…zindagi, har kadam, ik nayee, jung hai :)

i am listening to a himesh reshamiya song. i like his music/songs. as a matter of fact, a coupla his songs are my favourites, jhalak dikhlaja and ashiq banaya. i listen to them all the time. dunno why a lot of people don’t, or pretend not to, like him. have you even listened to him veer? what do you think? i think his songs are very peppy. very danceable. :)

piti, S, get up girls. come let’s do something. :)

no. nothing is happening in my life, and that is good. i am thrilled, excited, it’s .. it’s exhilirating. i haven’t been this glad ever. i hope, and i pray that things stay this way. :)

i was getting a cute labrador some time back, 2 yrs old. but i didn’t take the sweet boy. :( i’m not sure how long i’ll be in this city .. 2, maybe 3 yrs, and then i don’t know how long i’ll be in the next city. so i am not sure at all if i’ll be able to handle the responsibility his well being. not to mention my own little monster in the house. but i really wish i could have a canine in the house. it’ll be good for cy too … *sigh* … also it’ll be too much to ask of sul, taking care of the li’l monster angel and also the pup … :/

this is what my horoscope says for today (courtesy Cainer):
Sometimes, in a moment of inspiration, we come up with a brilliant vision. We change the course of our life-ship and set sail towards a better destination. Sometimes, though, in a similar sudden moment, we can seize upon some dreadful notion. We can get hold of the wrong end of the stick, jump to a ridiculous conclusion, divert precious energy away from all that has merit towards some dire, dubious direction. Now, about the thought you are currently thinking, into which category does it fall?

is he saying that my current relaxation and feeling good about nothing happening in life is not really good? what do you think veer?

i just started the first harry potter. Z has promised to lend me her collection one after the other as and when i finish them each. :) happy reading to me …

last night i dreamt that i am flying, high over this city, a pretty city, with sections of red and yellow and other colorful buildings. but in wasn’t on a plane, it was something of a bus with an open-rooftop. and i was holding on to these low side railings, really scared, and i think cy was with me cos i felt a motherly kinda scare. i think it crashed then and cy had a cut on her head but i was glad that it’s just that.

my brain has been full of ideas, but my body is not with it at all.

*phew* i don’t know it was a good weekend or bad. it made me feel that time is running really, really, fast, and soon my darling angel will grow up and i will keep wondering what happened to all those moments i had planned to spend an eternity in just holding her and sitting quietly. i didn’t like it ta all.

the weekend started beautifully. dad had been insisting that i go to the gurudwara as it was the shaheedee diwas (martyr day) of our guru Arjun Dev. so friday evening, i reached home around 7 and asked a neighbourhood friend Mns to accompany me and cy and sul along with her 3yr old. i didn’t even go home to freshen up or anything thinking that we’ll just go, teko matha and come back. so we all quickly gathered ourselves in an auto-rikshaw and merrily headed towards the gurudwara. we reached there and were greeted by a merry crowd of worshippers and kids and sweet old people smiling and generally having a good time. the atmosphere inside the gurudwara was overwhelming … it’s a huge hall, just the space spreads your mind out. and the white sheets, the shabads, the nostalgia, we just sat our bums there and enjoyed the kirtan. and soon enough we realized that langar (yummy food in the communal kitchen) will be served. that is invitation enough to stay for as long as it takes for anyone who’s enjoyed langar before. at around 8:10 we came out of the main hall where the kirtan was going on and headed towards the kitchen and thought of doing some sewa till the lunger was served. i haven’t had so much in ages now. we stood there and rolled rotis on marble tables, one every 10 seconds. wow! it was fun. thought initially my long nails intered in rolling, but i soon got used to doing it so that the nails did not dig into the dough. and then we got tired, and just sat there in a lobby kind of a place. the place was teeming with kids of all ages and our kids mingled and ran and squeeled around happily. after a long, nice wait, we went and sat down on the floor, in a row, the way that yo do for a langar, and got served yummy food.

saturday whizzed past like a tornado in a flurry of activity, and sunday was a poetry in stillness. we spent the entire afternoon sitting out in the balcony, staring at the fresh, wet green on the early monsoon, looking at the birds, breathing in cool moist breeze…

i feel terrible today. physically, and hence mentally. i wish i was working from home. i feel i am wasting my life, and my precious time … for money that irrespective of how much i make, i spend by the 25th of the month. ah!

if i work from home .. i can start doing hazaar different things .. if only i wake up from my constant slumber, which i normally sink into if i am at home.

it’s a beautiful morning today. :) ah! if only the beginning of monsoon could last all year. :) even the white bouganvillea look so colorful. :)

i believe in miracles.

this can qualify for Murphy’s law:

i rarely moisturize my hands in the morning before i leave for office. on the rare occassions that i do, i almost always go crap by 10:30-11, thereafter washing my hands with soap. and no, i don’t carry the hand cream to office.

yet something else happened last night that served as proof that there is nothing here, in this world, but just us. things happen as a consequence of pre-events, that’s the only “grand order”. so the only thing you can do is, be happy, that you’re still standing on your own too feet. :) .. it’ll help if you are self-sufficient and do not “hope” and “expect” etc.

