What is God? God, is Love. You find love and you find God. Find love, not in someone else, but within yourself. God is not an entity, she/he/it is an energy, a feeling, an experience that is contained within each entity, as love. And the day you start FEELING LOVE for all and everyone, everything, you’d have found, felt, God. :) …and you’d have found the simplest, strongest bridge that connects all–a smile… :)
As originally posted on Here to Help.
no, no my darlings. i am still around, though only physically. my mind is all scattered about. will be back, hopefully soon, as soon as i can gather some… :)
bound to my destiny
i was never really free
but i braved the storms
enjoyed the breeze
a tiny leaf, stuck to the tree
Had a really good trainer at my first job with NIIT, and like a lot of good things that NIIT lost around those times (me included) due to lack of appreciation of each individual employee (that’s where my aversion of HR started), he was gone too, before I could learn more from him. I/we learned a lot in the time that he was there.
The most valuable lesson/habit that I picked from him and still practice, is that treat everyone as your “esteemed” client. Even if you are not in client servicing, even if you are talking to your mom, or brother, or any random person; give them your complete attention and respect. Humility, respect, and “listen”; the best ways to keep not just clients but everyone (most people) happy. I wonder if any of my old colleagues at NIIT remember that dadi-wala HR/trainer guy. He was with us on that 2-3 days retreat in that resort-like place about 1-2 hrs outside of Delhi. What was his name? He was good, if I remember correctly.
That said, when you are calling someone who is not friend or family, please start with stating your name. Definitely not, “Who’s this?” If you wanna know who it is, say “Hi, I am xyz, may I know who I am talking with?” Afterall, it is you, who has called them.
during cold nights when i am all alone, and far away from everything, even myself..
i really wish, sometimes, that life wouldn’t go on. that we could all live in our happiest phases, forever. that it’d just stop, time, not moments, but certain years, or months even, and that’s how they’d stay. mom and dad never get old. didi never gets married and goes away, or veer. suzie never dies. and i still play in the wet mud in that beautiful, shaded back yard, all afternoon. forever.
stupid, pointless existence. i never wanted any part of it anyways. ever.
into a dark moment
thick and viscous
for a brief moment
and then come out
the other end
Last evening I was watching a BBC documentary about a group called EDL; English Defence League. No, they are not a football team, like I had thought and downloaded it thinking about feasting my eyes on a bunch of good-looking English football players. They are a group protesting the effects, yes, the keyword here is effects, of the growing presence of Muslims in their country. And it was strange and sad to see that they are easily misunderstood, unfortunately mostly due to their own lack of working towards creating an intelligent and a more acceptable (by whose standards though) image. They have generated the image of being violent and racists, which after watching the documentary, becomes clear that most (or many) of them ar not. Like one of the members comments, even muslims are welcome to join the group if they wish. They are just protesting the seemingly ill-effects of a community that is spreading fast among them, and not just spreading but imposing their own set of values and rules. For example, they showed a video recording (and I have see this before) of a Muslim patrol shoving people off, asking them to not smoke, or walk around and about their neighborhood, esp around the mosque, the public road outside the mosque. And the woman in the video is saying this is great britain, and the muslim guy is saying not so great britain. As a British citizen, being told what I can and cannot do in my own country, of course I am going to “act-out” against it. Now I will try and NOT use the word “offended” throughout the post as many people now-a-days get offended by it. :)
This made me think about my own belief in having one law for all, in a country. For one, in a single country, it won’t make logical sense; for example, what if 10 different communities turn up and start insisting on a separate legal system for each. Now if we are accepting the laws of one, we should, and would, accept those of other nine too. It could result in mayhem; and a lot of confusion. Cos’ the life-in-a-day of a person belonging to one community, could be a human rights violation, or some other violation of a member of some other community. Think of it as your home community. You know, a nice block of a few houses who live happily and harmoniously. And then there is this other family, or group, that likes the way you are living and want to be a part of it, and they ask if they can join. Of course, you welcome them heartily and try your best to settle them down ensuring that they are comfortable. And then within days, or weeks, they start making changes, or asking you to make changes, in your own community, or block, the way you live and do things. Now since they are now part of the community, it is alright, and of course logical to accommodate accordingly and learn new ways, their ways of doing things too. But when you start to notice that they are not just as open, accepting, or even tolerant of your ways, but just want to impose their ways on your ways, then of course there is going to be a problem. Of course, aggression is not going to help. What will help, is firmness, and a belief in yourself, and the way you wish to be, and the clarity about who you truly are, and what the community (or society) that you were to start with is all about. Sadly, at lest in India that clarity is not there anymore. With people feeling ashamed or embarrassed to converse with each other in their regional or mother tongue (a lot of the younger lot doesn’t even their mother tongues; it’s unfortunate), of course we are not at all clear about our heritage, where we come from, our history, our strength, and yes weaknesses, correcting which makes us even stronger. We have lost our identities; or maybe they were never strong enough to start with. The reason why we got taken over by many in the past.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am all for diversity and embracing all. But when it comes to chalking out guidelines for “a” society, certain things need to be followed, firmly, for the sanity and health of that society and all therein. I am an open and accepting person; hell, I didn’t even mind when once during and India-Pakistan cricket match the people across the road (the muslim community that lives across from where I lived in Delhi at that time) were shouting Pakistan Zindabad and rooting for Pakistan’s team. It’s a silly game, one can root for whichever team one wants. But I will stop and react the moment I hear India hai-hai…That does not make me a Nationalist, or extremist; it just makes me a person who loves her country.
