This Girl's Life!!












{November 29, 2014}   decisions..

do you decide and live your life; or do you not decide and (just) live. are you a planner (when it comes to life), or do you take each day as it comes. i personally, am not a planner. thought i plan well, and in ahead, for trips and all, or parties, or any other event(s); but in life, i normally just live each day as it comes. if i have tried planning, kabhi, it has rarely worked out, and i had been left with no choice but to ‘embrace’, and embrace i did, and felt happier. so it has been ok overall, till now.



{November 17, 2014}   ‘i’m beautiful’, my favourite chant/mantra for meditation :)

i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, like the pristine water flowing down the streams, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, like the cool breeze dancing among the trees, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, like the fresh green leaves stretching the first stretch, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, like the first rays of the sun touching a radiant face

before someone else loves us, it is imperative that we love ourselves. a big part of loving ourselves is ensuring that we look good. and by looking good, i do not mean going crazy over clothes, or over make-up. by looking good i mean looking well taken care of; daily, loving, and thorough, cleanses take care of that. just like you have and love a child, you take care of her/him, groom her/him, do stuff to ensure that she/he is happy; the same goes for your body, your face. a daily scrub and massage will tell your face, your hands, your feet, your body, that you love them, and they in turn will love you back and shine and radiate happiness. if you don’t do that, and just give them the regular wash, not thinking about it, not doing a little something extra every now-and-then, they will feel neglected and hence look that way too. spend some time on yourself, look into the mirror, appreciatively, and smile; be glad about that face…love it, and it will love you back, and thus you will create a love tornado, all around you, sucking in more and more love from all around… :)

and always, always try and use natural stuff that you can find around your neighbourhood and/or kitchen. for example, why wash your face with a neem product that has gazillion chemicals and hardly any neem when you can actually go out and simply get neem leaves and bark. you’ll find multiple ways to make a face wash, or scrub or anything on the internet. same gors with moisturisers, they are very easy to make at home; pinterest zindabad, for DIY recipes.

~as originally published on Here to Help.



{November 13, 2014}  

paison ka haath pakad ke, kahin aur nikal liye
jungle mein ek kutiya sooni baithee rahi intezaar mein

…to the dreams that i forgot, when i got my 1st job…i just wanted to make money then…



{November 06, 2014}   …tumi ekla chaalo, ekla chaalo, ekla chaalo re…

the universe, this nature, life is not (always) about choice, it is (mostly) about flow. let it…

As originally posted on Here to Help.



{November 05, 2014}  

my favourite drink is coconut water, or maybe nimbu pain. it’s definitely nimbu pain when it’s hot and i am thirsty; but at such times, my parched throat welcomes coconut water just as heartily. i also just love sugarcane juice. oh…oh…and a GREAT GREAT GREAT fan of Neera; something like coconut water (comes from a similar tall tree; is much lighter, whiter, and sugar sweet) absolutely yum. it’s something i found only in pune. after sundown it ferments and becomes alcoholic. earlier in the day i was thinking that it’d be nice to live in a world where one could just phone and order sex like one does a pizza. it’d be cheaper than the stupid pizza :P

in an ideal world (my version of it) people would still live in small communities, like the jungle tribes, and those who don’t want to would be free (in every way–morally, emotionally, socially etc) to roam around, live wherever, however. like right now, i just wanna live with my parents, however irritating, annoying they may be. i know they need someone, that that someone would rather be me, before that someone starts wondering why in the name of heaven are they putting up with this shit. most women (in india) can’t do that, cos they live with their husband’s family, a life of submission and quiet servitude. and if their parents do not have a son, they end up living alone. or even for the guy, it’s a pain, trying to constantly bridge the gap between the mom and wife, as in common in most households. one never gets to truly live one’s life.

living in a small community is quite agreeable then. everyone taking care of everyone. all old people, all kids, everyone’s responsibility.



