping bags and picked up the new jhumpa lahiri i had just bought, among other books. THAT i didn’t like at all. but she insisted that she’ll return it “in a day” and i was redundantly being polite, so i let her take it. i think its been more than a month and i still haven’t seen the book. i will buy a new one of course; what a huge waste of my hard earned money. and of course i would not like to see that person again … ever, and not just because of that one incident.

these lines came to mind while we were walking back home last evening…

dhoop thee naseeb mein, to dhoop mein liya hai dum
chandni mili to hum, chandni mein so liye

[if it was sun in my destiny then breathed under the sun
if i got moonlight, i slept under the moonlight]

highly symbolic use of sun as harsh life and moonlight as prosperity/good life.

~from the song ‘hum hein rahee pyar ke’ [i am a traveler of love]

…ever notice how when any westerner writes about india, they always, almost always put in pictures of the homeless and street kids. like there are no homeless or street kids where they come from. don’t they ever get invited to a decent home, anywhere in india? get a glimpse of india? afterall that is india too … its reality. funny!!

a couple of times of late cy has been asking me if she could have a little brother or a sister. and i really, really wish i could … give one to her. i would love to have another baby. but i don’t have a … sperm supplier, and even if i did, i’ll never be able to afford all that time and money. ** sigh ** and last evening i tried to explain to her why we needed both a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, and then said to her that well that’s just how it is … no explanations. :) … my darling little angel.

i am so thankful to the universe, to all the positive, negative energies of this planet for making me have cy when i did. thank you so much …

if i wasn’t a completely disinterested, uncaring person, i’d be infuriated. infuriated at the administration, the government, the people who are taking this shit … just like moi perhaps. ** sigh ** and i do have a mind to put my name in the voter’s list here in hyderabad and vote against whoever is ruling in this area where i stay currently. i stay in this place called kukatpally. kulkatpally is joined to the main city, via a place called hi-tech city (knowledge city they call it … laugh … its a joke) by a road. and that road, well, it is anything but. at one point, which is a strategic point, it is not even a broken kachcha rasta from where only one vehicle can pass and that too slowly, carefully, at one time. its the famed “road” under the double track railway bridge right next to the hi-tech station. during the rains, the journey from kukatpally till hi-tech city, where most offices are, has even taken about 1.5 - 2 hrs; it is a 10 mins ride.

this only link from our side of kukatpally becomes a one way twice a day on all weekdays. for 2 - 2.5 hrs in the mornings it is one way from kukatpally till hi-tech city and in the evenings it is a one way the other way round. there is no option actually, as these are peak hrs as many, or maybe most people working in the burgeoning hi-tech city reside in kukatpally. so that means, if on a weekday, i need to go the city, i better reach home by 5, get cy and be out before 5:30 as at 6 the road will close and stay closed till about 8:30. and post 8:30 it is too late to go anywhere one can go with one’s 6 yrs old child.

and yesterday, they topped it all; the stupid, unthinking, incompetent administration. they blocked off the road entirely right at hi-tech station. as a result, one has no option but to turn back, go a good (more?) kilometers in the opposite direction, turn left, travel another 6-7 (more?) kms to reach hi-tech. the direct distance from my place to hi-tech is about 3-4 KMs. how completely dunderhead of them is that? why can’t they just dig half the road if they have to and leave some part of it open so people are not so grossly inconvenienced. and when work is done, then close the that part and open the one that is ready.

i returned home at 12 last night. thank the good lord that my friends decided to drop me, and a hearty thanks to them too. what if i was coming back on my own in an autorikshaw? he would’ve just dumped the two of us, me and cy, like these hyd auto guys are and gone off (now that’s another story). we’d have to walk a good 3/4th of a KM.

someone please tell me, who is the ruling party here.

we’d gone to a restaurant called c’lantro in katriya last night.