2:02 PM:

i just came back from meeting the good doctor i had mentioned about earlier. the paedodontist i had taken cy too. everything worked out fine. and if everything keeps working out fine, her treatment will start this weekend. *thank you God*

*dear God, please make cy’s teeth alright, i will not pray for anything else at least for this year. :)*

my tummy hasn’t been feeling good since this last weekend. yesterday, i tried not eating anything all day, but then by lunchtime it hurt even more so i had idli. but by the evening it was still squirming within. i wonder if i should go see a doctor.

last’s night dream was very … real .. in feel. and strangely i woke up, went back to sleep and was in the same place again. or maybe that was a dream. i am feeling lazy and sleepy so won’t type it out there.

some days ago i was thinking about how my first boyfriend blamed me for our break-up. well, i blame him.

last night, i SMSed dino morea again, under heavy influence of toxic gases in my tummy as a result of wrongful indulgence in oil-dripping edibles. i had a glassful of garam pani (as suggested by M), and hit the bed along with a restless, soft, cute n cuddly little monster insisting that she is not sleepy. strange! i can’t remember at all what i dreamt about.

a wonderful thing happened last evening. three really close friends of my childhood called up, out of the blues. it was really exciting. i felt exhilirated having talked with them after so long. i have had a good childhood. :)

i have been eating a lot since this past week. like crazy. it’s not that i just go and eat. i really get this craving, and my stomach walls fall on each other and i just have to, have to go eat. someone just told me that lack of sex does that. does it? :(

i am planning no-sex-for-long-time; till as long as possible. if it’s true it’s gonna be difficult.

last night was weird. due to some un-healthy, non-nutritious food at dinner time, my tummy started acting weird and was soon stressed out. i was pretty uncomfortable when i hit bed. after a couple of weird dreams i woke up at 3 … and am still awake, though now at work.

update: 4:49 pm

i had this dosa from the terrace canteen in the morning and have been crapping ever since. :-/

all that crapping starved me i guess. so i went up with Z again and had (together with Z) idli, bhel, bread pakora, and a bite of samosa. :)

:-(

if only i had a rupee for everytime i screwed up, i’d be a millionaire by now. i have been really happy since morning, rapturously, deliriously happy, but just now i realized a screw-up i did yesterday. the client mailed. though i’ve tried to put balm on it, i hope it doesnt’ turn into a big sore. :(

chalo, at least i am not jumping anymore like a silly little girl, the way i was just 10 mins back. :) my boss looked at me weird and asked me to “relax” (implied it that is). even that didn’t help, i went over some place else and started jumping excitedly. and then came back to my w/s and saw the mail. :( i hope my boss doesn’t find out. i don’t know why he has faith in me. though at times i feel he doesn’t, he just doesn’t have any other option. :(((((((

me and cy met yet another paedodontist today. i liked this one. hope every thing goes OK now. insha-allah! :)

i blame mr ford. a lot could’ve been helped only if he hadn’t started mass producing auto-mobiles. or rather, the government should’ve put a check on it. but considering that it was the american goverment, that can’t be expected. a huge contributor to global warming is so many pipes raised heavenwards puking out carbon monoxide and other gases.

anyways, what’s done that’s gone. today, what we can do is, stop using private vehicles. the government(s) should come up with a public transportation system (impossible here in India) so that people can easily communicate from anywhere to anywhere. it will be a bit difficult initially, but if people get used to smoking, this is nothing. apparently people in brazil, or maybe some other latin american country/city are using such a system that comments the outer and inner cities and people can travel comfortably without having to use privately owned vehicles. just think the amount of petrol it’ll save. i wonder if it can be done.

i’m feeling very tired today. wanna go home and lie down. i had a full of activity kinda dream. though i can’t remember it fully, i remember this part where i have a huge cyst kind of a thing towards the back side of my underarm. it starts like a small ping-pong ball. as in, i put my hand under the shirt and feel a round development under the skin. the next thing i know i am looking at it in the mirror and its a proper skin ball hanging out. i then rush to this hospital and the staff is really rued to me. i reach earlier than my appointment and have some kind of a loud argument with a hospital “boy” who’s lingering around the reception. the receptionist is there but she’s not paying attention. and then i notice that they are serving people yummy looking food from this low cup-board on wheels. it looked like some kinda fruit in some kinda syrup. pretty reddish orange and oval. i then go out and feel that my hair are pretty yucky so i plan to get them washed till the doctor arrives. something happens in the parlour too but i can’t remember. rather, i feel too tired to remember. *YAWWWWNNNNNNNN*

i had a big roti with an omlette rolled into it, oozing with mustard sauce for breakfast today. feeling with every bite that i will not have anything to eat all day. i was (not ravenously) hungry by 1. so i had a plate of pohe (poha?), and a small bowl of rajma and a pav, and downed it all with aam rassa (sugary, liquidy, mango pulp). and i am so, so, so sleepy. *YAWWWWNNNNNNNN*

first thing in the morning, i paid rent online and mailed my landlord a nice warm hello. i must be in a good mood. :)

kitna chillati hai koyal
kaan khaa jati hai koyal
subah-subah kee shanti
frrrr sey bhagaati hai koyal

i’ve always loved the sound of koyal. this is just a loving narazgi. :)