{October 13, 2014}  

everything comes back in a circle; ghumman-gheri; whirlpool. everyone’s circling. round and round. around something. around nothing. and we can’t stop; kinetic force in play. pure physics. we keep getting pushed and keep moving, we keep moving and keep getting pushed. it never stops. it will never stop. we can sit back and enjoy the ride though. is all we can do. go woo hooooo!!!

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some of my favourite foods:

jeera rice – black chana
poori chholey/aloo
chholey bhaturey (crazy about it)
this veg special you get at the Zen restaurant (can nought place, new delhi)
gobi parantha loaded with makkhan
sarson ka saag and makki roti
makki roti infused with methi leaves with (milk) cream



{October 11, 2014}   You call this development? It’s not…

The ‘development’ that we see all around us today; the “modern” science and technology, the cities with their shine, the automobiles and flying planes, and all of this hustle-bustle. What has all this development got us? What? Has it been of any use to us at all, us as human race? It has just taken us further apart from each other, so so far away from our own selves. It has taken us away from simplicity, from humility, from everything that is good for us, nature, our own nature, our mother Earth. “God” gave us humans brains, or if you don’t wish to use the term God, let’s say that we got this opportunity, a great opportunity, a huge potential for development; spiritual development. And what did we do? We listened to nothing but our greed and got ourselves a lot of material development. Destroying ourselves, this planet, nature, everything. What have we done!?! We’ve come so far ahead, down the wrong path. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On a different note, while grocery shopping, fill your cart with packaged goods and you’ll pay in thousands, the stuff will last for a few days, adding nothing of value to your health and well-being. On the other hand, fill your cart with fruits and vegetables and greens, these good things will last for more than a week, will do loads of good for your health and overall well-being, and will cost you only in hundreds. Good for your pocket, good for your health. Then, why…?? For…”taste”…your tongue? Seriously…? …and you call that development…huh…

~As originally posted on Here to Help.



{October 07, 2014}   JLT :)

today i will talk about rangeela, the movie, but not the movie, its songs. every time i listen to rangeela songs, it takes me someplace else. someplace very beautiful, green, cool, and moist. some place in the mountains, in a time when i was still…young(er), and deliriously happy, drunk on youth, and youthfulness. i was happily employed at NIIT. at NIIT we were all a bunch of spirited young people, floating on clouds, hurtling ourselves to (artistic) greatness at full speed, full-steam. most of us were passion-driven, spending most time at office, happily, NIIT extricating every last bit of juice that it could from us. but we didn’t mind, we were happy to produce, to create, to think, think new worlds and wonders. we were ready to, and did, take on anything.

in that vigour and joy, mind open to ever-opening new vistas, i once answered a telephone call. someone had called from another department, asking about some paper; i cannot recall at all what it was. all i remember was that the person on the line said that it needs to happen (whatever it was that was supposed to happen) before a particular date, as on that date (or maybe the next day) they are going out. i asked where? and i was told that the entire team was going to nainital. and i asked, just like that (JLT :) ), can i come? and that person said yes, as long as i paid my due. thankfully, they had a spare seat on the mini-bus.

and there i was, on the designated morning, with my little bag, ready to head out to nainital with this “team” of strangers. it turned to be one of the best, most well-enjoyed, and memorable trips of my life. that trip to nainital with 18 strangers. or maybe i was the 18th, i can’t recall now. :)

well, someone had brought along this “cassette” of the songs of a new movie that had just come out; rangeela. the weather was awesome, what they call ‘sexy’ in the delhi lingo. cloudy, cool, a bit moist, the amazing, beautiful mountain roads, and the songs of rangeela. that’s how we spent the next few days, roaming around in nanital, and then one day visiting all the other ‘taals’ around. and now every time i hear rangeela songs (esp tanha tanha yahan pe jeena) i close my eyes and i can still feel the cool cool mountain air rushing through my hair. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qauqHmVqG0

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i remember my first crush. i don’t remember “him”, not the name, or even the face, but i remember the crush, the feeling, if you could call it that. :) i must’ve been in grade 2, maybe 1. i often used to “fantasise” we standing in a line, in school, and him fainting and falling in my lap, and i nursing him. :)



{September 30, 2014}   On bringing up kids…

Nope, I am not an expert, just a regular Joe-ann who thinks she is a know-it-all after having just one. :D

1. Try and not treat them as kids; treat them as people, with an understanding that they have a limited (than your maybe) brain capacity and other faculties.

