Once we get over this really convenient thought that we are slaves to the elements, to the fates and destinies, helpless fragile beings, that we cannot do anything but submit and eventually succumb; do we realize that we are the emperors, supreme beings, all of us, yes, special, like everyone else, for one is not different than the other, not fundamentally. Difficult is what we have made the existence, the terrain of life, hard, barren, thorny and seemingly impassable.

i feel like a child today. excited … jumpy. i want to go here, there, anywhere, but office. :) it’s been ages i haven’t really “worked”. my core skill, what i do. i am feeling such a rush of energy right now to do just that, create courses, design curriculums. dear god, please bring something my way. :)

i haven’t written anything here in a long, long time. i have been going through a lot of emotions lately. i wouldn’t call them emotional turmoils, but … whirlpoolish. or maybe it’s just the weather. not hot, not cold, you just don’t know what it is. i am feeling especially … cut-off today. just wanna be quiet and go on top of a mountain and sit under a shady tree .. and just keep sitting. no talk, no move, no thought. an organization, or rather, your work in an organization should be flexible enough to let you take off on such days. if i wasn’t so lazy and a complete waste of a human being that i am, i would’ve created such an organization. an organization full of “mature” people, who understand that it’s ok not to work one in a while.

mujh par bhi pani dalo, o mali pipe waley..

the morning azan from a nearby masjid wakes me many times at around 5 in the morning. but today i couldn’t go back to sleep. i’m glad now, i love hearing the birds chirping and singing early morning. and it gives me time to think, which i haven’t been getting much of, of late. i was down with food poisoning this past week. it was a very harrowing week. and i was scared for a while there, the pain and nausea so much that i thought that maybe i was going to die. i obviously didn’t, and i am glad. thank you god.

it left my body weak. and now i am in this weird zone. i have been feeling

i am back after a week-long spat of sickness. sickening sickness .. yikes. at least i lost some weight. * phew *

but i feel better now. not so physically, but mentally. the insecurities that were there the week before are still there, but the fear is curbing a bit. i feel newer, lighter, though i was sad yesterday, i made a conscious effort to combat that sadness and quickly dozed off, thereby eliminating the sadness. and today i feel good. :)

:(