good point(s):
alcohol was reasonably priced
friendly staff
nice ambiance

negative:
we ordered german potato salad. it was just boiled potatoes mixed with a mayo dressing.
we were completely unimpressed by everything we ordered
esp. the momos. they were spiced red. even the covering was red and spicy from inside.
the food took a good 70 mins to arrive at our table, after much shouting and threatening from us .. :) we were taken by surprise when they got us our starter, as we were finished with our first round of drinks and had kinda forgotten that we had ordered it and were waiting for the main course … amazing as we were the only guests there when the food arrived. a couple of other tables were occupied when we had entered.

everyone knows that hindi movies of the 50s and 60s were much, much better in content and composition. especially the songs, the lyrics were meaningful and beautiful and the music most touching. there’s this song that i used to hum a lot when i was in my teens, and maybe even later perhaps. veer found the video on youtube and mailed me the link. he’s the sweetest person ever. :)

its a beautiful song, sung in the beautiful voice of mohd rafi, to the lord. its amazing how so many of such beautiful hindu bhajans were sung by this muslim singer. but in show business, and also in any other business that involves serious money you are of a particular religion only by name, and that’s how it should be … anywhere. ** sigh **

here’s the song (the lyrics), with translation:

badi der bhayi - 2
kab logey khabar merey ram - 2
chaltey-chaltey merey pug haarey
ayee jeewan kee sham
kab logey khabar merey ram

[its been so long
when will u ask about me my ram (the lord ram)
my feet hurt i've been walking so long (as per indian ref life, or it even life's struggles are a lot of times represented as 'walking')
its my life's dusk now]

kehety hein tum ho daya ke sagar
phir kyun khali meri gagar
jhoomey jhukey kabhi na barsey
kaisey ho tum ghan shyam

[they say you are a sea of generosity
then why is my gagar (earthen pot) empty
it looms large (maybe dance?), it comes down, but never rains
what kind of a person/entity are you ghan shyam (ghan shyam is lord krishna)]

hey ram. hey ram [o lord. o lord]
badi der bhayii ….

sun ke ko beherey bun jaogey
aap hee chhaliya kehlaogey
meri baat baney na baney
ho jaogey tum badnaam

[if you turn a deaf ear even after listening
you're the one who'll be called a ditcher(?)
my work gets done or not
you'll get a bad name]

hey ram. hey ram [o lord. o lord]
badi der bhayii ….

its very soulful; the way he’s sung it. beautiful.
this is the youtube link to the song: http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks2hBqUSKB0

veer advised this correction:
In the song…badi der bhayi…he is singing to Ram, and he does not refer to lord Krishna. When he says…kaise ho tum ghun shyam…he actually means what sort of a dark cloud are you (ghan shyam); ghan means cloud and shyam means black. That’s why he says: “Jume jhuke kabhi na barse, kaise ho tum ghan shyam, kaise ho tum ghan shyam, hey Ram, hey Ram.”

if i knew how to hate, i’d hate my name. i don’t like it now. and since yesterday i have been feeling that its affecting my life negatively. i’d thought of doing that in 2004, change my name. but the amount of effort involved discouraged me. but now i feel that the numerological effect, or maybe just the sound of it is affecting my life in a negative way; changing aspects of that are making it turn out to be somewhat (negatively) different. i believe in missed opportunities, and maybe this name is always steered my mood to make the “wrong” decision. though there is a possibility that this very name, by the very nature of it (if what i say is true) might make me miss the (mis)opportunity to die … and that might be a positive thing. hmmm….

yesterday wasn’t good somehow. the day started with a headache, which about stretched till the rest working hrs. and in the evening i binged on mirchi pakodas and jalebi, the jalebi was awesome and deep down somewhere i am glad i had it. it was dipped in jaggery syrup and not the regular sugar syrup. it was perfect. :)

i went to bed last night with a beautiful dream of 2 sizzling fired eggs with a slice of bread toasted to golden perfection. that dream was shattered in the morning when sul presented me the plate that proudly exhibited scrambled eggs on top; the toast was perfect though. i had asked sul to fry the eggs. she does that sometimes, following her own rhythm, her hands perform tasks without giving much thought to what actually needs to be done. i should’ve volunteered making cy’s hair. i felt bad about it later, while munching on the toast and scrambled eggs. poor thing, i’d asked earlier to slice some papaya for me, and she still had to put cy’s uniform on her cute nonu bum.