i miss talking. to someone, anyone. maybe not a one in particular, cos then one’ll have to suffer that one all the time(s). friends would be nice. :) hopefully, i’ll have some soon. :)
I made a “friend” last night. this cute li’l black cat. i heard her meowing a couple of days back but didn’t open the door cos i thought once in, it’ll be difficult getting her (or him) out. but last evening i couldn’t resist her meowing right at my door and i opened it. as curious as any cat she (or he) looked around all over the room and climbed all the tops and then came and settled on my lap. so cute. and she wouldn’t move. she (or he) just wanted to sit in my lap. eventually, when i laid down for the night, she (or he) made herself (or himself) comfortable settled right next to my thigh but within half n hr or so started meowing to be let out. and i did… :)
i had planned on moving to mumbai, before coming here. and just when i had comfortably settled with the idea, i got a call from this school (i had applied months back and not having heard anything had kinda forgotten about it). and now here i am. hmmm…going to mumbai would mean spending all that money on a good school. i am not such a great fan of schools anyways and wanted to homeschool her since always. spending rs 8-10 lacs per annum on a school is beyond ridiculous, for someone like me for whom this is a H-U-G-E amount.
I was thinking last night, about the possibility of why i haven’t met a “someone” in my life. (though that could be largely due to the fact that i do not believe that one needs a someone, that’s just an emotional dependency one seeks to fulfill; or maybe since i never met someone so i believe.) it’s because i am lost myself. :) the day i find myself, i would most definitely find the other piece of the puzzle too. just that, as of now, as always, i am just fine being lost, just floating around, not doing anything, not wanting to do anything, but just dream, and day-dream… :)
…wondering if i should just move to mumbai…there’re many good schools there too. of course, the “hilly” beautiful experience will go out of growing up for my darling Cy, but mumbai is fun too… :)
This post was triggered by a comment on a social media platform; something to the effect that they had complete faith in modern medicine. I think the discussion was about something to do with alternative medicines and other methods of healing. Well, as someone who depended on “modern” meds for years (yours truly), to keep at bay an autoimmune, deformative disease (Rheumatoid Arthritis), I would like to say that I got to witness the full-blown effects (negative) of prescribed “modern” medicine that, I now know, is nothing but harmful chemicals that though they provided immediate relief, cause long-term harm to the body. I knowingly started taking immuno-suppresents (as apparently, according to “modern” doctors, there is no other way around it), after I got a little adventurous and thought of trying out something different. I had been on homeopathic meds for years, and my RA was under control but I still wasn’t able to do activities like run etc.
Now many people think of homeopathy as something that renders a placebo effect. Keeping a dangerous and degenerative disease like rheumatoid arthritis at bay cannot be placebo. Although, hypothetically speaking, if a placebo effect can help manage dangerous and harmful disease without having to consume tons of chemicals that will alter something in my system, I am all for it; the placebo effect. After all, what is wrong if a belief, a faith can, and does, help and heals you? Though that is not what it is. Not just me, homeopathy helped my daughter with this skin infection she got and no modern meds could cure her of it. After living with it for close to a year, she started on the homeopathy pills, and she was cured within weeks. But that’s another story. And yes, a lot of times it doesn’t have such immediate effects. It is not an exact thing. One has to keep trying different combinations of various salts and such.
