i saw dhoom 2. hrithik roshan looks awesome. :) as of now he is officially the sexiest, most good looking guy at least in this part of the galaxy. they should make him the next james bond or something. he has looked ravishing. all other “actors” in the movie have looked so .. sun-dried in front of him. the tan look so doesn’t suit ash. bipasha looked nice, but her character vanishes in the middle of the movie for no reason, without any explanation. the movie, as far its making goes is, sad. bad editing. the amount of slow-mos in the beginning for each and every one in the movie make it look like a cheap b-grade flick. dhoom 2 is not a movie, its a walking-talking portfolio of hrithik roshan doing a very, very good job of telling the world how good he looks. he glows. from within. his eyes. wow!! i don’t have words …

i and cy went to an italian joint for food after the movie. that was great too .. very, very filling and great. though i really wanted to have pasta, we ended up ordering pizza. cy insisted, no pasta, just pizza. :) but it was good. i ordered some potato croquettes on the side for myself. and we both shared first an orange juice and then a yummy chocolate and strawberry gelato. it was a good day overall. :) ah! its so nice to be in love, full of love … :)

this thought struck me some days/weeks back when i was travelling in the auto-rikshaw one morning, shortening the distance to office. for some time now, i have started nurturing this belief that there is no after life after all. that this is it. this life that we get. and its truly the end, once we die. and maybe einstein (or someone else maybe) had stumbled upon a truly great fact of life when he came out with time warps theory. that its not life, but time that bends and loops. so all these past-life dreams and apparent premonitions are plays of time bending that sometimes matches some weird frequencies of some individuals who catch it, and view it, and feel that they have been to or will go to whatever place they saw, or envisioned.

but there’s also a huge part of my psyche that totally believes in the existence of spirits and some kind of weird energy forms hovering over and around our environment. like this totally spooky incident that occured some time back. me, M, and cy went down for a walk around 12:30 one night in the building compound. there’s this white and brown cat that’s not an uncommom sight for us that keeps prawling the grounds. but this night this otherwise seemingly harmless cat started following us around. and it was weird the way it followed us .. like a clever human would. lurking behind walls, shooting towards a pillar, quickly hiding behind a car. and then suddenly it shot towards our legs. we shrieked unanimously .. like any girl would. and the cat started doing this every 2 minutes. it followed us everywhere we went, and suddenly it’d come out of its hiding place and shoot towards our legs with such speed, it wasn’t funny. we eventually got freaked out enough and returned home. and when we told it to Sul, she freaked out even more than us, muttering that its shanivar (saturday). shani is a very feared lord in hindu-ism, and shanivar, or saturday, is the day of shani. she then told us that if a cat attacks you on a shanivar and manages to run between your legs, then that is it for you. you are doomed. i and M were really scared. that cat actually was trying to go between our legs. apparently that cat was possessed …

it feels weird today, not bad or good or anything, just weird. also not that i am getting affected in any way, physically or mentally. but it just feels weird. that feeling that things, all things have changed, and it will never be the same again. weirdly enough, just some days back, I and M were walking back from some place late night, and we looked up and saw orion. i was filled with nostalgia and fond memories, and i had told M that my life has seen a lot of ups and down under orion. since my early young days, i have looked up at orion (it starts showing around november and stays in the sky for the winters) and sought and got comfort in good and bad times. which i figured happen a lot around nov/dec in my life. and she asked me so what changed last year when orion showed up, and i said nothing, and then she asked what do you see changing this year now that orion is back again, and again i said, nothing.

and then came this morning. everything is different. everything looks, feels different. M quit (she had put it her papers logn back, so it wasn’t sudden). day before yesterday was her last day in office. today, she is leaving our home too and going back to mumbai, after spending some real good time with me and Cy. and somehow that feels a bit sudden. just like an eternity back we had moved from NN to SV, so suddenly. though it makes me smile to think that all, yes all, of those moments have been good, beautiful, happy, sweet. i don’t know if i’ll miss her or not, but right now, i can feel it so surely, things have changed and everything will ‘feel’ different once i go back home in the evening.

