Being successful means different things for/to different people. For people who are deeply concerned about what others think of them, it involves doing, or being something that will outwardly and loudly say to them (the others, the “world”, or people of the world) that one is successful, or, impressing other people, like gaining material “success”, or fame etc. That is what is expected of most men, at least here in India. For people who are not concerned a lot about other people, being successful means achieving some level of a personal satisfaction and contentment. That is what is expected of women, at least here in India. That women are expected to be mostly just good daughters and then good wives, and then good mothers. Jaaney-anjaaney, women are shown, rather forced to tread upon, the path of spirituality, where it is important to do one’s duty (as a daughter, wife, or mother), deeply and devotedly, even if the father, husband, or kids are grade one a-holes, without the greed or desire of the fruits of one’s labor, or duty. Comes under the umbrella of ‘sewa’, but I think I have already talked about that.
I was talking about being successful, yes. So there are many times that I find myself in a place where I feel a need to explain that yes, I am successful, and how; when people that matter to me feel hurt, or worried about my life, or no-life. And although I would love to leave it at that, that look, I am smiling, I am happy, I am successful, so bye, I feel driven to try and explain to them how that might be correct (that I am “successful” indeed), because I wish for them to not worry and wonder.
Dear loved ones, (this) life is breath, breathing is life, each breath a miracle, each inhale and exhale a success. If you are truly living in the moment, like mommy taught you to, enjoying each moment, as it comes, and then letting it go, smiling, within, and with-out, then you are successful, each moment of the day, each day of the week…all days, of this life.
But ensure my darlings, that these smiles, these breaths of yours, are not costing anyone anything; money, pain, or any sort of emotional, material, or financial duress. Be, become, independent, emotionally, mentally, financially, and strong, spiritually. It will come, it definitely will. Trust the mother…this universe…Have faith, and be good, that is a big success. And then whatever you define or understand as success, will soon follow…
As originally published on Here to Help.
am just sitting, doing nothing in particular, listening to aiyaa songs, that make me feel oh so so good. :) i dance soooo well in my head…heeheehee… :) the dongle is working relatively well; as in relative to its not working at all, though i still can’t view videos and all. i still don’t know (haven’t decided) where i will go, what i will do. i truly am enjoying the moment, all these moments, “each-moment-as-it-comes”. :D though can’t say the same about those around me. although it’s not gonna really affect anyone’s life where i go what i do, but i do understand, one’s need to know whether this or that person is gonna be here or there, esp when this or that person is a daughter, or sister, or someone one cares about. i unnerstan…and i wish i could say that i am trying, but i am not, to be honest. i truly am enjoying the moment(s), each moment as it comes… :) ..but soon…soon… :))))
i really enjoyed mopeding around for the past 2 months. and so did cy; she loves to ride pillion with me…and we both wanna “upgrade” ourselves to a bike now. :) the only problem being, my wrists, ravaged by RA (rheumatoid arthritis) for well over a decade. i don’t have a lot of strength in my lower (or even upper) arms; so i won’t be able to do “handle” a heavy bike, you know, move it around, push it or pull it while parking etc. dunno, anyways, mopeding happened due to the need of the hour, as we were living in a small place with no auto-rickshaws etc, and everyone using rented (some owned) two wheelers. but it was fun, so much that i wish i could extend it, the fun of riding, further… :)
i had moved to auroville, this small place near pondicherry, for at least six months, maybe more. but things didn’t fall into their respective anticipated places, and now it seems that i might have to postpone my “pondi plans” for at least 4-5 years. hmmm…anyways. it was good while it lasted. a lot of amazingly good things came out of it though, for which i am thankful dear, dear universe. so, thanks… :)
the only “issue” now is that my stuff, furniture etc., is still there, and i need to stash it somewhere by dec end, or sell it, which i’d rather not, or just throw/give it away, which i don’t mind, but i’d rather not. hopefully i will find a place there itself, to keep it for a while…till life sorts itself out, like it always does. :) i love you life… :x :)
dear life, what (all) do you have in store for me. open sesame!!! :)
i am beginning to get tired now. physically, tremendously, and hence mentally, and somewhat emotionally. this beautiful, serene, utterly peaceful place is taking a toll. initially what had attracted me to it, is now proving to be very tiresome. mostly because of my rheumatoid arthritis. all that strain on my limbs; difficulty of getting everything, everyday things like groceries, veggies etc. biking (moped-ing :P) around everywhere, is causing my wrists and finger joints to swell up and hurt more. (though i truly am thankfully that i am on a 2-wheeler eventually and thoroughly enjoy it, and cyra does too; she loves it as a matter of fact :)). plus absence of public transportation and other things like shops and markets is making the days very strenuous. i had not expected my body to react this way. i was actually looking forward to more healing, much more healing. :) maybe all the toxins are getting out now…leading to perfect health..insha allah… :)
i had thought that life’ll be cheaper, once we move here. i know..silly me. :) of course, it’s not. it’s a “tourist-place”…what was i thinking. :P i am still paying rent close to what i was paying in Hyd, though this place is huge, compared to that one. :) but other things, veggies, for example, the water, everything’s expensive. a gas cylinder is costing me more than double of what i was paying in Hyd. they charge me rs 1050 per cylinder here (HP Gas; i was paying rs 400 something in Hyd), and IF i have an adhaar card, which is like this ID card for Indians, which not all Indians have, they will return rs 500. and it’s not that simple either; i need to tell my bank (which is in Hyd) and connect my account with my adhaar card, and then they will transfer the money into my bank account directly. phew…
anyways…hardly been a month. hopefully, it’ll start feeling like home. :) thankfully, Cy is happy. she enjoys her school and has made good friends.