Anyways, I had recently moved to Mumbai and as a single parent I thought it’d be nice to give some “modern” meds a go and see if they make me more active. I started consulting a very sweet Dr at the Hinduja hospital. When I told her about the homeopathy pills, she seemed shocked and said that I should keep away from such quacks. I tried to tell her that these pills had kept my RA at bay for years, but she just wouldn’t listen. Most doctors of “modern” medicine, I see, are way too closed and not at all open to newer, alternative ways of healing and health. Sad! Not too modern…
The high dosage of iron turned my shit black, and the other pills used to ruin most weekends. One of the meds causes nausea so the doctors advise that one takes it on weekends. It was that, that eventually made me give it all up. Initially, of course, it made me feel good; chemicals have that effect on you, which made me stick to it for a while. But within a couple of years, my stamina went down (I am a serious walker), my tummy became sensitive, alcohol made me sick (I went off it, completely, one good result of the meds), and eventually, I started spending Sundays getting nausaes like hell. My Dr warned me that if I get off these medicines now, I’d be wheelchair-bound within 1-2 years. Like Diabetics, I’d have to depend on these meds, for life. I started reading up on RA and other alternative health stuff, esp on the medicines that I was taking. The current prescribed meds for RA, anywhere in the world, are immuno-suppresents. They suppress one’s immune system; the system that helps you keep all disease and ailment and bay. RA is a disease wherein the white blood cells go a bit crazy and start attacking the own body’s tissue, causing internal tissue damage, resulting is some major swellings in joints and eventual deformation. Ah yes, and pain, it is V-E-R-Y painful. At times it feels like every damn pore on your body is screaming with pain. So what do you do? Well, kill the immune system. I think whoever thought of that was not a genius.
My body got so, so wary of these pills that I (clearly) remember once buying them in bulk, and when I held them in my hand, I got nauseous (could that be placebo? Hmmm..). By that time, I had read enough, and my body was yelling to make a new start anyways. I had earlier felt a lot of relief taking Yoga classes with this amazing teacher in Mumbai, Jehangir (have to remember to look him up if I am ever in Mumbai again to live) and taking certain food items he had advised (there were 3-4 things, I only remember black raisins). I stopped taking my meds, gradually. I self-medicated, trying out hajaar different things, foods, soups, veggies (moong daal soup turned out to be mannah), started working out regularly, which was of great help, and eventually completely stopped the meds. It took less than a year or so. And I did not start homeopathy again, as it did not want any dependency, but good food and home, natural, remedies. I also breathwork that gave me amazing results and Reiki, which needs a lot of time and effort. :)
Yes, yes, that is what this all is leading too. Good food. Greens, veggies, fruits, smoothies, salads, soups, whole-grain shit. Sticking to natural things, and good exercise regime. All of it helps. Good ol’ home remedies. Today, whatever aches and pains I still have, I know that they’re there entirely due to my laziness and (current) lack of discipline. When I am up and about, it’s all good. And of course, I’d have to stick to this “regime” for life too, but this one I don’t mind.
Another example, different than mine, my daughter never saw the doctor for the regular cold and flu the year I started her on an orange first thing in the morning during the winter months. Thankfully, she likes oranges so she took to it without much fuss. Of course she’s bored of it now and doesn’t listen to me the way I wish she would, so we are not disciplined about that anymore. But still we cure colds and coughs the old, simple way. Honey and ginger juice for cough, for example; I notice most people don’t take it like they should. Like medicine, it needs to be taken every 3-4 hrs for 1-2 days. I normally keep the mix in a small glass bottle. I have never taken a pill for it.
I once had a bad swelling way back in the jaw, wisdom-tooth-gum area. Hurt like crazy; the Dr prescribed anti-biotics and pain-killers. I thought I’d give my mom’s remedy a try before getting anti-biotics the next day. Mixed 1:1:1 of mustard oil, turmeric powder, and salt, and put it generously on the swelling; spat out whatever oozed out of my mouth and went to sleep. By the morning, the swelling had reduced and so had the pain. It was all completely gone by the 3rd morning of the nightly application.
I have had bad acne problem since forever as I have some pretty oily parts on my face. My sis-in-law had once advised on the goodness of orange peels for the skin (Orange is a God’s gift to our body, besides coconut oil). And that’s what I tried; 1:1 of besan and orange peel powder (home-made), mixed with some curd, rubbed on the face twice a day, and lo-and-behold, all breakouts gone; the problematic chin area was clear after years. Of course I still get a big one (or a couple small ones) once a month, but that’s another cyclic thing. It’s been a long, long time, and I haven’t used any kind of a facewash, or cream. I wash my face with this mixture and moisturize with aloe-vera gel (real gel, not store-bought).
