i am still looking for a flat-mate. i am such a huge lazy-ass. completely reactive in nature, not pro-active. i am so truly in-tune with nature. everrthing natural is reactive, everything happens as a result of something else happening. :)

nanak dukhiya sab sansar! [nanak says(?) all world is sad]
why can’t all world be happy.

i love the name nanak. if i ever have/had a baby boy, the name nanak will be it. enough weirdnesses have happened in life. but each time it happens again, i can’t help but wonder on the strangeness of it. wow!

who would’ve thought!!

i saw this, some lines i had written somewhere in the past and i think forgot to publish:

i saw the back of a guy in the morning. he overtook me on the road. well his back, rather his t-shirt read Arizona. i tried to visualize a t-shirt that said Uttar Pradesh, or even Maharashtra, but couldn’t. we all suffer from low self-esteem.

this week has been rather dreary. i have been feeling dead and de-energized these past few days. i did plan to ‘write’ some by EOD, but now that its 7:30, i just wanna rush back home. i will. adios!

i did take a chhutti today. there was no other option actually. i would have definitely collapsed if i’d tried to go to work.

and i went till the gate to get cyra from where her school bus drops her. it was perfect. the little chill in the air, the warm, beautiful and bright sunshine, and then her sweet, round laddoo of a face, smiling, when she emerged from the bus, smiling. :)

i have not had any time for myself and not enough for my li’l angel for quite sometime now. i hope this changes soon.

a thought: a lot of men around have wives they do not deserve.

another thought: i feel one cannot “depend” on God. someone i met in the morning said that, “i depend only on God”. if one were a dependent, God would have looked after one and not made one “struggle”, they way one does. not that one minds (in many cases), as one is working towards one’s own happiness/satisfaction. therefore, i think, one can only depend on oneself. anyways it won’t be fair to God, if one does not.

my ex-husband had a wife he didn’t deserve. :)
last evening, as usual of late, i returned home late night, to a beautifully chilled night breeze, and a clear, starry sky. i was smiling about nothing, when suddenly i saw a shooting star. i was about to launch an array of thoughts from divine to romantic to awesome about the phenomenon when i realized that it’s just a part of some lost, sad stone, revolving in space for all eternity, that suddenly got interrupted and met it’s end of the current status of being by entering earth’s atmosphere and making a woman coming home late-night from work, happy.

i’ll try and describe myself. i’ve always struggled with it while creating … profiles. i think a foto is the best profile.

hmmm….

it’s 12:13 in the night, or rather, 00:13. we had ordered food from a place near office. my hands are drenched in the heavy stink masala gravy and onions, but i came straight to my computer, wiped my hands with a tissue and just plopped on my seat. right now, i so wish to leave everything and just go home. i think i’ll take a chhutti tomorrow.

i don’t know what i have been feeling of late. extreme, over-whelming emotions that have left a quietness behind. it feels like the sea has quietened .. at last .. a lull. but suddenly .. another tremor shakes the surface and turns everything upside down, a huge tsunami, comes swiftly, and in its deadly wake, sweeps all calmness, and all goodness away, leaving … an empty, wailing heart behind.

i think i am realizing something new. something i have not been aware of in ages. i am beginning to come to terms with the fact that i am getting bored. right now, in this moment. it’s been so long that i don’t even exactly remember how it feels … to get bored. and i am concluding that i am getting bored not so much because i “feel” it, but because i am gaging the typical symptoms. there’s nothing on the tv, and since i haven’t showered in 2 days now, i am avoiding going out, besides i would like to save money. i am hence switching over from one website to another, having completely gotten over fantasizing about one guy or another, and even that too is not satisfying. Oh My God! I am getting bored. wow!!!

unclear times. the only thing i am clear about is the haze, like time is flying so past i can’t even see what it looks like. am i sad, scared, unhappy, excited? i don’t know … i guess nothing..