saw bheja fry this weekend. it is just that, bheja fry. save your brains and don’t go. sudden sparse funny moments, but at the end you feel like, “what…”. no substance, no story, … not much of anything. even milind soman’s tan has been wasted. the other guy has looked good though, the one who was a perv uncle in monsoon wedding. the “idiot” though has done a pretty good job. commendable. the IT inspector, mr merchant, looked very, very fake. or maybe it was intended that way, i dunno. if it was, then the intention wasn’t clear, which made it look bad.

i am looking forward to watching spiderman 3 this weekend, and pirates further into May.

had a very relaxing weekend. looking forward to the chhutti tomorrow.

was rude to a bunch of CRY representatives yesterday. what ticked me off was the way the female just imposed herself on me. she invited herself in, till about 2 steps into the door (the maid had opened the door) and just casually walked in saying she wants to “sit” and talk to me. i wanted to kick her butt at that moment. dunno what stopped me. i am too polite. and then she went on and on about street children and their plight, inspite of my telling her that i was busy and could she please get to the point .. which she just wasn’t making .. tho i knew what it was. and then she told me how the generous Mrs ABC (my next door neighbour) has “contributed”, and that she knew i am very generous hearted also (which pissed me off further big time). when she told me please won’t you make a contribution today, and i told her a flat no, she still went on and on about this and that. i stood up and stared, was what it took for her to get up, gather her paraphernilia and thank me anyways, calling me by a wrong name for the third time.

their trainer needs awakening and a new, completely different training. maybe we should contact CRY.

there was a time when i was very arrogant in saying that i don’t have any regrets. now, in the cool shade of the 30+ wisdom, i look back and realize that almost all of my life’s decisions have been nothing but. but i am … happy … still. or maybe just … tired … and not willing anymore. such is life.

i’ve always been melodramatic. like, everytime i hear this song by alanis morisette, ‘you oughta know’, my eyes moisten. i do feel a rage, though very tiny. for all my reasoning that he fell in love with someone else, its the most natural thing, it happens, it did, its OK, i do feel a … rage, though very, very tiny. maybe its just the song. what’s brings the flood out is the next number in the list, ‘thank you’. and i forget the rage. thank you!!!

have been really, really busy … still am. a quick note after a quick thought.

one of the most stupid things a single mom (or dad) can do is invite a guy (gal) home for sex with her (or his) child in the house. one should not later then cry injustice.

i had the most relaxing 3-day weekend. did nothing but just lazed around, watched TV, read a bit. and today morning i felt so nice and fresh and i even ironed my shirt by myself. i think we should have a 3-day weekend at leats once a month. am going up for b’fast now .. :) its 11:47.

6:10 pm

KFC Chicken has gone to the @#$%^ i tell you. i ordered a “new” original recipe burger. they’re even feeding you oximorons now. the line that goes through the center of the circle for the bun was 3, and it was bloody 1 for the miniscule piece of chicken they had stuffed inside. i had to step into the burger to look for the chicken. the realization that i should make noise came to me after i had almost finished it, so i didn’t. it looked nothing like the pic they had put up for that burger. they should feel ashamed serving it. iit was like a tiny flat meatball stuffed into 2 big buns and served. it looked pathetic even in the wrapping. tut! tut! the last time i had frequented KFC was in another lifetime with the then boyfriend and current ex-husband. i rememeber we really liked it then.

today my baby lovingly took my face in her small soft hands, looked into my eyes, and said, “you look like a cartoon character”.

i am home today. cy’s chicken pox is almost healing and she is itchy all over, so i thought i’d stay home and keep an eye on her to make sure that she doesn’t scratch the pox. my poor baby. she’s been crying to be let out everyday, and every day i tell her just 4 more days, and then she starts counting and soon enough forgets about it .. truly lost in numbers.