Nature is abundant with things that cure and help heal and stay heal-thy. Besides, truly “modern” medicine is one that is open to anything that helps, that truly can help, and employs a more wholesome, holistic approach to health and upkeep. Keep smiling. :)
As originally posted on Here to Help.
i am very uncomfortable right now. physically uncomfortable. i am cold and uncomfortable. i had known, before coming here, that the climate here is cooler than the plains; i had not imagined it to be this cold, and at this time of the year. i had never thought i’d say this, but here i am saying it, i am missing dilli, i am missing dilli kee garmi. the universe has this way of making me eat my words. cos not a few years back i had in the same tone declared, i could never like dilli; i just can’t imagine going back to dilli and living there. the very thought horrified me. and now i am missing it; well, not dilli actually, i am missing home, my mommy’s home, where i was so comfortable and happy just a few weeks back. and now here i am, cold, alone, and missing dilli. i had said the same thing about mumbai too, decades ago, after visiting it for a day, maybe two. i hadn’t liked the city at all and could never imagine going there to live. and live i did, in mumbai, and it is now one of my fav places in the world. as a matter of fact, i was planning on moving there recently. and then i had thought that there’s no way i could move to and live in any city in south india. and lo and behold i got that job in hyderabad, with Oracle, which eventually screwed up any semblance of a career i might have had in life, and i had an amazing five years there, in a south indian city. :)
anyways, i am here because of an employment. an employment which is providing for a muchhhhh subsidized education of my darling daughter, in one of the best schools in asia. and i only hope to God that i get used to this cold; which people here call “pleasant” strolling about in tees and cotton shirts, while i am brrrrrrring in a thick sweat shirt. anyone who knows anything about me knows that i am not at all a cold-climate person. i don’t like cold, i can’t take cold. and here i am, so cold. i hope and pray that my aching joints become stronger (my arthritis is acting up and my knee has been swelling up), and my weakling of a body is tired of shivering soon and learns to relax and enjoy the cold slaps of the strong evening breeze. it’s beautiful here, but a beauty hard to notice when the fingers are painfully frozen and the joints are hurting. hopefully, some day when cy is well settled and happy here and might not miss me much, i will encounter angels in the tall jungle pines who will take me up, up high into the skies, into even colder winds, where i will freeze solid and then break into a gazillion tiny pieces, falling on the earth as snow flakes rendering it beautiful and cold.
M had posted on FB about how it is nice and comfortable in the comfort zone. today, i soooo agree. i am missing mine; terribly. so much that i wanna just quietly get up run away, back to where i was so comfortable. sighhhh…
…and just for the record, i really wouldn’t mind enrique saying that to me…ever…
…you know my motivation… :)
Are you happy, with your sex life, in your marriage? I have been married for a tiny amount of time, miniscule, so I am not a good judge, or even an advocate here. What I have, is purely a set of (my personal) opinions and theories and beliefs. For one, yes, this was my one big fear, when I was married, yes, for the tiny amount of time, whether I’d be able to stick to one. I mean a lifetime is a long, long time. Fate intervened, fortunately or un-, and I never had to strangle the life out of my more base desires. Since then I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of couples; more not-happy with the entire sex-with-only-one-person deal than happy. Some openly, some secretly, some swearing by the deal and their vows but having a little extra here-and-there anyways; and not just men, as is the popular belief.
So is it then just our upbringing that stops us? Our values, traditions, the things that we grew up with, that our parents and aunties and uncles and grandparents taught us; wall-in your desires. And we do our best to keep up the defenses, mending a crack here, a hole there. But desires, it seems, like anything that is natural, burst forth, and like a tiny tendril that shoots out of a concrete slab when endowed by nature with life, it becomes nearly impossible to suppress when the cobra of lust raises its hood.
Since forever everyone (almost) has been saying that marriage is not all about sex. And of course that’s true. It is much, much more and goes way beyond that which is just one aspect of it. A big aspect, in a lot of cases, but yet an(other) aspect, among many others. Then why does everything comes tumbling apart at the smallest hint of sexual indiscretion? No, it’s not about “honesty”, or “trust” like a lot of ‘em claim, cos’ I have witnessed a hajaar other lies, all forgiven—I mean hell is raised, but it never breaks the marriage—but even a tiniest hint of an extra-marital “affair”, and people are ready to opt out. Why? That sounds like double-standards, hypocrisy even.
I am certainly not advocating casual sexual relationships with every other person you meet, every other Saturday night out; please don’t get me wrong. If that is happening then there is a possibility that something might not be right at a very fundamental level with the relationship. Though I do know of such couples too who are in “open” relationships and seem happy; content with their lives, their respective relationships and marriages.