i am PMSing, and also my parents have arrived (they live there on and off), maybe that’s why i am missing my parent’s home in delhi. who would’ve thought…me missing delhi. but i am not missing delhi…just that house. that beautiful, green (as in, surrounded by a lot of greenery) house. :) i soooo suddenly wish we were there, sitting at “home”, having an argument/discussion about something or the other with mom and dad. sighhh….
on a different note, what is going wrong with all the wordpress sites. each time the site opens, the screen gets bombarded with all these annoying ads. so, so very annoying….
i wonder if we happily accept it, or just succumb to it…our lives…
this post is a forward to an earlier post, Looking for a Guru?
…and just like you surrender completely to (a) guru; surrender to the universe, to your life. trust, have faith. let it go, let it flow…don’t ask, ‘what do i do now?’ … rather, say, here i am, this is me, there’s nowhere else on earth i’d rather be (thanks brian adams)… :) and say that ‘i trust you universe, that you will do what is right for me. since i don’t know what to do, where to go, i am not doing anything, or going anywhere. i am right here, take me where you will.’ and then, just follow the flow. for flow, it will, you will. the only thing you need practice is, not to use your brain, to not think. just relax, and trust. have no fear.
and definitely meditate…even if 10 mins a day, 4 days a week.
as posted originally on Here to Help.
money and me, we don’t go so well together. well, we don’t go together at all. we remain separated. :) even if i get it, it doesn’t take long for it to just…poof!!…disappear. just like that. or, for example, if something can be done in rs 10, i’ll ensure (of course, unknowingly) that i spend rs 110 on the very same thing. like this place i am living in right now…with some planning and foresight, i could’ve got a much cheaper place, but no, this is what i wanted, and i got it, paying three times than i would’ve if only i had had some patience, or grown-up brain cells. not that i have a lot of money. hardly. this is part of my (not a very long) life’s savings that i have “invested” on this little adventure, moving here, to this place of nature, beauty, and serenity. :)
but hell, i am not still not happy… :P as a matter of fact, there are moments when i am miserable, and i wanna go home, just that, there is no home… :) only this. of course, teething problems. soon, hopefully sooner, all the boxes will be open and unpacked, and the house will look more like a home. my sense will get used to, familiar with, the still newer surroundings and learn to relax.. :) soon…hopefully, sooner… :)
i had prepared a post on mind, body, and soul for my other blog, and a couple of others, in my head, and i did not care to type it down in time. and now, all i have in mind is, the topic, of that one post. :) but then, in defense of my mind/brain, i have been rather busy these past few weeks. i have moved to a new location and have been quite engrossed in packing, moving, unpacking…well have hardly unpacked. the new place is choked full of cardboard boxes, that the packers and movers guys kept calling cartoons, that i found very amusing. at the end of it all, there were 83 effing boxes, full of shit that i/we had managed to gather and horde in these past amazing, beautiful five years in Hyd. anyways, these past few weeks, have been crazy busy, at the same time relaxing, full of many surprises, revelations and some more communiques with the good universe. yet another “gentle reminder” that you dream a dream does not mean that that dream, once it does materialize, thank you dear universe, will satisfy you, the way you’d dreamed it would, in your mind. :) one will, of course, need to work towards fully attaining the said satisfaction. one is working. :)
no, no. am not lost. just terribly busy. :)
i wanna meet “open-minded” women
as you smile
looking deep into my eyes
placing a light hand
yes i am
i don’t think i’ll interest you
my tummy’s been feeling weird of late. i am not eating right since these past couple of weeks. the confusion, uncertainty outside is causing confusion, uncertainty within. i eat so much, and then i don’t eat at all for long stretches. and at times i am not able to understand whether what i am feeling is hunger, or bloatedness due to over-eating. hmmm…looking forward to some semblance of normalcy back again… :)
i love you dear universe. i don’t know if it’s faith, or dependency. let it be faith. :) let me be in-dependent…i love you. i love you. i love you. :D
Almost everyone, at some point in time, or life, searches for a Guru. Someone who shows you the way, takes your hand in her, or his, hands and leads you to the light. Someone you can talk to, connect with.