2. As a rule, ALWAYS smile when looking at them, esp when they are babies. :)

3. If you disagree with your partner/spouse, do not disagree/fight in front of the kids. Try and remain calm till such time that you are away from the kids (this might help with the situation overall) and then work towards resolving the issue.

4. Be honest, ALWAYS. Always give your kids open, honest, frank answers. Be it about God, relationships, other people, relatives, sex, anything; be positive, be honest. If you think they might not understand, start your sentence thus, “you might not understand…” More often than not, they will lose interest and just drift away.

5. Violence/anger is never the answer; but it helps to show that you mean business. Decide on how far you’d go without traumatising the child. Yes, they will definitely be traumatised if you shout. (I know, cos’ I did, and till date I haven’t been able to forgive myself.) Do make an angry face, a very angry face, and stand firm; they will bow down and tow the line. Once they know you mean business, they will not test your patience.

Try the ‘if you’re good to mama, mama’s good to you’ rule; if they are being naughty, do take away (or threaten to) what they love the most. But if you have already established a good rapport, it would rarely come to this.

6. As a rule, always say ‘yes’. :) And then when you say ‘no’, it’ll be heard. Little things hardly matter, do give in, it’s alright.

7. Curb your own habits to match what you preach to your kids. They don’t follow what they hear from your mouth; they follow what they see you doing. (less TV, more reading etc.)

8. Make it a point to take a holiday with the kids every now-and-then. It is a very important and effective bonding mechanism.

9. At least once a day, devote a time to the kids; be there 100%.

10. Follow a healthy regime, esp food-wise. DO NOT introduce junk foods before the age of 5-6 years. I see a lot of parents feeding Mc -stuff to babies; it is not right for the small child; do not do it. With kids, each meal they have should be packed with nutrition.

11. Breastfeed your child, if you can, at least for the first year. Nothing compares to mother’s milk; it is nutritious and helps build the tiny tot’s immune system.

12. As early as they can, make them do their own chores; like, fold their clothes, clean their room, gather their toys etc. DO NOT let them order/boss you around. Start sweetly, like when they are little and you’re folding the clothes, invite them to help you, and then give them a treat for helping. Yes, quite like a puppy. :)

13. Don’t push them to do things they don’t want to do. There is a big difference in a healthy persuasion and downright pushing/forcing.

14. Be ok with it, if they do not agree with your point of view. Rather, it is sign of maturity and an independent mind.

15. Talk to them as much as you can; good communication is half the battle won.

16. Always have an abundance of I LOVE YOUs. :)

~As originally posted on Here to Help.



{September 25, 2014}   just… :)

the entire day is nothing but a long, sometimes short, wait for cyra to come back. and it’s not just now; i was like this even when i was working a regular job. i used to spend all day looking forward to the time when i’d go back and hold her in my arms and love her, and then maybe go out for a walk, or out somewhere, or maybe look into her schoolwork. it’s like silly love all over again; i am stupidly obsessed with the object of my desire. :) she is the sole purpose of my life, source of all happiness and joy, source of light and life. sighhh… :)

each moment that spend holding her and loving her is the happiest moment of my life. <3

i have just finished reading ‘mamas ka hans’ by amritlal nagar (pronounced naagar). really nice read; thoroughly enjoyed it. it is a fictional life-story of the great poet tulsidas. a speculative tale written in a most gripping manner. i enjoy reading in hindi.