I am talking about being open, to the possibility, and not getting all crushed and broken if/when it does happen. To take it as a natural something that happens with people. To accept it, even though you might not understand it. To go on loving, cos’ yes, after all, you beautiful marriage, or relationship, is much, much more than mere coitus. It is a companionship, a coming together of two souls, two lives that add value to each other at so many levels, besides providing physical pleasure.
Then could it be the secret to a good marriage, a loving, lasting, healthy relationship?
i am very fickle minded. always have been. like a pendulum, i sway. :) swing, swing, swing… :D
A lot of times, more often than we realize, we end of nurturing negative thoughts. Thoughts of anger, depression, dismay, self-pity… Thoughts like:
- How dare she/he do this to me
- I have no one to talk to … ahhhh
- I am such a loser
- Why did I not do it at that time .. how regretful
- They are always mean to me … despair
- There’s no way for me to get out of it…all is lost…helpless, worthless
If not nipped in the bud, these, such, thoughts balloon. They mushroom up, at tremendous speeds, gaining momentum and mass, and completely clouding your brain, your mind, your entire being. You get completely clouded by this menacing darkness and then all you can think, and feel, is the intense, associated feeling–anger, hatred, self-pity, regret, despair, depression, envy even–it clenches your heart, and overpowers your brain.
Nip it in the bud.
You will have to put in effort. Make a conscious effort; try and control your mind, your thoughts, forcefully. Cos’ they are strong, these neagtive thoughts, like a true enemy, they will fight back with all their strength. They are very strong. So, be careful.
First up, as always, sit up straight and breath in. A nice, deep, refreshing breath in, filling up your lungs with the blue freshness of the seas and the mountains. Ideally, if done correctly, just this should bring a (relaxed) smile to your face. :) Smile on…half the battle won.
Smiles are great weapons to kill all sorts of negative thoughts. :)
Think of the present. Where you are right now.
For hopelessness and despair:
Analyze how truly hopeless and despairing your current situation is? Know, tell yourself, that you have no control over what’s happened. Let it go. Let it all go. Pack it up nice and neat into a bundle, close your eyes, and in your mind’s eyes see yourself putting that big bundle of your troubles into a river and watch it float away. If you find this exercise funny, think of it as a visualization exercise for your brain; you have nothing to lose anyways; except that huge “baggage”. :)
Try and think ahead, not thinking or looking into the past. Make plans. If nothing comes to mind, think of what makes you happy. If it’s something reasonable, do it. Take a vacation. Or go to a nice, peaceful (the one that makes you happy) place in your city or town. Go someplace nice and then refresh your mind. A lot of times, we keep sticking to old patterns–behavior, people, places–just cos we are too lazy to just get up and go, and do something different. So just, get up and go. Something as simple as a change of scenary might help. And when you feel a bit refreshed, then think of what is it that you truly want; or what will make you feel better about yourself, about your life. Is there a way to achieve it? If there isn’t, then maybe you need to stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. Move on, to new thoughts, new people, new environments, new job. Move on…
Just the other day I was reading this article about someone who’d committed suicide. And I had this completely frivolous thought; why didn’t he just move to a nice place like Goa or some such. I know, the thought might seem “childish”, but maybe it’s better than ending your life. I mean, you are leaving everything, your family, your life, your friends, everything behind anyways. If not Goa, then go to the mountains and meditate. If you are not able to do any good for yourself, or others in your life, give this life up and do something for this world, this humanity. It’ll be better than killing yourself. Go live in a gurudwara and do sewa everyday.
What, or who, are you angry at? At a person, at a situation, at yourself? Why are you angry. A lot of times, anger erupts from within due to ones own makeup inside. If there is discord, anger, something festering within already, it will erupt as anger at various people, in various circumstances. So look within and see what is the real cause of this anger. Esp when one is angry at a child, most times it is because one is already despaired at and embittered by one’s own life or circumstances and it comes out as anger at the poor child. It’s important to reach the real root of that anger and then erode it from there, from the root. A lot of times it could also be genetical; in the sense one grew up around people who were always needlessly angry, and it becomes part of one’s nature too, without one realizing it. A lot of such behavioral “genes” are passed on like that; by just being around and rubbing it in, slowly and gradually over the years.
There are a lot of exercises you can practice to erode anger from the root. Breathing exercises help a lot. Google and try those. Stay around happy people. :)
For feelings of self-pity:
Look at me. I haven’t really achieved anything in life. Today, my biggest desire is to move back into my parent’s place and live happily ever after with my mommy (and daddy). :) Yet, most times, I am reasonably happy, and content. What I am trying to say is, that it does not take a lot to be, just happy. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t take anything at all. Happiness that comes with a lot money, property, big job (more money) is mostly temporary, skin-deep so-to-say. Though I really wouldn’t mind if I do get a lot of money; but it’ll just make my life, very easy. Happiness is there already, within. And a lot of it comes from self-worth. Appreciating oneself. I appreciate myself. You need to too, appreciate yourself.