time has whizzed past crazier than it did last year. i mean wow! it seems like .. well, not yesterday, but close enough .. that we were in goa celebrating new years’. and it is near september already. wow … time is surely flying like a fighter jet. apparently its a global phenomenon … everyone is feeling it. its the perception that’s changing actually. there are so, so many things now to take up one’s time that one doesn’t realize and spends all time without knowing what actually hit one. one needs to quickly teach li’l cy to take care of herself and retire to a beautiful beach by the hills. :)

one is still fantasizing about sushi and sambhar …

dear god,

please enable me to spend a good 15 days (or more), here: http://www.pangkorlautresort.com/index.htm

thanks,

:0)
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

just had this thought. sambhar will go very well with sushi ….

i am fasting today. and mostly i am pretty good with fasts .. rather even a bit arrogant about the fact that i can keep a 24 hrs fast without much ado. but today … i feel hungry … and ridiculously so. various visuals of food are dancing in front of my mind’s eye. and i saw dosa and sushi in quick succession and realized that i’d like to dip my sushi bite into some thick sambhar. yumm!!! my mouth is watering .. shit!!!

there are some songs that sooth one’s soul. rajigandha phool tumharey is one of them. it was a nice day today. woke up early to get cy into a saree for her role of sarojini naidu for the school’s independence day program. it’s weird though, schools opening on the I Day, even if just to celebrate it. rather … ridiculous i must say … yes, i have to … say. it is rather ridiculous. but it was worth it. she looked … priceless. the little saree clad girl. almost everyone on the road looked at her, took a small break from whatever they were doing and/or thinking and smiled. and i, the proud mama, smiled back, and then they smiled back at me. so many early morning smiles, the best way to start a day. :) the yummy, scrumptious medu vada and some hot poori aloo also helped. tomorrow morning’s gobi paranthas … here i come .. :)

in case i don’t log on tomorrow.

Happy Independence Day everyone.

I hope and pray to God, and universe, and to whoever is listening, that there are no bomb blasts or any such cases anywhere. and I hope and pray that the restless souls of terrorists find some respite and understand the redundancy and the extremely tragic and pointless results of their violent actions … ameen … amen … ** folding my hands and bowing my head **

my baby takes after me. :)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>> 5:07 pm < <

i just got a glimpse inside me. i knew this about myself, i think always, but now i have a clarity … of seeing it from a different perspective. clarity about the fact that although i am an understanding person, there is no way that i can be with someone who will expect me to “understand”. i don’t wanna understand. i do not understand. maybe that’s what makes me … dysfunctional when it comes to … relating.

the hand that will fit the glove i guess is the hand that is naked. i do not understand why you need clothes to cover yourself when its just us here in this world …

this, esp for someone who never gave me passwords to his mailboxes. :) yes, i am like that, you can see mine, i will definitely demand to see yours … :)

the silliest of things happened yesterday. cy and i, as usual, were whiling away time, but yesterday it was extra special as the weather was awesome and we were like floating in the cool, moist breeze, singing out loud. it was beautiful. so there we were going nowhere, and cy saw this cafe and said lets have cappuccinos. she always does that, to the amusement of all adults around, says out loud, ‘let’s have cappuccino’, walks in the cafe and orders a milkshake. well, so there we were, sitting with our respective beverages and sandwiches, when this … uh .. huh … hunk of a guy walks in. huge, awesome built, definitely a body builder and a handsome (though a little blank looking) face. he and his friend go and sit on the table right in front of us, as in, in front of me and to cy’s back. well, i did appreciate the … fine male specimen but soon got busy securing my fries from cy and wiping her face and all. and then suddenly i saw the hunk face staring blankly at my face; so i smiled, and he smiled back … a cute, cute smile. i looked away, paid the bill and we walked out. we entered in this ’boutique’ next door, shopped some, and then when i was just finished, i saw the two friends (hunk and his friends) pass by the boutique and walk towards the building exit. now, the friends walked on, and the hunk stopped near the boutique, and by the way he kept looking in our general direction, i guessed why. believe it or not, i felt a silly flutter in my tummy. i pay, and i get out, and i walk towards him. i smile, he smiles, actualyl we both smiled together. and he says, ”this your baby?”. “yes” i say, still smiling, and walking. “she’s very sweet” says he, and i say “thanks” still smiling and quickly, rather, very quickly walk off. and left him standing there, with that cute, yearning, puppy look on his face. awww!! i feel so stupid. for having acted like a school girl and walked off like i had seen a ghost. maybe the good lord gave a beautiful opportunity and i let it pass … :-/