this ‘different’ feeling hit home all the more strongly when i switched my machine on this morning. i am on a new project now (another change), and for that they changed the operating system and also the s/w on my machine. i feel like i am in the sets of matrix. :) .. but its nice .. pretty “cool” ..

new project, and hence the team is different, new conflicts, new squabbles, maybe a new place.

orion, i have always loved looking up at it. i feel a connection. like its looking at me, just like i am looking at it.

thot of the day:
i have so completely wasted the past decade of my life.

its a weirdly de-hydrating day today. my facial skin seems parched. i should’ve washed it just now when i’d gone home for lunch. dunno why i din. my hands too feel dusty. i hate dusty. i like well moisturized feels, i like fruity colors, tastes and textures. i love dishes made of all sorts of sweet, juicy fruits. i like tangy fruits to be made sweet also. i don just have a sweet tooth you see, my entire jaw is sugar oriented. i also love oriental food. .. and pasta. there’s this plaec near K Park, Le Pizzeria (Little Italy’s), and they serve absolutely yum pastas. they’ve done their homework .. very well .. and it shows. though its an all veggie joint, the menu is awesome. so much to choose from. and i have never tasted the sun-dried tomatoes taste to damn purely tomatoish, they way they do in the pasta they serve. *sigh* i wan pasta ….

seems like an eternity has passed. it was the evening of my engagement. in punjab, (and also i think some other parts of India) the engagement ceremony where you exchange rings and stuff is not there. we have something called a ‘Rokka’. the work ‘Rokka’ comes from the word ‘Rok’, which means ‘to stop’. the boy’s family basically comes and ’stops’ the bride-to-be. in modern times though, rings are also exchanged between the boy and girl. but not as part of the ‘Rokka’, where a boy is not supposed to be present. its just the boys mom and other female relatives (guys too come waisey) come to visit the girl in her house. they bring along a dress, jewellery, and sweets etc. on my ‘Rokka’ evening, as per the tradition, i changed into the saree and wore the jewellery that Sm’s mom had got.

veer is known for his good voice, so after the pleasantries and the appropriate hugs and love were exchanged, everyone requested for a song from veer. i can’t describe it in words here even if all the million muses of the universe came and sat on my shoulders. he sang, “phoolon ka taron ka sabka kehna hai .. ek hazaron mein meri behna hai (the flowers and the stars all say .. my sister is a one in a thousand(million))”. not only was there pin-drop silence in a house full of wedding guests, the air itself seemed to have acquired a physical form and had started weighing heavily on our souls it seemed. by the end of it, we all had tears in our eyes … i had force down my sobs that were erupting violently in my throat … and i saw that everyone else had that expression too on their faces, in their eyes. here’s the song:

Phuulon kaa taaron kaa, sabakaa kahanaa hai
Ek hazaaron mein merii behnaa hai
Saarii, umar, hamein sung rehnaa hai

Dekho ham tum dono hein ek Daalii ke phuul
Mein na bhuulaa tuu kaise mujhako gayii bhuul
Aa mere paas aa, keh jo kehnaa hai, ek hazaaron …

Jab se merii aaNkhon se ho gayii tu duur
Tab se saare jiivan ke sapane hien chuur
AaNkhon mien niind naa, man mien chainaa hai, ek hazaaro.n …

Ye na jaanaa duniyaa ne tuu hai kyuuN udaas,
Terii pyaasii aaNkhon mien pyaar kii hai pyaas,
Aa mere paas aa, kah jo kahanaa hai, ek hazaaro.n ..

yesterday
today
tomorrow
day-after
..and beyond
such simple
categories of time
what’s the
need to rhyme
life doesn’t
niether does
this world
one moment
different
from another
one has life
another might
show death
no breath
so on we go
no reason
no rhyme
so much
of time ..

i have been having very clear dreams since the last two nights. but the dumb ass that i am, i forget to record them immediately, and then i just forget it completely.

i have a feeling that my dreams are trying to tell me something. i will start recording them again.

i see my mom a lot in my dreams. what could that mean? i miss her a lot? i miss a parent-figure in my life? i want to go back to being a kid?