One (very) common thing that almost any Guru will tell you is that ‘God is within you’. For those of you who haven’t yet found a Guru, and are feeling lost, maybe helpless, know this, that if God is within you, then definitely so is the Guru.
The ‘Peace’ is right there, within you, within easy reach. Just sit down, make yourself comfortable, relax, let it go, relax all those muscles, close your eyes softly, take a deep breath and just let go. When I say let-go, I mean let it flow. If there is sound, let it come, flow in through you ears, let it go wherever it wants to. If there are thoughts, let them come in, open the flood gates, let them all rush in. But just try and not drown in the thoughts and be swept away. Do not be swept away, stay exactly where you are. Let the thoughts come, let them go. You just be. Eventually, your mind will relax, and go blank.
There are many techniques you can employ to sit and meditate like this. Do a Google search and search on YouTube. You will find abundant help.
Empower the Guru within you; God is not far behind.
As originally published on Here to Help.
of late, my mind has started (maybe it always has) discriminating towards wanting to do something vs actually just going ahead and doing it. there is a difference. for example, wanting to write a novel, and actually writing it. when it’s “in” there, it will come out, irrespective of whether you want/wish to, or not. this thought came to my mind because i have (of late) met many who want to write a novel and have been trying for some time. i did too… :) but gave up (or got bored?) after first coupla chapters. i just didn’t/don’t have it in me i guess. not right now. or that’s just how i work. i rarely am able to do/accomplish something just because i have decided to do it. i really need to want to do it, and only then will i even be able to start. but yes, of course, there are people who make long, long term plans and live their lives accordingly (seemingly quite successfully). and so there must be people who decide they want to write a novel, and then sit and try, and then come up with something great. i think it’ll make for a good study. interviewing established, famous writers about how they came up with their best works. was a concept or idea already simmering in there, or did they actually mould (mold?) something out of raw material. i am sure there are both kinds, i’d like to know which are more…
i mostly just feel it from the inside. like cooking for example. it just starts bubbling within me, the idea of a dish, and then i know exactly what i want. and then start about getting ingredients and making what i have thought about, out of ‘em. same with these blog posts. i can’t (and that’s just me) sit and start writing, thinking that i have to write something today. i open the writing pad and start typing only when it’s all already there in my head, the “material” so to say; and that is what drives me, makes me type, what i type. yes? hmmm….
If you are feeling displaced and disillusioned, it could be your first steps towards self-realization. Maybe it was these feelings that moved ancient sages and they just got up, left everything and everyone behind, and walked away. These feeling could be the beginning of an inward journey, if you do decide to take it on. A subtle invitation to move away from everything you know, everything that provides you with comfort and makes you feel safe and secure. A move away from everything that is warm and familiar, and re-assuring. An invitation to shatter all illusions of safety, security, and seemingly ever-lasting abundance of “love” and care and being looked after; looked after by your family, so-called friends, maybe genuine friends, and/or other adoring fans.
Step out. Out of that shiny, golden circle. Move away, from “home”, or your “comfort-zone” (I feel like Dr Evil now :) ). Move into the dark jungle. Into the unknown. Into the abyss. The abyss of not knowing, not seeing, not hearing, or bothering about where you are going; what you’re stepping into. (If it’s cow poo, so be it.) Where will it all lead? No destination, just a path, many, many dark jungle paths. Start walking…
As originally posted on Here to Help.