:0)

PS: a most weird thing .. he looked very familiar .. his face .. very boyish .. but big

let there be happiness,
and joy, and love.

everytime you called and said hi
i wondered what you thinking of today
cos everyday you said one and did another
and my feelings to your words and then your actions swayed

but now i feel a calm, a rest
my fluttering heart has decided to stay
it doesn’t jump now everytime the phone rings
esp after i realized that you are gay

yesterday morning, i asked cy what she thought of the world. if it was good or bad. she said that the world is good, and she said it with such conviction. i believed her, at least for that moment.

today is one of those days that i really wanna cut my hair short, again. maybe go bald. i called some friends and they are all busy. this stupid feeling creeps into my head that maybe they don’t wanna talk to me. maybe no one wants to talk to me. i know its lack of proper sleep. the stupid cold wind keeps the house cold and i can’t get comfortable at night. i wake up and walk around with dark circles around my eyes. i haven’t had dark circles around my eyes in ages. is it just lack of sleep? my tummy too hasn’t been feeling too happy of late. what can i do to make my body happy.

the other day, we had some awesome .. awesomely yummm mirchi pakodas. it was drizzling, and the smell of the frying pakodas pulled us like the fumes had hands and they had inserted their fingers up our nostrils, just like in the tom and jerry cartoons. :) and we got pulled and started drifting towards the little shack, our feet off the ground, just floating. as thought, they weren’t too pungent. the whole green chilly inside had that nice, fleshy green chilly flavor but not the acidity, and the outer thick besan batter covering was sumptous. we ate a loadful. :)

a reader requested that i put up this whole poem here. so here it is, one of my all time favorite poems:

i guess the protagonist tries to relate to lord krishna, who, it is said, used to go up the “kadamb” tree and play his flute (as per this poem). i might’ve mixed up the tenses .. it’s tricky, as it’s been written in the past tense sitting in the present. like, if this was that way and if that was this way ..

yeh kadamb ka ped agar ma hota yamuna teerey
mein bhi us par baith kanhaiyya banta dheerey-dheerey

[if this kadamb tree, ma, was on river yamuna's shore
then, i too, would've sat on it and become krishna gradually]

le deti yadi mujhey bansuri tum do paisey wali
kisi tarah neechey ho jati yeh kadamb kee dali

[if you'd bought me a flute for 2 paisa
and if somehow this kadamb branch would've lowered]

tumhey nahi kuchh kehta par mein chupke-chupke aata
us neechee dali se amma unchey par chhad jata

[i would've not have said anything to you, but come slowly
from that lowered branch i would've climbed high up]

wahin baith fir badey mazey se mein bansuri bajata
amma amma keh bansi ke swar mein tumhey bulata

[sitting there, joyously, i would've played the flute
ma, ma i would've called out for you in the flute's voice]

sun meri bansi ko ma tum itni kush ho jati
mujhey dekhney ko tum bahar kaam chhod kar aati

[listening to my flute ma you would get so happy
to see me you would come out, leaving all work]

tumko aata dekh bansuri rakh mein chup ho jata
patton mein chhip kar fir dheerey se bansuri bajata

[seeing you approaching i would've kept the flute down and quietened
hiding among the leaves i would've played the flute again]

bahut bulaney par bhi ma jab nahi utar kar aata
ma, tab ma ka hridya tumhara bahut vikal ho jata