What is it that you don’t like about yourself? The way you look? That’s the easiest. One can always change the way one looks. Just don’t over-do it. Your job? If you are not happy, give it up. If you can’t, then keep at it and in the meantime look for other jobs, or take up a part-time course and update/enhance your skill-set and then look for a different job. Save for a year or so, and then take a break, or a vacation. There are many things you can do; as long as you feel positive and hopeful. Just feel good about yourself, just as you are. Spread smiles, and they will come back to you ten-fold.
For feelings of regret:
This is the easiest. When you were in that moment, you did not take that decision, or took that decision. That is it. It made sense then, let it make sense now, and stick to it. Appreciate the decisions you make. A lot of times it helps to think that you did what you did because that was how it was meant to happen. And whatever’s meant to happen, it happens with the best of your life in mind. And like I mentioned earlier, what’s gone, that’s gone. Let it go. Look forward now. Look at what’s good now. What good can you generate now.
Breath and smile. Hope and happiness bring along a lot of great opportunities. :)
~As originally posted on Here to Help!!
I get really sleepy by 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon; but I don’t like to sleep as then I can’t fall asleep at night. I don’t take tea/coffee after 6 in the evening; if I do, then too I am not able to fall asleep at night, irrespective of how tired I am. It’s a pain then; my body is sleepy but I can’t sleep so I get a headache sometimes. In my previous place of work I used to shut my eyes after lunch sometimes. I find 10-15 or 20-25 mins of sleep very refreshing. And in the afternoons it’s mostly very deep. I am at my most awake at about 11-11:30 in the night.
I definitely need to sleep if I’ve had a Masala Dosa for lunch. In my first job, with NIIT, our office building was in this really nice area called Aurobindo Place (on Aurobindo Marg) in Delhi. Green Park was right next door, and the Green Park market at a walkable distance. We used to frequent this place then (late 90′s) called ‘The Madras Cafe’, in the Green Park market, for lunch; awesome Masala Dosas they made. And then after having their Masala Dosa, I used to come back to office and doze off. We didn’t have much (any, rather) work then.
Ours was a new group, targeted at a certain kind of work, and we kept waiting for it, but it never really came, except for maybe a couple of projects. We were eventually disbanded and made part of other teams. I was still a young, enterprising woman then, and had started printing books (I was clueless about saving Mother Earth back then), stapling the pages and trying to create a sort of a library for the team. It was fun.
I remember I kept trying to get everyone to go to the Deer Park for a picnic, but it never came about. Deer Park too was at a walking distance. It’s a beautiful, very green and peaceful locality. Was a time when I had wanted to move there, close to the Deer Park. I went there recently with M, and I clicked some pictures of the Deer running around, or just sitting in groups. It was a nice day.
I will try and advise, as per the best that I know and have experienced, on how one can deal with a broken heart. First up, most probably crying is what is coming out of you; do it. Go ahead and cry, cry a lot. Let it all out; it’s cleansing. But once you empty yourself out, then that is it. Tell yourself, looking into a mirror if you would, that you will try and not cry anymore. Tell yourself, that feeling hurt and thus crying is a natural outcome of something that you have gone through.
Start with taking deep, rejuvenating breaths. Straighten your spine (also symbolically lifting your spirits), and breath in, slowly filling your lungs imagining fresh, lightness filling your being. Hold for just a moment, and then let go. Deeply, through the nose, not pushing, but just letting go.
1. Tell yourself that a broken heart, obviously, is a psychological state, cos’ of course the heart does not break; it is flesh and blood and still beating, the reason that you are alive and well enough to be reading this. A lot of times we start flowing with the river of tears and disappointing, saddening thoughts, and end up going too far. Telling yourself simple, logical facts like these could help in staying close to the edge, to solidity and strength.
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.
2. Get out of that moment. Try and look at the bigger picture; your larger life. A few years, or months that you were with that person could not possibly compare with your whole life. Think of what you were doing before you met that person; think of all the happy moments. Your family, your friends…. And then think of all the things you will, you can, do now, after that person. Start planning, and looking forward to life, a new life.
Think about your life, not your life with that person who is not there anymore. Get serious about your life and tell yourself that you are worth it. You ARE worth it, and your time, your moments are too precious to while away crying and thinking about things that were never meant to be.