Love Kills

you tried, then fried
barbecued legs
and limbs
and the shreds
of my heart
my succulent
tongue
lying grey
in your plate
along with my
liver, my lungs
my brain
and you
look unamused
burping
looking full
and bored
leaving the table
you walk out
your dog
ate my innards..

next

downloading / uploading
the pains of my heart
the confusions of my soul
to the light
to the darkness
it keeps shuffling
its dwindling
its shredding
the mere rags
are hanging
by your thoughts
getting stronger
my life
gone wronger

next

my gut feeling
deceived my gut
it gutted
my glory
made me
all floory
and now my guts
lie lost
in a gutter
you gutted
my guts
and then
vaccumed your floor

next

content, in my mind
clashes with
the content in my mind

i was thinking about living in the moment. that many people, inspite of the fact that they are married, would go ahead and have sex with someone they get attracted to, mainly because “they live in the moment”. for all those people, if they did have more than that one moment, even if they had infinite number of moments, they would have anyways gone ahead and broken their vows, if not in that one moment, then in any one of the many millions of moments made available to them. so the living in the moment argument gets nullified. they wanted to do it and they just went ahead and did it. not caring ..

some say that they have a beautiful life. they have a “home” they love, it completes them, the kids, the loving, caring, sweet husband/wife. they have everything, and they give everything to it, their time, money, love, thought, everything. so what’s the harm if they steal a coupla moments once in a very long while, for themselves and “do” what they want (or who they want .. hehe!!). i am ok with that line of thinking, as long as they are ok with their spouses taking out such private moments for themselves also. but then the two need to draw a line, or else it’ll be hilarious .. hahahahaha!!!!! … but i think that will be the truest, most beautiful friendship ever. the best companions. and that’s what a marriage should be. the marriage of two souls. not a bondage ..

“The Sikh Gurus nor “REALâ€? Sikhs would want their religion or Gurus associted with anything related to HInduism” is part of a recent comment left on my blog by a reader. i didn’t put the entire comment up here cos’ .. i jus didn’t wanna. :)

sikhism came out of hinduism. the Guru Granth Sahib, the holy book of the sikhs is full of references and prayers to hindu gods. “real” sikhs, as well as the sikh gurus, never believe(d) in “religion”. sikhism is a ‘panth’, a path, for any ‘khalsa’ or pure person who might wish to move forward in life on it.

here’s an excerpt from a ’shabad’, a kind of a hymn that the 10th sikh guru, Guru Gobind Singh sings before going into battle (guru Gobind was a poet):

“dehe siva var mohe eh shubh karman te kabhoon na daroon”
O Shiva, grant me this that I may not hesitate from performing good actions.

Guru Gobind is praying to lord Shiva [my personal favorite :)] here before going to war.

…from here i come to what i was originally planning to post about - a house husband, a home maker. i have been thinking for sometime that it’ll be nice to have a person around, a familial person, a “daddy”, to take care of the house, to be with and love and play with Cy .. and me. :) … at work, half the time i am missing Cy and the other half i keep thinking that she’s by herself. Sul is great and more like family, but … a daddy would be a different thing.

Lord Shiva is what i look for in a husband. good-looking, great body, simple (seedha-saadha) sweet tempered, passionate, a great dancer, honest, with some qualities of Christ, the pure love, compassion, sweet, shining, smiling face, glow of love in the eyes, great threshold for pain ..

being a good cook would help. not imposing his thoughts, ideas, “advice” on everything i do would/should get taken care by all the qualities i have mentioned above. always positive. never shouting or even raising voice. always loving, giving and smiling .. even if i am always cribbing, frowning and always asking for more .. :) hmmm… tho i don see why he should complain if i ask for more .. hehehe!!!

a recent remark by joan in the post ’saree (oct 20)’ inspired this ..

i float
on my own
in the sky
thought
i had a wish
but realized
no point
i don’t have wings
no direction
i just float
with the wind
go
where the clouds go
so how
can i dream
a different dream
i already
am in one
one with the sky
one with the clouds
my wish
this wish
your wish
all i can do
is smile
and wish
:)