[and when, even after you having called out for long i wouldn't come down
ma, then your mother's heart would get so restless]

tum aanchal phela kar amma wohin ped ke neechey
ishwar se kuchh binti karti baithee aankhey meechey

[you, spreading your aanchal ma right there under the tree
would pray to god sitting with your eyes closed]
(aanchal is that part of the saree cloth that hangs behind the shoulder. women use it a lot to wipe their hands, mouths, kids, spread etc…)

tumhey dhyan mein lagi dekh mein dheerey-dheerey aata
aur tumharey phailey aanchal ke neechey chhip jata

[seeing you lost in though i would come slowly
and hide under your spread aanchal]

tum ghabra kar aankh kholti par ma kush ho jati
jab apney munney raja ko godi mein hee pati

[you open your eyes in surpurise but become happy
when you find the apple of your eyes right there in your lap]

it’s your typical awesome weather today. light drizzle, moist breeze, grey clouds … awesome. one must go home and cuddle up with one’s darling li’l angel. :) everyday now she insists that she deserves a day off from school, and that if i don’t let her it will mean that i don’t love her … at all. everyday i hug her, and tell her how much i love her, and send her off to school. my li’l darling princess. :)
***********************************************************************************************************

excerpts from a chat i recently had with my friend M:

me: dats wat i think she said ..
but now i think i will re-confirm :)
so … i wanted 2 ask u something ….

M: huh?

me: if u wanna keep an open mind about it

M: yes..tell me

me: u really don’t like the sleeping with married men business … you have a strong viewpoint about it ..?

M: yes

me: its ok if u don wanna discuss
why do you think i might be wrong in doing it (sleeping with married men)

M: as in..i feel strongly about that
well…i think some marriages go through tough times…they have to run their course…those times people are vulnerable…they are acting out
sometimes they may be doing stuff to hurt their partner, looking for validation, or whatever

me: these guys … these … men … are out there .. its their crime. but if IT is available, i as a third, non-participating party do not find anything wrong in ….doing it

M: okay..but are you non-participating?

me: i wudn’t really care why they are doing it …. dats there business

M: if i leave my wallet unattended, sure..its my mistake…and anyone could very well walk away with it

me: non-participating in their “deal” with whoever ..
but they are not a wallet … esp not “left” unattended.

M: but if someone does take my wallet, doesnt that make the person complicit?
i see your point..

me: look .. as a wife … i really don wanna be with a guy who i need to “attend to” all the time … i’d rather not be with him in such a case

M: i definitely think that it is their responsibility more…
but…well..

me: yes … its their responsibility .. but they “choose” to be disloyal … it’s really not my … concern

M: :-)

me: :)
wat?
why the :)
wat????

M: it may not be your concern…but isn’t it ur responsibility as a person to not be part of a betrayal?

me: its not my betrayal is wat i m saying
look .. for the wife … it will not matter who the “other” person is …
if he’s betrayed her … he’s betrayed her … with whoever…
and there are some wives .. who know and let it be and then crib …
those kinds are just plain …. not intelligent
hmmm?
look … i am not … trying to explain myself … or justify … i don’t feel a … guilt ..

M: well..i guess thats where we differ…i would think it is my betrayal as well…

me: but it matters to me what you think

M: see j…we think very differently about sex to begin with

me: it will be if you .. conspire and try and trap or make the guy do it ..

M: no..it wont be…

me: BUT if he is already there … standing naked and ripe to be plucked … then you really don’t think ..
there is a fine line … but a line never the less

M: to me, if i know a man has a wife but he is still looking out, or wants to be with me
i will think about the wife…

me: i guess u r thinking of a “relationship” and i m thinking of a one-2 time thing
hmmm?
yes .. ** sigh ** we think differently..

M: no..i mean everything - one-two time thing as well as a relationship

me: but if we were in court.. and you were the judge .. you will put me in .. for something i don’t think is wrong

M: like..okay..to put it simply…i would not like it to happen to me, so i wont do it to someone else

me: EXACTLY
EXACTLY
listen to me now …

M: no…only men get punished for adultery

me: it DID happen to me …. but i did not blame the girl/woman
because i knew she is not to be blamed …
hmmm?