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.
3. Think about what happened; analyse it. If the separation happened due to death, or something one has no control over, then give yourself time. Time is the best healer, like they all say; it’s true. Get up, and try and get busy doing something, anything. Stitch, embroider, sing, play, make pots, paint,…anything. Don’t give up.
But if the other person simply left, or opted out, then you have to see and understand that well, it wasn’t, isn’t, meant to be. A relationship is a mutual agreement (over anything, or nothing) between two (or more) people. It is not, it should not, be binding in anyway. It is not a jail term. Promises, especially in romantic relationships, are made under certain (special) circumstances. A lot of times, the sheer novelty of it, the rush of those warm emotions when you’ve just met and it is all oh so new and nice takes us places where we would not go normally, and we end up committing to things that for certain individuals could prove to be a bit much. And when, after a while, when our systems return to normal and we gauge the extent to which we have gone away from what we deem as normal in us, we start to pull away. At such times, one needs to be a bit understanding. Give the other person some space.
If they decide to leave eventually, let them. Don’t try and make them stay, or argue or discuss. Please know, that you deserve the best. And the best for you is the one who has no doubt at all about being with you. If there is any doubts in their heart and you manage to make them stay, it’s just going to cause more damage and heartache in the future, to both of you. Let them go…Rather it’s good that they left. If they were staying with you and were not there a 100%, they were completely wasting your time, and your precious emotions. Definitely let them go.
Take a new hobby, or an old one. Go for that long bike ride you had been wanting to go on for so long; or a movie marathon weekend; or a trip to hill-station or that beach; or those yoga classes; or that perfect weekend with perfect strangers. :)
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.
4. SMILE!! Even if you have to force it initially. Smile. Smile at everyone, at everything. That uncle, that auntie, that dog, that tree, those flowers, esp the flowers…they smile back, always. Smile and get up. Move that ass. Take a bus, or a train. Buy a li’l camera and click a few pictures.
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.
5. TALK…about it. Empty out your heart. If you are not comfortable talking about it, then write about it, or about it to yourself.
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.
A new door has opened for you. A lot of new doors have opened for you. Smile, think about all the possibilities. You are at the railway station now, or airport if you will. Catch the next flight, a new train. Don’t look back. Leave behind that heavy baggage. Take along just the beautiful memories, lessons learnt.
It hasn’t broken, your heart. Might just feel like it has. But it’s fine, it’s all fine.
Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath. And smile.. :)
~As originally posted on my other blog, Here to Help!!
Do you believe in God? Do you not believe, in anything, at all?
I feel it is important; to believe. What you believe in, is not so much important. Believe in whatever makes you happy, in whatever gives you strength; it is better than not believing, is what I feel. Believe in yourself, believe in happiness (not happyness :P), believe that one day you will learn how to speak that language, that it’s in you to do it, and you will, when you truly will. “God” is whatever makes you happy, whatever gives you that strength, whatever works for you.
Some find that strength, and happiness, in a stone, or stone idle; some find it in the sky; some look for it (and find it) in and around trees (like me :)), and some within themselves, where it always is, always has been. For some it is eventually Love, that is God.
Where is God, is like asking ‘What is love’. Answers so easy, and yet so difficult.
~As originally posted on Here to Help!!
…the time is passing so slow that it’s like I can see each moment slowly crawl by. And some of them are passing so slowly and lazily that the ones behind have to nudge them every now-and-then to make move forward a bit.
Delicious empty gaps, wide open spaces, between each moment.
I got up at 3:30 am, dunno why, and couldn’t sleep after that. Have been counting moments since, one slow one after the other. It’s nice. :) It’s a rich, silky, velvety luxury…
We are dying for a change, esp us women, maybe only us women. Some (too few) guys are just tagging along. Some of us (nope, not me) are doing something about it; putting in some effort; in raising awareness, bringing people together, at least trying and bringing about some change, at whatever level they can, the smallest even. The change when ‘women empowerment’ is not just a movement raging within the offices of a handful of activists and in a few articles here and there scattered across the media. The change when a woman, every woman, would be empowered, truly, completely.
And what are we doing about that? Absolutely nothing. Some years back, I was working on a project and our client was an American firm. They were pretty clear about having content that does not show any bias or discrimination towards a race, color, class, or gender. And we saw exactly what they meant when we did a little research. Most books now in the US actively show girls as protagonists. For example, if they are talking about rocket science, the illustration would show a girl as a rocket scientist. Now that’s actively doing something. They made a conscious choice of empowering the women in their society and they knew that the littlest of the things are going to matter. They made them matter. And the same goes for their media and the image of a woman shown in their current media channels.