Why are we here? My sweet, sweet child, who gives a flying fish … please don’t.
That said, everyone’s here for different reasons. Reasons of their own, We all, each one of us, has an individual path to walk merrily on. And that is just what we need to do. Do! Yes. Not much think.
Also, there’s rarely one single “purpose”. Purposes, like directions, are many. Some destiny-centric, and some karma-centric. But nothing that will take you majorly away from your bigger, larger destiny, which is to just close your eyes, wherever you are, take a deep satisfying breath, relax, and let go. I am very serious. And thus, and only thus, your true purpose, if there is any, comes to you.
All you need to do is, keep faith, and be happy, and be at peace. Tranquil. Think only of having and keeping faith. Too much thinking, if you can’t control it and put to good use, can lead to mental agitation and/or anguish. That will take you far away from peace and the state of happiness and serenity. The state, always remember, is the state-of-being in which your true purpose (if any) will shine through. If not, then just sit back, and smile, and try and have fun… :)
As originally posted on Here to Help.
Love. Peace. Happiness. Quietness. Will lead you to a quiet understanding. An understanding of you, yourself, and that which is not you. In the vast emptiness. In this space of dark coolness. Your path will shine for you. Go, don’t go, doesn’t really matter. All is as it should be. Accept it, I say again, as many have before me. Accept it. Close your eyes. Take deep, satisfying breaths. And smile. :)
A smile will take you, can take you, where not many, or any, has gone before. The blessed land, or no land. Empty space, vast empty spaces, of peace, and tranquility. Where there is nothing else, but smiles.
Love, is not between two people. Never between two people. Love is everywhere. Kind of like your God element. It is not “between”, but all around. What two people have, is understanding, companionship. Two happy people.
Two not so very happy people; what they have “between” them is unreasonable expectations, tiring ties of bondage, stifling strangleholds on each other’s necks (not literally, though sometimes maybe), growth, and progression.
The coming together of two pure souls, two pure intentions, is always sans agenda. It’s a natural, smooth, effortless flow, that results in abundance of positivity, and a beautiful sweet understanding, adding value to both their lives, personalities, and environment. If that is not happening. If there is nothing but agitation and annoyance and frustration, then you are where you are NOT MEANT TO BE. Stop it. Let go. Move on. You are causing problems, for your own self (which is alright, you have a right to), and for the other person and those around (which is not alright, you have no right to). If you are not able to stop, get help.
If you are getting burned, it is a good idea to move your self away from the fire. Standing there and cursing the fire is not going to help much.
As originally posted on Here to Help.
my heart, the little bird
to it’s foot i have tied a string
i tug it every now-and-then
holding the end tightly, between my fingers
i let it fly close; it’s a long string
but i never let it go, soar free in the skies
i haven’t yet figured out
why i do it .. am doing it ..
is it amusing, to see the little bird flutter
or is it some primal fear
feigned by an open, honest smile
I used to be a compulsive shopper. It was like employing whatever I had at hand. There’s TV, I will watch it. There’s a mountain, I will climb it. There’s rain, I will enjoy it. And in case I have money, I will spend it. :) And of course, soon (not soon enough) I realized that it is a problem. And I started employing (my word for the day :P) this “thought” I think I had read somewhere; or maybe someone had told me about it. That whenever you see something that you feel like spending money on, stop and think whether you want it, or you need it. Buy it, only if you really need it. And I must say that it has worked fabulously; this exercise.
And so in life. Practice discrimination between what you want, and what you need. Discard what/whom you don’t really want (to keep having in your life). It is taking up space, creating rot, and a lot of negative energy. Anyways, if you have been a good girl (or boy) the universe WILL give you what you (really) need… :)
I have to be up early tomorrow, to catch the morning show for this movie, and I am not able to sleep. I am so, so awake. Hope I am able to make it; I really want to watch this movie. Pray for me good souls. Pray that I am able to make it for this movie. I want to. I need to… :) ;)
As originally posted on Here to Help.
In the four chambers of my heart
Lie four pieces of you
My blood flows in and out
Washing those pieces of you, everyday
My every breathing moment
An ode to a fear
Of being left, with nothing
And so, each new day, for a few moments
I die a little, as I stop, stop breathing
I close, and I close-in, within
to the four chambers of my heart
Inspecting those four
pieces of you
that you left behind, forgot, dumped, didn’t care about
which I picked, and put
Safely in my heart