i have now started ‘Gora’, by rabindranath tagore. the translation is not that great, but the story, so far, is good, and it has kept me glued to the book. but i can so imagine/visualise the bengali characters, speaking bangla. it makes me wish i was living in kolkata, surrounded by good-looking, deep, intelligent dhoti-clad men. yum… :) i love guys in dhoti kurtas, cottons… :)



{September 22, 2014}   We, the humans, got it all wrong…

We got it all wrong. In our arrogance, of course we claimed ourselves to be the superior species; all other animals, insects and the like are inferior. That we have a right to kill and maim and torture them, the other species, in the name of food, or entertainment, or even for no reason at all. Imagine, crabs are boiled alive. Why? So they taste good. I can’t even imagine.

Some of those who believe in incarnations believe that human life is the last and the toughest to get to and is achieved only after “suffering” as other animals and birds and insects and various other species. All bull I say. We, the humans suffer the most, consciously, sub(un)consiously. Animals are the truly enlightened. They don’t “think”, they just naturally flow. Nature, the “uni”verse, God, has made it easy for them. They do, just what they need to. It’s us, the cursed race, who are given a “think-pot” and enough stupidity to last a life-time. :)

As originally posted on Here to Help.



{September 11, 2014}  

my life is an open book. and all its pages are empty.



{September 10, 2014}   i love coconut trees..

i love coconut trees. i can spend all day, all the time, forever, just looking at them, lying down, or sitting somewhere. that was the one thing i loved about where we lived in auroville (a little north of pondicherry); the mud road to our home was lined with coconut trees. so tall, their shiny leaves always coochie-cooing with the breeze. maybe i was a bird that lived in a coconut tree once, cos i love heights too. and they are so, so tall; the coconut trees.

and i love tender green coconuts, drinking their water, sometimes munching on the white “cream”. and i love dishes made with coconut milk or dry-cooked veggies with grated coconut. and i just love coconut oil that i sometimes use as a moisturiser. coconut, you are so good. :)



{August 28, 2014}   sighhh… :)

i am a coward. yes, a pathetic, sad nothing. i wouldn’t be in a lot of situations i have found myself in, over the years, if i hadn’t been a coward. i have always feared conflict, and men shouting. i remember, at a small workshop, in this new job i had joined, the session conductor started shouting at some people; i felt like crying. it could be because of my dad shouting at me when i was a kid; maybe that left an indelible mark.

and now, a lot of times i find myself in very uncomfortable situations just cos i do not like direct conflict situations. i am so averse to it, that i almost never sit across the table with anyone, in a restaurant, i always sit at their side, with them.

the five years at oracle also made me lazy. i have to admit that career-wise oracle has been a very bad stint. i learned nothing, didn’t work on anything major, did not get a raise for those five yrs (none of us did) thereby freezing my earnings at a low that should’ve been higher by now, and wasted away five precious years of my working life. most pro-active people who had joined our team left within the first 2 yrs, as soon as they got good opportunities. i wish i had been that foreseeing. i said no to an opportunity at a good place after my first annual review which was pretty good and came with (empty) promises of team expansion and getting more and better work. nothing happened down the line. team size actually reduced and work/projects became less and less.

a part of me is glad that it happened; cos like so many fellow writers and “creative” folk i know, i too had been thinking about and talking of getting out of the rat-race. be on my own, do something that satisfied me inside. but i never really did it, and i am not sure if i had done it, had it not been for the lay-offs. so i guess overall i am not too peeved, or peeved at all rather. a part of me stuck to the sucky role at oracle because i guess deep-down that is what i wanted; to not do anything, for a corporation i mean. getting back home by 4 and working on myself, my own art, and spending precious, invaluable time with my daughter; it has been worth it. :) and then experiencing auroville; it was amazing. and then the trips to amritsar, chilling in delhi. it seems like life took a slow karvat (turn, in sleep) and is still doing it, stretching, smiling, feeling the tension being released.

now if only i was a bit more fearless and able to extract myself out of a tricky situation… :)