M: ok…

me: it is not the other girls fault …

M: but u dont think it would be appropriate for her to back off knowing the guy she was with was married

me: the man already has committed the crime by starting to look out in the first place

M: i’m not talking about fault here
sometimes even the partner is not at fault
i am just talking about taking responsibility
thats not the same as accepting blame

me: yes … its the guy’s responsibility is all i m saying
and i will not accept blame for something i haven’t done

M: what have you not done?
have you not known that the man was legally married to someone else?
don’t accept blame…

me: that the man is in a legal bond with someone is his business …

M: its not only a legal bond

me: it’s not in my scope to worry about it … as i will not be responsible for any deals or partnerships that he has undertaken

M: :-)
okay..this sounds like business

me: even emotional … all the more emotional because the very fact that he is taking this HUGE step means .. there are no emotions ..
i m just trying to make my point clear ..

M: it doesn’t mean that

me: :)

M: sometimes, for whatever reasons, couples drift apart…or they cant handle feelings for each other

me: because increasingly i m finding that it is much easier and much safer to have sex with married guys …
so then they should …. be apart then .. instead of making each other miserale
*misreble
*miserable
and if not me .. they’ll do it with someone else …
besides there’s this other thing i have been thinking about …
are you tired?

M: well…i just find it a little …icky..to be with a man when his wife could be very innocently arranging dinner or taking care of his ailing mother or thinking of names of their children…maybe she thinks that despite whatever fights he and her husband have, there is a common expectation of upholding some kind of dignity..and no matter what the man thinks, I will not destroy that trust…whether it actually exists or not

me: :)
u think a lot ..

M: i dont…
this was a very clear issue with me…
but lately, i seem to be seeing the other layers

me: wat layers

M: well..i used to think all people who commit infedility or are part of it are bad people…immoral..
but now i see that this is not always true
they are people who are good in their own ways but have their blind spots

me: we think differently about marriage also … i don’t think it shud be binding .. dats why i think i don’t want to get into one … i think .. it’s an unreasonable bond and expectation..
hmm … blind spots

M: isnt parenthood?

me: it’s not an imposition … its natural
and there are no “expectations”

M: not really…

me: i will not question my grown up child why she is doing what she is doing

M: some people feel compelled to have babies because its the done thing

me: she has no .. obligation towards me …
dats their … hehe … ummm ….

M: really? shouldnt she be responsible for taking care of her mother?

me: u do agree that one shud not do things jus because they are considered the done thing …

M: shouldnt she be thankful or appreciative of what all her mother has done for her?
why not?

me: and wat if a marriage is a sham … and a true love can’t find culmination just because a mistake happened many years ago
being thankful is different .. but she is not bond by it
*bound

M: then one has the balls to end the marriage and take the leap, instead of pussyfooting around and trying to have the best of both worlds

me: no … parents shud take care of themselves .. and not expect their children to “bear the burden”
i agree there …
:)
i haven’t much seen the term pussyfooting … heeheehee!!!!

M: i don’t know..i don’t see why duty should always be deemed to be the stodgy grim counterpart to ‘doing your own thing’
sometimes, from duty is born love and respect and honor and pride

me: i didn’t get that ..
but when all that is missing … i will go have my fun not worrying about what the guy should’ve or should’nt have done

M: sigh..this is where i don’t understand some stuff
i think i better not try..

me: wat stuff

M: how is it ‘fun’

me: no … i don’t think my feelings can reach far enough to be able to touch and/or empathize with the poor creature sitting in his home ..

M: well mine can..and usually does
in fact, always

me: wat’d u mean how it is fun … i m not gonna give u the gory details here

M: no i mean..i think sex is beautiful, meaningful, and should only be with who u love…

me: i love all men :)

M: so i cant fully appreciate the alternative view point…

me: bible says that
not i … that love all men … :D

M: the bible is also pretty vocal on adultery.. ha ha ha
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PS:
i personally feel that men who cheat on their wives are … baskets. they should be … used and disposed off .. :)
ditch em girls. u don’t need a husband … not that kind at least. :)