What about our media? We have ads that pompously show a woman as a glorified maid (MTR) waking up in the morning and happily cooking whatever it is that each individual family member “orders”. We have (milk-shake-powder) ads that show a mother giving milk to a boy to make him stronger; please do note how most of these ads do not show a girl whose bones need strengthening. [[By the way you do not need milk for your bones. Whatever milk you need is the one you get from your mommy; it's enough to help you build a good enough immune system and bones and all of your body. Cow's (or buffalo's) milk is for the cow (or buffalo) baby. The torture that both the cow and calf are put through is disturbing; but that is another topic.]] Almost all of our media caters to the image of a wife as only a home maker (cook, care-taker) and the man as the provider. The new Titan ad for example. Apart from having all nicely (and cutely) chubby women, in a garden party/picnic, they show the women cooking and the men just…standing around. And to top that, we have the amazing, truly empowered actor Priyanka Chopra flaunting the huge diamond ring on her finger, that her dad gave her, saying that any man worthy of her should be able to top that. Like that is all a man brings to a relationship. Money! Material comfort!?!
I once had a woman argue with me about how it was unthinkable to give a baby the mother’s name. (I gave my baby my name; she just could not fathom the depths of my stupidity in doing so.) Today’s woman does not even want to hear that it is alright to give your child your name. That it is alright to not let go of your identity once married. Some who do, still feel the need to “hyphenate”; for what? To placate their husband’s (or his family’s) ego? We have a long, long, really long way to go. A woman, as an independent individual, is lost. SHE does not exist anymore. To exist, she needs a crutch, a father, then her husband. She may do nothing else but devote her days and nights to look after her husband’s home and their kids.
Loving parents who love both their daughter and their son will provide the best of education and required support to the son so that he grows up and earns well. What do they do for the daughter? They indulge her, buy her nice clothes, horde lots of cash and jewelry for her so that some day, just as she is completely dependent (and helpless) on daddy today, she becomes completely dependent (and helpless) on the husband tomorrow.
Jago, Jago grahani jago. Behen jago. Ma jago. Beti jago. Bahu…you definitely jago.
Being a stay-at-home wife does not give your husband or his family any right to treat you like a maid. Though nothing compares to being financially and emotionally independent, self-sufficient. But if you can’t, and it’s understandable as you have been brought up to never think for yourself and been let free so you could spread your wings, or taught and advised enough so you could take the right steps when do actually step out into the real world. If you can’t, then start with being independent and self-sufficient where you are. Take small steps at a time. A (very) brave girl I know told me this little story. Her husband used to keep asking her to get him this and get him that. So this one time when he asked her to get his some water, she told him coolly that if he asked her to get him water one more time, she’s gonna spit into it and give it to him. He never asked her to get water again. I think that is a clever thing to do. Show him that you are not here to serve him. Step out of the kitchen; start getting involved in things that concern other things than meals, taking care of the house, laundry. This country, your children, will have a truly beautiful future only if you have a truly beautiful, independent, self-sufficient today. Only an evolved, mature mother can nurture an evolved mature next generation. We desperately need it.
Watch this, and know that it is getting out of control. No country for women!!
“Wake up girls, and smell the chai. Good sex is one of the key ingredients of a healthy mind, body, and soul. And there is nothing wrong in indulging in it every once-in-a-while, nothing at all. Allowing yourselves some physical pleasure DOES NOT mean that you are giving in, and the guy is gaining something, or profiting something out of you. It’s a two-way street…”
Read the rest here ‘Sex and the 21st Century (Indian) Woman’.
i have noticed that sometimes my hands work without actually my mind being aware about it. as in, i do not have any recollection of a particular task, but when i look back, panicked, that i missed it, there it is, all done, correctly. my mind has started wandering off more than usual, and farther off. i need to keep a check. i have always enjoyed my dreams, as far as i can remember (not in my early 20s though, not all the time; i had strange, surreal dreams where i was always either lost, or just wandering around, as if lost. i think a common state of being for young adults). a lot of times i have dreams i hate waking up from. just twice i have dreamt that i have lost cy and i have woken up shrieking, screaming (in my dream) and physically shaken. apart from that, my dreams have mostly been nice, full of people and action. me doing something or the other, involved, interested, enjoying. and it hasn’t been rare for me to wonder whether a memory was a memory or a part of a dream.
i should always carry a li’l recorder. so i can record all my thoughts, just as they tumble out of my mind.