of late, i have really been concerned about the global warming issue. i try hard to make sure that my darling angel is comfortable and enjoying herself. but if she grows up into a truly uncomfortable world, then what’s the point. and what’s wrong with everyone. especially the big industries that are stuffing the maximum gases into the atmosphere. and also people. why use cars to go to the grocery store that is just around the block? walk. stop going to the gym. work around the house, if you wanna keep fit. i was thinking last evening (yes, it’s a rare, miraculous occurence) the government should never have let individuals own motor vehicles when they were invented. esp at that time, so much fumy stuff used to come out of the exhaust pipe, somebody should’ve thought about all that stuff going into the air and choking all life out of this planet. there should’ve only been public motorized transportation. all people use horses to get to the airport and catch a flight. wow!! the sound of it is so fresh..

in the mornings trying to get up to get ready and go to work seems like the silliest thing to do in the world.

nothing’s been happening. just that i have been waking up later than the previous day every day. i would start calling myself an insomniac, but i do sleep for a good 8 hrs every night. just that i am up and pretty active till 2-3 in the morning, irrespective of howmuchever tired i am at day-end the previous evening. maybe i am getting bored. i wouldn’t want to be. i don’t wanna move again. not for another 2 years at least .. if not 2 then 1 definitely. i need a good book to read. any suggestions anyone?

i like coming home by 4:30 everyday .. i would like a work-style like this one .. even 5 is alright.

i am going to stop my newspaper. i can read news online, i don’t need all that paper wasted on me. so many million trees are felled everyday just so people can linger over the printed text over tea and coffee. tut! tut! its so not worth it.

i just read the other day that himalayan glaciers are melting. and people are buying more and more cars everyday. maybe i would too if i could drive. maybe that’s why i can’t drive, some where deep down, my neuron system knows its not right. i have been depressed anyways of late, and then when i thought of cy not being able to enjoy nature the way i have enjoyed it, when she grows up, i felt such extreme … frustration .. and anger. and now i am just sad. about a lot of things. not only there’s so much sadness in the world, people are doing so many sad things that we are spoiling everything for everyone. we are such a stupid, sad lot.

i’ve had a most harrowing weekend. emotionally draining .. and now physically after last night’s calamity. i woke up with a sharp pain in my tummy around 1:30 am. first i just sat up and thought for sometime. and then i sat on the pot and thought for a long time, and then i felt pukish. and then i puked. so completely. at least the tummy ache went. i dozed off soon after. but i have been feeling really fatigued since morning. though my tummy was slightly hurting, b’cos of hunger maybe, my tummy got scared at the thought of food thinking that it might start hurting once it reaches in. but then i consoled my tummy and adviced that let’s have something really light and see how the day goes. and that’s what i did. i had a cup of tea with one buttered toast. at least my tummy feels better .. though i feel terribly weak all over.

cy is down with chicken pox. my poor baby. she’s been screaming to be let out of the house. since morning she’s been counting days trying to figure out how long a week is .. my darling. and then she insisted that its May so lets celebrate her birthday. i also took her to the dentist. and that’s another story. *sigh*

i need a husband. just to collapse on during/after such harrowing times.

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10:58 pm

i feel much better now. playing with cy always does that. her smiles can make the darkest of clouds float away .. though i love dark clouds .. and thunder. i remember this one time, when we literally drove into a storm. those were the darkest clouds i had ever seen in life, and there was lightning somewhere under the thick grey vapors. and then we entered “the zone” .. it was .. breathtaking. huge, big, round drops of water started drumming with such force on the car. i opened the windows. one moment i will never forget .. :)

another such moment i will never forget. it was the middle of the day and fast getting dark. dark, heavy, almost black clouds were covering the dome of the sky so fast, it was enchanting. i quickly went up on to the building terrace. i looked around, made sure no guard was around, and went up the metal stairs to the top-most point of the building. the view took my breath away. i just stood there, transfixed. the dark, dark, grey coulds were like rolling into each other, and this huge tunnel like dark, greyish-black formation was as if coming right towards me. i was high up on the tall building (6-7 floors above?), the cool, cool, moist wind blowing whistles in my ears. i wanted to freeze frame then and there and if i had a spare life, i definitely would have lived it in those few moments.