the weekend whizzed pass by. it must have been great. :)

after losing my desire/urge to sketch and paint, i am losing my desire to write too … happily. :) as in, i do feel bad that i am not doing anything ‘worthwhile’ anymore, but somewhere deep down it seems OK. :)

although happy and somewhat content, i am not truly content with the way this organization works … the one that i work for …

i feel so much love today. around me and in me…

i feel a similarity between krsna and christ…

thought for the day:
my weaknesses don’t scare me, and that’s my strength.

i feel terrible today. mostly physically. tired! body hurting. sleepy. and i just saw this site on veer’s site. i had been thinking about the same thing throughout the weekend. that it truly is a dismal world. the stupid lot that we are, we are fast heading towards a painful, slow, tortorous self-distruction. i feel even more miserable thinking about cy and her (their) kids. i’ve always known life is pointless. but have been happy as i love .. living. but now. knowing that it’s not going to be a happy holiday anymore, esp for cy .. that the water is going to dry up, there’ll be rioting all around, bitterness levels are going to rise to an all time high leading to so much negativity all around. ah!

on a different note, i think yesterday we were watching some preview of some musical coming out in hollywood. i saw cy look at it excitedly and then she turned to me and said with double the excitement, “mama, i want to be a character when i grow up.” i said, “actor?” she just looked at me, her eyes getting wider just as her smile. since i am reading harry potter aaj-kal, i’d say that she is truly a little, divine, magical creature. :) a cheer in my dismal world .. *sigh* :(

shiv hee sundar hai.

today morning, on my way to work, for the first time in my life, i kind of felt, realized, what i want to do in life. a kind of a plan formed. i will work till cy is old enough and out on her own, and then i will do what i have always wanted to do. nothing. wow! just thinking about it stirs butterflies in my tummy. i am so happy already. wow! wow! :) ahhh!!!! :)

the weekend was crazy. esp sunday. i was on my feet and out of the house 10:30 and returned

going by the christian faith, i wonder if you go to hell if you die of lung cancer brought on by incessant smoking, as technically that would be suicide, it being a major sin and all.

just 10 mind back sitting in an auto, i was bubbling with this thought i wanted to put here. and now i have no idea what it was. my mind is drowned in the heavy, greasy mists of the hot, sputtering sausages that i just had for lunch, causing drowsiness.

yesterday, i was also thinking about how some people make each other’s lives miserable, hell rather, esp. in a union they call marriage. most of the population has no idea, as usual, what it truly means. love and marriage.

mmm … a big, wet kiss for anyone who can get me a warm, melting, chocolate pastry with fudge right now. yummmm…..

it’s a beautiful morning out there. it’s not raining, the Earth is comparatively dry. the breeze, cool and relaxing.

we, the working lot, are not living. we are struggling. struggling to look like the living. living are those who do not have to work to earn a living. they don’t “earn” a living, they just have it, a life. truly living are those who wake up in the sweet coolth of the morning and don’t start preparing for what they ‘need’ to do, but rather what they want to do, or not do.

i know. i know. i haven’t warmed by dear blog for a long time now. but … sorry blog, last week was a flurry of activities. though last week i had so much to ‘write’ about. so many thoughts that’d come to my mind that i wanted to jot down before they disappeared .. but disappear they did, and i couldn’t even catch the tail. there is one thought though, that is still there, though not in completeness, but just the gist of it.

to become better, the world needs awareness. that is it. each individual, or at least each head-person of each section of every society in the world needs to be aware, and then sensitive …

the entire saturday i spent sitting in the living room, the balcony doors wide open, letting the cool, moist monsoon air in, staring blankly at the soft, fast, scores of rain drops falling with abandon on the lush (that is the only word) green spread across the view of my 2nd floor house. just thinking about it, sitting here in office is relaxing. :) i am almost done with harry potter 2. thanks Z. :)

one reason i’d rather stay here in India and work than try and ‘get out’ is that India offers job security. the no and frequency of people getting fired for ‘cutting-losses’ is definitely less here.

4:32 pm .. post Blue’s comment:

:)