{August 27, 2014}   ‘God’ potential…

a new word for ‘God’. Potential. we all have it, but just don’t (or not able to) tap into it…



{August 08, 2014}   like father

i am a lot like my father. i am, my father’s daughter. i did not know that as i was growing up. i realised it, gradually, as and how i started spending more and more time with him, in recent years. and now i want to live with him more; with both of them, my father, and my mother. i missed that growing up, for no fault of anyone’s. little things you get to see of a person, when you actually live with them, for than 15-20 days at a stretch. like this one time, when we were crowded around my mother as she was peeling apple slices, and we both, my father and i, reached for the apple peels, hungrily; and then we both looked at each other, with the shine of a new-found fondness in both of our eyes and we both smiled and munched on the apply peels. or the way, i realised, i snapped at my daughter at the slightest of provocation, exactly the way my father does. i caught that early on and keep it in check. i lose my temper less and less now; nothing like how i used to when i was younger. and then, how we both love kids, my father and i. how we are so patient with people we love, but lose it with someone we don’t really care about; that too has considerably improved in me of late, and i am trying to encourage father also to modify some of that behaviour. how we both can’t hold alcohol well, but would keep on, just cos we are so loving the company of our friends and will do anything to stretch that moment. how we both love to spend money and party, well, not so much now. how we both started out as poets and writers that showed potential, and just got lost, somewhere along the way.



{August 05, 2014}   the one

in all probability, the idea of finding ‘the one’, as in a life partner, started with the idea of “joining” with “the one”. the ultimate light and energy source (which is everywhere) and being one with it. and then a handful of them, who wanted more material things in life, extended it to having one in life that completes, or helps complete, one’s life purposes. taking it out from within, and placing it out, by the side.

on a different note, it’s lagan we need to achieve every(any)thing; but sadly we end up treating most tasks as lagaan.

i feel a lot better now. the knee swelling hasn’t healed, but i can move around now; walk even. sadly, the day i feel better, i go out for long walks, which makes it worse and i am a square one again. :) i looooove long walks. :) i hope and pray that i can start walking around better soon.

these yoga classes i have started (with the same person i was doing yoga with about 10 yrs ago) are helping some. i guess just the routine of going there and stretching all joints makes a lot of difference.



{July 23, 2014}   God is Love…within easy reach

What is God? God, is Love. You find love and you find God. Find love, not in someone else, but within yourself. God is not an entity, she/he/it is an energy, a feeling, an experience that is contained within each entity, as love. And the day you start FEELING LOVE for all and everyone, everything, you’d have found, felt, God. :) …and you’d have found the simplest, strongest bridge that connects all–a smile… :)

As originally posted on Here to Help.



{July 18, 2014}   :)

no, no my darlings. i am still around, though only physically. my mind is all scattered about. will be back, hopefully soon, as soon as i can gather some… :)



{June 17, 2014}  

bound to my destiny
i was never really free
but i braved the storms
enjoyed the breeze
a tiny leaf, stuck to the tree

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Had a really good trainer at my first job with NIIT, and like a lot of good things that NIIT lost around those times (me included) due to lack of appreciation of each individual employee (that’s where my aversion of HR started), he was gone too, before I could learn more from him. I/we learned a lot in the time that he was there.

The most valuable lesson/habit that I picked from him and still practice, is that treat everyone as your “esteemed” client. Even if you are not in client servicing, even if you are talking to your mom, or brother, or any random person; give them your complete attention and respect. Humility, respect, and “listen”; the best ways to keep not just clients but everyone (most people) happy. I wonder if any of my old colleagues at NIIT remember that dadi-wala HR/trainer guy. He was with us on that 2-3 days retreat in that resort-like place about 1-2 hrs outside of Delhi. What was his name? He was good, if I remember correctly.

That said, when you are calling someone who is not friend or family, please start with stating your name. Definitely not, “Who’s this?” If you wanna know who it is, say “Hi, I am xyz, may I know who I am talking with?” Afterall, it is you, who has called them.